long story short

wallace12

Hi this is going to be theraputic. Dad died 2 weeks ago now domineering sister has self appointed herself to take over mums affairs . Mum is totally bereft as they were married 60 years. sister discovered they had some savings £10,000 not a lot but sister has taken mums saving book and post office payment card mum is 76 btw. Most of family are intimidated by sister and have not been visiting mum as she is sitting guarding her and vetting her calls removing mail from the house. Mum is scared of her too. I contaced police who said its a civil matter as mum wont press charges for theft of her property i.e bank book post office card. sister has poor credit history and has no authority i.e power ot attorney or guardianship. I phoned social services to see if they could intervene they visited today but sister and 2 other members who are as thick as thieves were present ,thieves being the operative word.Does social services have the power to check that sister has been using mums savings correctly or do they not have any powers in this. Im at a loss what to do now .thanks wallace12

kate1976

So sorry to hear this, disgusts me how some people behave! Could you maybe look at http://www.ageuk.org.uk/ and see if they could advise? I wish you well!

KentMum

I'm very sorry for you. Try Age UK first - they are very helpful and knowledgeable.

paulineb_2

Can you not get your mum to report the card stolen and ask for a replacement even if she doesnt want to press charges, that would be the sensible thing to do, a new card would mean the sister wouldnt be able to withdraw money

And ask for a new PIN as well, Im assuming that the card is chip and pin and thats how your mums sister is making withdrawals.

Does this sister live with your mum? Can you not speak to her and make it clear if she doesnt return the card you'll be contacting police

I think if you dont do something to get that card stopped the money will end up being spent pretty quickly.

marisco_2

Firstly I am very sorry for the loss of your dad. It must be an awful time for you all. This is when your mum needs the love and support of family and friends. Not to be isolated from those she is closest to, by a sister intent on controlling her seemingly wanting to gain access to her money. What a ghastly thing to do to a loved one.

In all honesty I think yourself and other members of your family, need to stand up to this sister and show her that she cannot treat your mum like this. Not in a confrontational or aggressive manner, more as a united front who wont be intimidated and stopped from phoning or seeing a vulnerable, grieving woman. The fact that this woman is doing this suggests her intentions are less than honourable.

The advice to contact Age UK is a good one. What have social services said about the situation?

Errata

Action on Elder Abuse will be more useful and informative than a local Age UK. Sadly, they are very experienced in what to do when an elderly person is being financially abused, as your mum is.
http://www.elderabuse.org.uk/Mainpages/Services/services.html

paulineb_2

And Id also certainly be paying the local post office branches and giving them the details of the card thats currently being used to withdraw money and make it clear the person doing so, doesnt have the authority

At my local post office everything is chip and pin, a PIN number change might help in the short term and see if theres any way you can get a stop put on the account so that no more withdrawals can be made until this matter is sorted

Oh and if your sister is living with your mum, controlling who she sees and speaks to, the members of your family who do care about her should surely see about either removing your mum from that situation or asking the people doing the controlling to leave, even in the short term

Your mum shouldnt be living like that, she'll surely have enough on her plate at the moment

I have no idea what the position is legally on joint accounts after one of the account holders has died, but Id certainly be seeking legal advice asap, particularly if theres more assets that your dad has left your mum in his will.

If need be, move bank accounts and there are bank accounts that allow an appointed person to make withdrawals without a family member having to go for power of attorney, when my gran was housebound she authorised through the bank for my mum to be able to make withdrawals, I suggest if you do go down that route, its someone who can be clearly trusted

The money is only part of whats going on, no one should be vetting her calls or opening her mail at a time like this, it has to stop one way or another and just because shes a bully doesnt mean that people need to be frightened into going along with the way shes behaving.

tooldle

Can I suggest taking a step back. I am in a similar situation. My dad passed 5 weeks ago. My mum has dementia. I am dealing with the estate. To save mum the upset, I have dealt with the bank on my own. Are you certain that your sister is stealing, as opposed to notifying the bank, and getting joint accounts changed into single names?

sharp82

Surely its fraud if she uses either? Can you check the savings account? If anythings been taken, then report it to the police

Guest101

The police do not need the victi to press charges to arrest and investigate. You can report this, they must investigate. The law may have been breached, it is a criminal offence. you need to speak to an inspector at the station, not just the desk jockeys

Vicky123

Are you able to speak directly to your mother? Does she have mental capacity? I would agree with the others regarding SS, G.P. AgeUK etc but you need to be sure that your mother isn't happy for your sister to take over.
I think this situation is more common than people realise but often the elderly person will not speak up against it and sometimes will say they have given their permission. Has your mother actually told you she is scared?
Even when you know something to be true it doesn't hold any weight without proof.
I'm not doubting you for a second because I've seen this exact situation, your mother is being isolated from caring relatives by a control freak who may be stealing her money, it's hellish difficult to prove though, like most victims she is very vulnerable and that's how she is able to be exploited.