Brother borrowed 20k without consent

mrsmackay

I am so sorry to hear that you and your dad are going through this. When I first started reading I perfectly agreed about not involving the police as he may have been feeling guilty etc but as the posts have went on and as you have stated your brother has not even phoned to make sure your father is ok or to show remorse and own upto anything, it really seems to me as if your brother did all this on purpose and couldnt care what happens to your father.
I agree with another post about contacting social services you may have more luck with them for getting proper advice but I really think you may have to end up reporting this to the police and I would DEFINITELY recommend doing a credit check against your fathers name ASAP as it seems your brother is unfortunately capable of anything. I also think it may ne time to let the rest of the family know too, I would do this before going to the authorities so at least they can be prepared for the massive 'ripples' as you have said come into effect.
I cant even begin to imagine how hard this must be for you and your dad, I just hope that you get help and proper advice and soon!
And please please dont blame yourself nobody could ever see this coming. You are doing a fantastic job supporting you dad and doing everything you possibly can to get the help and advice needed!
All the best and massive hugs!!
Mic xx

tell_it_how_it_is

Perhaps as it's your brother you could consider giving him one final shot at trying to sort this out in some way by writing and posting a short letter?

Explain how this is adversely affecting your Dad's health, and that he really needs to stop burying his head in the sand, and instead get in touch with some urgency.

And state if he doesn't it'll leave you with no alternative to mention it to other family members and begin to take things further.

It's the route I'd be going down. At the end of the day it's a great deal of money that your Dad (and indeed Mum) accumulated over many years, callously eroded by an individual. The fact it's your own flesh and blood arguably makes the act even more despicable, although because of that it's worth giving every other avenue a shot before going down the legal route.

All the best.

BlindLeadingTheBlind

mrsmackay wrote: »

...... I just hope that you get help and proper advice and soon!........

Oh so do I OP! With knobs on!

NANANINANOONOO

Still not sleeping & have been quite ill with stress but at last we have everything we can in black & white to confirm to ourselves as much as anyone else that this is all very real. I have explored endless avenues trying to help dad piece everything together...what, when & how it all took place and today dad will be speaking to someone who will help him through reporting process.

This is killing my dad, he is a strong man reduced to self doubt & feelings of utter helplessness & despair, worryingly this is becoming more & more apparant to all in his appearance & demeanour. I hope today with professional help dad will find the inner strength to do whatever is needed & that undeserved loyalty towards his son does not cloud his thoughts because to date there has been no interest, contact or concern whatsoever from my brother towards dads wellbeing since this all began unfolding :0(

Caroline_a

Hi OP, I have been following your thread, with much sadness and sorrow for the way your dad has been treated. In the last few years of my dad's life I had control of his bank account using online banking, and I was meticulous about having him in the room and talking through every transaction I did as I did it. I guess it was the equivalent of walking to the till in M & S with the garment I was wanting to buy held aloft so that nobody would think I was stealing it!

I have no words of wisdom as there seem to be a few different views on here, but hope that you can resolve this to both you and your dad's satisfaction, if only to give him peace of mind.

Just wanted to send support...

NANANINANOONOO

Caroline_a wrote: »

Hi OP, I have been following your thread, with much sadness and sorrow for the way your dad has been treated. In the last few years of my dad's life I had control of his bank account using online banking, and I was meticulous about having him in the room and talking through every transaction I did as I did it. I guess it was the equivalent of walking to the till in M & S with the garment I was wanting to buy held aloft so that nobody would think I was stealing it!

I have no words of wisdom as there seem to be a few different views on here, but hope that you can resolve this to both you and your dad's satisfaction, if only to give him peace of mind.

Just wanted to send support...

I have given dad some funds into his account to get him started and am keeping a log of everything I do with him each day...organisations we speak to & info given by banks etc. I ask, discuss & explain everything with dad in front of others almost like you said holding everything aloft so he and everyone else cannot think I am in any way influencing or manipulating him!

You are so right about the peace of mind which is what my dad needs more than anything else, the final outcome is almost irrelevant to me as only closure of this nightmare will bring him peace.

thedogsmum

Hello OP,
I know you've spent an inordinate amount of time seeking help/advice, but just in case you haven't looked at it, take a peek at https://www.elderabuse.org.uk
My thoughts are with you.

happycamel_2

I was about to post the same thing as thedogsmum, this is elder abuse and Social Services and the charity above should be able to help. The fact oath places can't help is because the sums are so huge it really is a police matter.

It must be so tough for you, take comfort knowing you are doing your best for your dad, he really couldn't ask for a better daughter.

NANANINANOONOO

Saw lovely lady with dad yesterday who is now dealing with his case. I feel heartbroken & still cannot sleep but have some relief that this is out of our hands. I am fearful of what lays ahead & want so desperately for there to be a reasonable explanation for my brothers actions yet I know there can be nothing excuseable, I so want him to be that man I thought he was & love.

Like many on here I have known what it is like to struggle with debt albeit due to illness & unfortunate circumstances beyond our control, my husband & I have also struggled with unbearable tragedy & grief that will never leave us so I do know what its like to feel utter despair. My brother father & I are a close loving supportive family who have never ever fallen out so I cannot comprehend how/why this has happened no matter how desperate he may have felt.

Thank you for your words of support x

kanute50

Your Dad is so lucky to have you to support him through this awful ordeal. Take care.