Brother borrowed 20k without consent

NANANINANOONOO

Oh dear its me again...you guys must be sick of reading about this :0(

We are still waiting for news, the soc services safeguarding team said they would have meeting with Police officer allocated to dads case (without dad being present) on Tuesday but this was cancelled due to officer being off, now the meeting is pencilled in for Friday but this is awaiting confirmation! So still in limbo and unlikely to hear anything until at least next week and that is only if we are lucky and the meeting between soc.services & police (still in dads absence) does take place on Friday to discuss what dad has told Social Services team.

Dad is really fretting now and wishing he had gone to police directly himmself as he hates not being or feeling in the loop, it seems the meetings and discussions will go on with Soc. Services before anything is discussed with dad. Dont really know why that is? I thought the team were there to help & support him not to take over from him completely, he is quite capable of speaking for himself he just needs guidance about what steps are needed. Does anyone know on here what route he should have.be taking with this. Dad has gathered all the information and evidence himself so is best placed to pass on the information for investigation. I dont want him to tread on toes now we have enlisted advice from social services but it is strange that he is the victim and yet is kept at arms length whilst outsiders decide what action needs to be taken before even talking to him.

Apart from the needless anqiush and suspense for dad being the victim, it all seems such a long winded and unecessary waste of time going over it two or three times without him when they will need to speak to dad before actioning anything anyway, . Sorry to sound ungrateful or unrealistic but maybe someone on here can bring me down to earth with a reality check on this to ease my impatience :0(

In meantime dad still has not been able to contact with my brother who is still not anwering his calls so has no idea what steps dad is taking, which in turn is keeping all this reporting to police suspense a major guilt trip for dad.

Caroline_a

I think you have to contact them and tell them exactly the effect it is having on your dad, exactly as you have told us on here. You need to lay it on the line that it is starting to have a detrimental effect on his health and maybe drop some heavy hints that include the phrase 'holding you personally liable...'

It might do the trick, it might not, but probably worth a try. I have to say that there are good social workers and bad ones - I dealt with an appalling one in my dad's last few weeks, who I had to put an official complaint in about, as she bullied my dad in my absence. I have no idea what happened to her afterwards (and to be honest, didnt care), but I do hope that it went down on her record for a long time!

kanute50

I agree with caroline-e, this whole business is bound to be having an adverse affect on your poor Dad, and you too. From the time of your last post you are still having trouble sleeping.

Ring social services and stress that your Dad is fretting and that you are very concerned about his health.

Everyone on this forum is behind you and wishing you well, and hoping that things will be dealt with soon.

lottie3000

I have to just post again to say i'm still following your progress and you are progressing although it is frustratingly slow! I hope you rang Soc Serv's yesterday and they were able to give you a reasonable reason for the way it is being handled as it appears quite an odd way to me too. Maybe they see it as a way of protecting your Father but pointing out that it is having an adverse effect will hopefully get them to review that?

I, like Kanute50 just want to say remember that we're all behind what you're doing and hoping that it becomes easier for you. Stay brave and strong for your Dad, here's a great place to vent what he may not need to hear.

crazy_crow

Hi,
I just wanted to say that I think this type of situation is a lot commoner than you might think. Both my husband and I come from normal, 'nice' families but have both had similar things happen. My seemingly lovely brother in law has stolen from my mother in law for years and years. He looks after her accounts online and siphons of any excess. It's awful. My Husband and I have to makeup any shortfalls. We don't live locally to them and, I suspect, my brother in law thinks of the money as payment for looking after her. Ie, He drives her to the doctors so why shouldn't he fill up the car with 'her' petrol money. :mad: No one really does anything to stop it.

My sisters have also both siphoned money out of a business they run with my parents. My parents moan about it but don't seem to stop them And because they both do it I think they feel that it is ok. I am very glad I have nothing to do with the business.

My husband and I had the same upbringing as our siblings but we wouldn't dream of stealing from them. I think there is just a lot of bad apples about who can justify anything to themselves (if they think they can get away with it).

Anyway, I just thought you may want to know that this type of theft is not unusual. I am glad your father is facing up to it. It must be so difficult to accept that your own child is such a scumbag.

Good luck and look after yourself and your Dad.

NANANINANOONOO

At last the police have the details and are taking on dads case, they are investigating the evidence which may take a while before they interview my father and approach or take any action against my brother.

My brother is still ignoring dads calls so today dad has informed my brothers children of events & of his current financial plight. My neice has reacted with complete shock & sadness towards me although as yet she has not spoken to her father or discussed matters with her brothers so its hard to predict how they will all react as the truth unfolds and the enormity of it all sinks in with them.

I think dad is relieved to have spoken out about whats happened and perhaps my nephews & neice will get some answers as to why this abuse & betrayal of my father by my brother has occured. We shall have to see how my brother reacts or responds now all is revealed :0(

kanute50

Your Dad has done the right thing in speaking to his Granddaughter, her Brothers will no doubt be as shocked as she is that their Dad could treat their Grandfather in this way.

I think it is obvious that your Brother is not going to respond to your Dad's calls, which must be hard for your Dad to deal with. We can only feel respect for him in trying to speak to his son, he probably wanted to understand the reasons for such a betrayal of trust, but that answer may never be known.

Good luck and very best wishes to you and your Dad.

JoeBloggs1

County court? No need for a lawyer (except maybe one from one of the charities/government agencies) it's not like your brother will have one. It's imperative you get an official debt against him as quickly as possible (while continuing with the police case) - the longer you wait, the further back in the queue you'll be. It sounds like it's only a matter of time before he goes bankrupt anyway, the question is whether any assets he has go to a bank, or your dad. You need to stop being so kind on him, he's family, but only by blood, no true family member would wipe out another's life savings to save their own hide (especially someone who isn't able to earn any more for the rest of their life)

Also, if you get the courts involved, then debt collectors can get involved, which are gonna encourage him to give you the money far more than you or your dad can do. This video's a good stress reliever when people owe you money youtube.com/watch?v=TUzlmWWdjEQ

Xamol73

If this does cause a rift then it is not the reporting of the crime which is the cause, but the taking of the money.

My father in law stole some money from me over 6 years ago, which caused a massive split in my wife's family - I agreed not to involve the police to try and help mend the rift, and agreed a repayment plan.

Six years down the line, I have a third of the money, the in laws will not speak to me or my wife, and he has been on holiday to Egypt twice this year!

If I could go back I would involve the police, but after agreeing not to with my wife I feel I cannot now.

I feel your pain, there is no way that there will be a 100% happy outcome to this situation I fear, but 1 thing is sure the truth has a way of getting out - better for your brother to tell his kids then someone else in the future.

NANANINANOONOO

Xamol73 wrote: »

If this does cause a rift then it is not the reporting of the crime which is the cause, but the taking of the money.

My father in law stole some money from me over 6 years ago, which caused a massive split in my wife's family - I agreed not to involve the police to try and help mend the rift, and agreed a repayment plan.

Six years down the line, I have a third of the money, the in laws will not speak to me or my wife, and he has been on holiday to Egypt twice this year!

If I could go back I would involve the police, but after agreeing not to with my wife I feel I cannot now.

I feel your pain, there is no way that there will be a 100% happy outcome to this situation I fear, but 1 thing is sure the truth has a way of getting out - better for your brother to tell his kids then someone else in the future.

I have struggled with guilty thoughts about my dad reporting this but posts on here have helped remind and reassure me that everything, even any repercussions and family ripples, are ALL of my brothers own doing. He has actually left poor dad no choice not least because he refuses to admit or give an explanation for any of it, reporting it seems to be the only way to force him to face up to and take responsibility for his actions and ultimately for my elderly dad to get some understanding.



My brother has made no effort to redeem himself but if he had I feel sure that like your own situation he would not keep to any agreement anyway. Repayments might have to go on and on and like with your father-in-law there will always be questions amongst us about whatever my brother is spending money on that is not deemed a necessity. At 84 my dad does not have time on his side so I have resigned myself that the money is gone forever and either way there can be no resolution without heartache, my brother has shown no thought or care for our dad whatsoever to date so all I can do is support my dad.