Brother borrowed 20k without consent

FireWyrm

NANANINANOONOO wrote: »

At 84 my dad does not have time on his side so I have resigned myself that the money is gone forever and either way there can be no resolution without heartache, my brother has shown no thought or care for our dad whatsoever to date so all I can do is support my dad.

If it was my brother, I'm not at all sure I could ever stand to be in the same room as him again. Stupid man has cut himself off from the family, not the other way around.

NANANINANOONOO

A new twist has emerged because my nephew has visited my father after hearing the news of my brother’s deed. He and his brother and sister (all in their early twenties and working) are very sad about their grandfather and the possible destruction to our family but my brother is denying all so they are understandably divided about what/who to believe at the moment because they have not yet seen the evidence.

They are very distraught at the prospect of their father being in trouble and possibly having to sell his home to recover the 50k, they do not want this to happen but I don’t know why they think it shouldn’t. They say he has been a good dad to them and they feel it may have been their fault he is in debt through providing for them. One of them is apparently already paying the interest on some of their father’s debts but they have no idea what the debts are so those payments may not be depleting anything! These new issues have come as a huge blow to them and it is heart-breaking to know they are now embarking on those terrible feelings of total disbelief and sadness dad and I first felt six weeks ago.


In time the truth will sink in for them as it did for us and I hope they will see that it is their father and nobody else who has caused this, no matter what his reasons were or the outcome, nothing can excuse his actions. I love them but firmly believe now that if his house has to be sold or other assets are lost to them it will not be my father’s fault as he deserves to recover his money along with any others who may be owed.

hollydays

They too are in shock. As you were.remind yourself that in good time they will not have those confusing feelings of disbelief.and things will be clearer to them. Remember, YOU have done nothing wrong-he's a thief.

kanute50

I cannot believe that your brother is still denying what he has done!!! The fact that your nephew is paying the interest on a debt owed by his father speaks volumes, he is obviously up to his neck in debt. It makes me wonder whether he has any equity in his property? Did you manage to get details from Land Registry? The loss of his property may be the least of his worries, but probably inevitable given the debts he obviously has.

As previously said by every poster on here, your Dad is the victim of theft, and neither you or he should feel any guilt at exposing your brother's theft. His kids say that he has been a good Dad, perhaps he has, but he has been a despicable son and brother. You said previously that your brother was very generous to his kids, but that generosity was at your poor Dad's expense, this is why your nephews and niece are struggling with coming to terms with all this, just as you and your Dad did.

The truth will out, and I feel much more will be revealed by the police than you currently know.

rainbowfairydust

NANANINANOONOO wrote: »

A new twist has emerged because my nephew has visited my father after hearing the news of my brother’s deed. He and his brother and sister (all in their early twenties and working) are very sad about their grandfather and the possible destruction to our family but my brother is denying all so they are understandably divided about what/who to believe at the moment because they have not yet seen the evidence.

They are very distraught at the prospect of their father being in trouble and possibly having to sell his home to recover the 50k, they do not want this to happen but I don’t know why they think it shouldn’t. They say he has been a good dad to them and they feel it may have been their fault he is in debt through providing for them. One of them is apparently already paying the interest on some of their father’s debts but they have no idea what the debts are so those payments may not be depleting anything! These new issues have come as a huge blow to them and it is heart-breaking to know they are now embarking on those terrible feelings of total disbelief and sadness dad and I first felt six weeks ago.


In time the truth will sink in for them as it did for us and I hope they will see that it is their father and nobody else who has caused this, no matter what his reasons were or the outcome, nothing can excuse his actions. I love them but firmly believe now that if his house has to be sold or other assets are lost to them it will not be my father’s fault as he deserves to recover his money along with any others who may be owed.

Im pleased to hear that your nephew has visited your dad. They could have all ignored what was happening, and just brushed it under the carpet like your brother is doing.

I agree with the poster above that they are in shock at the moment which comes as no huge surprise. Its a lot of distressing information to process. I think it will take a good couple of days for everything to sink in.

Its also very worrying to hear that one of them is paying off interest on a debt :eek:..your brother is up !!!! creek without a paddle.

I also wouldnt bank on getting all of the money back either (sorry to say this) but it is sounding more & more like he is thousands & thousands of pounds in debt. If he doesnt have the means to pay people back then he will more than likely declare himself bankrupt ( at the very least). At worst (if he is found to be acting in a fraudulent manner ) then he will be sued by either the bank or another company he owes money too leaving him (possibly) in jail.

I know i have said this before but what a horrendous situation .

DigForVictory

From your post times, you're still not sleeping.
Please, take some clear steps to look after your own and your father's physical wellbieng amidst all this mental anguish.

Obvious things that are easily overlooked amidst distress are regular meals and drinks, and making time to sleep even if it doesn't come. You are doing heroic work helping your father, but you do both need to try to sleep.

Likewise as your nephews & neices stagger through the shock as you you - you are doing wonders, they are as innocent and as horrified as you - encourage them to remember to eat and drink too?

Health and strength to you all!

crazy_crow

I would show the nieces and nephews all the paperwork so that they know exactly what has happened. Don't leave them with any doubts.

Perhaps you or your father could reassure them that you don't mind what they do but that you believe that they must know the truth.

Eager_Elephant

We have been in a very similar situation recently and the stress is awful.

The only difference was the relative who was being financially abused was not actually a relative - he was my husband's mother's first husband (the father of her 2 oldest children) but my husband saw him as an Uncle.

He has always been quite well off but spoilt his children when they were younger and so they had no real concept of money etc.
He always gave them what they wanted and never worried about the consequences.
He used to live in a 4 bed detached house but his son defaulted on some loans which relative had secured on his house so he ended up having to sell his house.
He brought a small 2 up, 2 down and lived there quite happily but his 2 sons have never really had proper jobs and have just bummed about on benefits all their lives.

They used to 'borrow' money every week but never actually paid it back, relative used to say that he felt pressurised into doing this and was scared of his sons (one of them is very aggressive).
Then quite a few years ago he admitted that all his savings were gone and they were putting pressure on him to mortgage his house to release the equity so they could have some money :eek:

We reported it to Social Services and relative went to stay with other relatives miles away while eveything was looked in to but he refused to press charges although the police apparently had a word with the son who took the most money and he stayed away for years - relative was so happy at that time and had loads of money to go off on jaunts etc.

Out of the blue son got in contact with relative and it all started off nicely but in the end he persuaded his father to get him a car on his credit card :eek: and he would pay him back which of course he did not - so son (on benefits) got to drive around in a swanky car with no means to actually pay for it and relative had to pay the minimum payments every month :eek:

Eventually relative got so fed up of everything we offered him the chance to live with us which he jumped at and he sold his house. He gave his sons £37k each and he kept £10k :eek:. (just to show how desperate they were for the money, relative had just come out of hospital after a stroke when the money came through to his account, he was not well enough to leave the house so son came to our house and got relative to sign a letter which he took to the bank to do all the transfers (we were at work) - they couldn't even wait a few weeks)

He thought by giving them the money they would not hound him for money again.

The 10k that relative kept was used in part to pay off the credit card bill - which had son's car on:eek: and he was left with a few thousand.

They both spent their money in 4 months and came back for more:mad::eek: (and then went back on to benefits:mad:)

Luckily because we live miles from them they rarely visited and only phoned occasionally and relative felt able to tell them they could not have money.

When one moved house recently he asked his father for money and said he wished he hadn't spent all his money :rotfl:.
He also traded in the car that his father brought him and got a newer one and pretended the old one was being fixed until eventually he admitted he had traded in :eek: - we think he now has a mobility car even though there is nothing wrong with him :mad:

Relative now lives in sheltered accomodation as my DH is poorly and it was too much to have him with us - he should be able to claim benefits to pay his rent but can't until 5 years is up since he gave them the money.

Blinking relatives :eek::mad:

Just want to send hugs to you all ((( )))

jules888

What awful sons to have!

randomnut

Although the police may take a while to get the ball rolling properly rest assured you have done the *right* thing by going to the police and allowing it to follow due process.

What the son did is a criminal offence and should be treated as such. If he will do that to his own father what has/would he do to friends or other people?

Allow it to run its course through the appropriate channels. You've taken it to the right people so at least it can be sorted properly.