Brother borrowed 20k without consent

RuthnJasper

nicp60 wrote: »

Oh my goodness, please don't blame yourself!!
Why would you ever suspect this? No-one ever could! Please don't give yourself a hard time here. Your trust has been broken as much as your father's.
Hugs xx

Nic is right. This is 100% NOT YOUR FAULT, Nananini... x

ap1986

I've been following this thread for a few days and thought now was the time to comment. I can't offer any advice because, fortunately, I've not experienced any of this, so I apologise. I can only offer support.

Please don't blame yourself, it's not something that you could've ever guessed was happening without living in your brother pocket for the last few years. It's not your fault and there is no reason to blame yourself.

I can't imagine what you must be going through, it must be heartbreaking to realise that your brother is a completely different person to who you've known forever.

So many people are telling you to call the police, I want to be one of those people but, honestly, I don't think I would (just yet anyway) if I were in your position. I don't know what I'd do. Although, I would at the very least, have confronted my brother and told him exactly what I thought.

Maybe when your Father realises the true extent of the situation, he may change his mind on what to do. Ultimately, it's his decision. He must feel like everything has been taken from him right now (not only financially) so respecting his wishes is important.

I think that you're doing a great job of supporting your Father and only hope that you've discovered the worst and don't find anything else.

I hope that there is a resolution and that it's not too far away.

Keep your chin up and keep being a fantastic support to your Father, I'm sure it's appreciated!

rainbowfairydust

Pixie5740 wrote: »

. The account holder then has to go down the route of a civil case if they cannot recover the funds from the person who took them. If your brother signed up for internet banking by pretending he was your father that might be another matter.

The brother must have signed up to online banking - OP has stated that her father is not familiar with the technology/internet. It must have been the brother who registered for the online service, and the letters/fobs were posted to the fathers home whereby the brother picked everything up.

ETA - what a horrific situation. I understand why your father doesnt want to go to the police (and yourself) but your brother MUST be punished for his actions - be that from being shamed throughout the family or going to the police.

rainbowfairydust

Hi OP..

just wondering how you are getting on? have you confronted your brother at all?

happycamel_2

If your bro was paying some money back but then withdrawing more it shows he knew it wasn't a gift. Therefore there would be a stronger case for a theft/fraud case.

By the way, I think you should pursue your bro for the money, if your dad needs a care home in future but has no assets the ones available on council funding a often grim. Also they may refuse to pay because of the deprivation of assets rules.

How are you getting on op, what a tragic situation.

NANANINANOONOO

Hi All
I have been in touch with several orgnisations like Age UK & Action on Elderly Abuse etc. to see what kind of help might be available to dad & in doing so have got a better understanding of exactly how common this scenario is with elderly when they misplace trust & how deliberate my brother has been in his actions.

I have a few more calls to make on Monday when dad comes over as he has been tied up this weekend so had no chance to chat properly & unfortunately I have two appointments at Guys hospital this week. Once dad has spoken to some of these people himself I feel that (like me) he may conclude that he might have little choice but to go down the route of reporting this to the police, however I feel this must be dads decision without any influence from me. .

Dad has already indicated that his feelings are much more of anger than the initial disbelief, devastation & confusion he felt before the reality of it all unfolded & the facts sank. He says is ready to accept any rejection or loyalty issues that may surface with my nephews & neice (my brothers children) once all is diclosed. Still waiting for the letters from his share holders that will hopefully prove fraud before taking next step, as all indications are that as much evidence we can have available to present went reporting this the better.

The key might be that whilst placed in a position of trust my brother has not acted in the best interest of my father. To this end it may be better that someone from an independant organisation speaks for my dad rather than myself as I dont want any input from me to be misinterpreted.

Needless to say I am very worried about my dads health, this is taking its toll on him. I can think of little else day & night myself so goodness knows how he is coping bless him.

kanute50

I feel so sorry for your poor Dad, he doesn't need to have to deal with something like this at his age. You are very wise gathering as much evidence as possible. Good luck with everything, and take care of yourself too, your Dad is going to need your love and support, which you are giving him with abundance.

NANANINANOONOO

Omg I am feeling so helpless and useless I just don’t know where to turn, everywhere is just a dead end or I am passed from pillar to post with no real answers. I feel like I am going round in circles making endless phone calls & getting nowhere & at the same time drowning in my own emotions.

I have spent endless hours on the phone trying to get through to various organisations to glean help & advice but after holding on in queues forever you then just get given a list of other helpline numbers to ring. The CAB in my home town are worse than useless, it’s impossible to get through to them on phone so dad & I went down filled in paperwork & he had an initial interview with a very elderly lady (who hadn’t a clue bless her), all she could offer was an interview with another CAB person in 3 weeks’ time who could help dad fill in a benefit claim form but she said that person too would not be able to offer him any help or advice with the issue we came about. We came away with yet another list of the organisations to try including non-specific solicitors who offer 15mins free telephone call advice. All of this info we could or had already got online so overall the CAB help was futile.

I have given dad some of our savings to buffer him until he gets his next pension payment but I cannot afford to pay for a solicitor, it seems all he can get is a 15minutes free telephone call but it takes dad longer than that to get out his explanation of his circumstances. We are still waiting on the shares letter which is apparently in the post so once we receive this dad can at least try the 15mins solicitor call.

In the meantime we have tried to contact my brother but he is not answering his calls & his answer phone is turned off so we cannot even leave a message. It has been 3 weeks since my dad first unearthed this issue and spoke to my brother who has made no effort to check on our father’s health or state of mind since this bombshell dropped.

My dad is looking ill & lost, I just want someone to take his hand & lead him through this as I am getting nowhere. Inside I feel lost too, I am spending hours in floods of tears but am hiding my emotions & utter sadness from dad, I feel as though I am grieving for the brother I thought I had & am feeling overwhelmed by everything. Despite his inner pain dad still instinctively wants to protect my brother so is holding off from reporting this to any authorities, although I feel this may be the only way to engage any real help it is not my place to influence or pressure dad to do this. I just don’t know what to do next & dread waking each morning to face another day full of doubt & uncertainty – I am so afraid my dad will fall ill or worse…what on earth do elderly people do who don’t have loved ones to at least try to help them?

patanne

I couldn't just read & go without saying something. I hope that you are able to stay strong for your dad & are able to help him as you must both be feeling so betrayed. You say you feel you are grieving the brother you thought you had and I think that is exactly what you are doing. I think it will help your dad just knowing that you are there for him. I'm sorry I can't just wave my magic wand and fix everything for him & you, really really wish I could.

kanute50

Just a thought, do you have legal cover on your home insurance? If you do, you may be able to get legal advice from them. I assume that your Dad doesn't have home insurance himself, I'm certain you said that he lives with a friend.

Have Age UK not been able to give legal advice?

I know you said that you didn't want to pressure your Dad into putting this in the hands of the Police, but I think the time may have come to gently steer him in that direction. This is so difficult for you, your Dad's well being taking priority over making your Brother accept responsibility for the terrible thing he has done.

What I would be inclined to do, since your Brother is not answering calls, is speak to his Sons/Daughters. You have already said that they are not kids but grown adults. They also have a duty of care of their Grandfather, and need to know what has been going on. Their father didn't borrow this money, he stole it from their Grandfather.

Your Brother is probably under the impression that your Dad won't report his actions as fraud and theft, so he is continuing to ignore any calls safe in that knowledge.

I feel so heart sorry for you and your poor Dad, my own Dad is 84 so I know what something like this would do to him, therefore I feel for you.