Brother borrowed 20k without consent

tinkerbell28

I think you need to report it and do it for your Dad if it is easier.

You won't get any of the money back, he will quite happily ignore you all.

You don't want your Dad to fall foul of deprivation of assets, should he need help in the future.

Also if there is criminal proceedings, you can wait for those to be done and then sue him without much need for solicitors. Also if there is equity in the house and he is found guilty, if he does have assets such as cars, etc. They can be forced to be sold under the proceeds of crime act. So you may not even have to sue him.

rainbowfairydust

NANANINANOONOO wrote: »

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In the meantime we have tried to contact my brother but he is not answering his calls & his answer phone is turned off so we cannot even leave a message. It has been 3 weeks since my dad first unearthed this issue and spoke to my brother who has made no effort to check on our father’s health or state of mind since this bombshell dropped.

My dad is looking ill & lost, I just want someone to take his hand & lead him through this as I am getting nowhere. Inside I feel lost too, I am spending hours in floods of tears but am hiding my emotions & utter sadness from dad, I feel as though I am grieving for the brother I thought I had & am feeling overwhelmed by everything. Despite his inner pain dad still instinctively wants to protect my brother so is holding off from reporting this to any authorities, although I feel this may be the only way to engage any real help it is not my place to influence or pressure dad to do this. I just don’t know what to do next & dread waking each morning to face another day full of doubt & uncertainty – I am so afraid my dad will fall ill or worse…what on earth do elderly people do who don’t have loved ones to at least try to help them?

OP - I hope that you have managed to get some rest as i noticed the time you posted this message. I am sorry that you seem to be going around in circles & getting nowhere.

I am saddened to hear that your brother has now made himself "uncontactable" . Given the circumstanced i would now be contacting the police to report this as a crime. Your brother has had ample time to come forward & do the right thing and he hasnt made any attempt in which to rectify his actions. Instead he has chosen to hide himself away as cowards always do.

He must be made accountable for his actions - Look what this has done to you & your father? Its made you both ill & you are both left worrying about the future. I urge you to push your father with regards to contacting the police as this matter must be resolved.

What area are you in?I could help with some research into solicitors who may be able to offer a free session that lasts longer than 15 minutes?

Here is the link for age concern legal help. Have you tried this already quoting the reference?

http://www.ageuk.org.uk/products/financial-products-and-services/legal-services/

The only other thing i can think of suggesting is posting this on a different board (although not sure which one on the top of my head ) as there may be someone else who may have more knowledge about this type of situation (plus i know that there are a couple of solicitors who frequent other boards)

ETA - How about in the arms? You could just link in to this thread. There may be a greater number of "lurkers" who may be able to point you in the right direction (for further assistance)
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=58

lottie3000

OP I didn't want to leave the thread without writing something to you, I just want to leave you a hug and to say I think you are being very brave and your Dad needs you now more than ever, he must be feeling very lost at the moment but reading what others have put I think your brother is leaving you and your Dad with very little option other than to seek help from the police. You can't go on like this if you and your Dad are getting ill.

Keep fighting through this difficult time though you just need to get in touch with someone who is willing to help, I must say you CAB doesn't sound very helpful, I thought they had specialists in on certain days that you could speak to.

BlindLeadingTheBlind

NANANINANOONOO wrote: »

This is exactly the path I am hoping to take. I am hoping my bro will open up to me and together we can somehow set him on the right path even if dads money is gone forever. However stupid he has been I feel sure inside he is full of guilt and probably desperately blundering through debt in denial & hoping it will all go away.

My bro has always been much loved and admired by us all and has been such a reliable old fashioned stalwart. He always lived a quietish life with nice things seeming as tho he is doing very well thanks - clearly he has lived way above his means for a long time, having family holidays & giving his daughter a big wedding etc. Ironically I for one have always been really pleased for him while we've all plodded along modestly and I confess I am hating the reality of it all now but Im trying to rise above those feelings and more than anythng else I am heartbroken. I find it difficult to believe he has come to this and I know other family members would be in total disbelief.

I know my father will not want to take action & neither do I want him to, after all there is little to be gained from this now the deed is done but my bro must open up and lay all his cards on the table in order for us his family or anyone else to help him and for our family to stay in one piece as anything else will destroy my dad. My only hope is that my bro will not be in denial about everything that is going on.

OP this was a strong post you made and much admired by me - when I read it I thought I hope if I found myself in similar circumstances I would be able to respond so well.

Your brother needs to be confronted as soon as possible. The full extent of his crimes needs to be identified. Whilst you know he has systematically drained your father's accounts and investments you don't know if he has gone further. What if he has fraudulently amassed debts in your father's name? If this is the case, and I truly hope it isn't, your father will be left with no alternative but to involve the police in order to protect himself.

nicp60

BlindLeadingTheBlind wrote: »

What if he has fraudulently amassed debts in your father's name? If this is the case, and I truly hope it isn't, your father will be left with no alternative but to involve the police in order to protect himself.

BLTB is right - this is something I hadn't actually considered.

OP you should get a copy of your dad's credit reports asap just to double check.

You can get Noddle's for free, and the other 2 for £2 each.

NANANINANOONOO

Thank you all so much for your responses, it certainly helps to know good people are out there, your supportive words & advice mean such a lot.

I have spent another long day making endless calls to different help groups but all indicate the sums involved are way above their capabilities to do any more than offer support rather than advice & it is definitely only the police who can help. Some things mentioned on here are certainly opening my eyes to aspects I had not yet considered like using dads name to incur more debts that we don’t know about. I will be discussing with dad these possibilities along with the results of my calls made today & I can only hope dad will decide enough is enough & it is time to approach the police not least because I myself am afraid of uncovering anything more than is already evident.

I feel sure the police are trained to deal with these things & will also offer my dad face to face support to cope with each step he needs to take. I feel so out of my depth & emotionally drained, tracking the paper trail & collating information is so distressing my brain is scrambled & it’s hard to remain focused or to know what to do with even the obvious evidence before us.

Someone from one organisation today reminded me that this is a very large sum of money & whatever happens feelings within our family will not be the same and to do nothing about this theft would make moving forward from this impossible. Either way the ripple effect on the family as a whole will be devastating but the truth being proved & my brother having to face the consequences of his actions may help.

terra_ferma

I've not read every single post and maybe someone has already done this, but I think you dad needs to be protected. Maybe making the decision of reporting his son is too much for him, and just going along with it when the police turn up to speak to him may be a better option.
You don't know what your brother is capable of, you say he has all of his faculties, but what about in 1,2,5 years time? How do you know your brother won't try and stead with him again, if he's allowed to get away with it?
If he was my dad I would call in the police unless he's absolutely adamant, 100% against the idea, rather than waiting for him to make the decision, which would be too hard for him.

DigForVictory

Just read this from stem to stern with mounting horror & sympathy.
You have been spectacular here, getting the facts, staying calm, doing what you can to help your dad in what may be the most painful decision of his life.

It's a horrible, horrible place to be & you are understandably feeling worn down.

When all you can find legitimately is shared amongst the family, there will undoubtedly be more shock, pain & even attempts at denial. The charities are right - the "ripples" from this will be fearsome as the amounts are so high.

It is a tragedy that a proud, honest working life has been violated. I hope your father decides what he wants to do reasonably soon, as it's not good for his or your health.

anarchied

I have nothing to add, apart from massive love and hugs to you and your father. You have both been so calm on the face of things with such a serious crime. I'm sorry that your brother thought he could do this. x

ibizafan_2

Have you tried Social Services at your local council? If you contact Adult Social Care Vulnerable Persons Unit they should take this seriously. I involved them last year when I suspected that the nephew of an elderly friend had done something similar with £100,000 of her money. The social worker who dealt with it and an advocate who works for the County Council quickly wrote to him and asked him to attend an interview with them to explain his actions. Might be worth a try if you don't want to go down the police route as yet.