Brother borrowed 20k without consent

NatalieB23

Could you not try contacting your brothers partner or one of the children to attempt to retrieve your fathers belongings?
I really hope that you get the outcome your father deserves in the new year following this and your brother faces the consequences of his actions.

All the very best for 2014, I really hope it is a much better year for yourself and your father. x

moneyistooshorttomention

Just come across this thread and I do hope things work out well for OP and her father.

Just to second that NS & I need to be written to about your fathers change of address. I wouldn't think its possible for thieving brother to have managed to get those Bonds transferred into his name and there is always the hope that there might be some unclaimed prize money due to father.

I cant see any indication in this as to whereabouts Thieving Bro lives in relation to OP and her father. If they are all living in much the same locality then OP I am wondering if it would be possible for you to get some unrelated people to visit your brothers house and refuse to move until they get given fathers possessions?

NANANINANOONOO

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Just come across this thread and I do hope things work out well for OP and her father.

Just to second that NS & I need to be written to about your fathers change of address. I wouldn't think its possible for thieving brother to have managed to get those Bonds transferred into his name and there is always the hope that there might be some unclaimed prize money due to father.

I cant see any indication in this as to whereabouts Thieving Bro lives in relation to OP and her father. If they are all living in much the same locality then OP I am wondering if it would be possible for you to get some unrelated people to visit your brothers house and refuse to move until they get given fathers possessions?

Dad is going to attempt to resend the request for his belongings letter after New Year and possibly send duplicate letter to my Nephews in the hope this may prompt my brother to give dad his belongings. We all live fairly near (within 15 miles) as do other relatives (who at present are not aware of any of this) & they could easily be enlisted to collect dads items without needing to disclose why. At the moment dad is unsure whether to tell other family members what has happened, he feels such shame himself & still feels some loyalty to my brother by keeping his dispicable actions a secret. I feel no such loyalty but must respect dads wishes plus we still cannot discuss the police investigation with anyone who may disclose informtion to my brother.

Sadly all this secrecy & insecurity is breeding suspicion & is cruely making dad paranoid. He even suspects that other family members may already know details from my brother & are saying nothing to dad about it as they doubt his word against whatever version of events my brother or his chidren may have told them!!?

Odd friends & family members like dads own brothers children who perhaps forgot to send him a Christmas card this year (which normally would not have been an issue) are now suddenly not just being forgetful & he worries they might be rejecting him - such are the ripple effects of my brothers betrayal & dads subsequent low self esteem.

Dad fretted terribly over the Christmas after not getting cards or messages from my brothers children & obviously he missed being invited over to share a day with them. The latter wasnt going to happen I know but I cannot believe that divided loyalties aside they couldnt even send him a card. These are people who he thought loved him - now he believes they hate him & he questions did they ever really care?

This man is 85 & has been a brilliant grandfather to them & if they truely believe my dad gave their father all his money why on earth couldnt they find it in their hearts to send him a card! Why isnt my brother banging down my door desperately trying to convince me of his innocence? Silence really does speak louder than words :0(

NANANINANOONOO

One thing I'd like to remind everyone is if you have an elderly relative or neighbour never underestimate the importance of a kind word, card or gesture however small it might seem. You never know what people might be going through & just a simple acknowledgment even from a stranger can give a person such a boost. Many of us go about our busy lives & sadly until we experience things first hand we cannot really know what little self worth others may be experiencing. I am hoping 2014 may bring more possitive experiences for my dad & I hope to be more mindful of possible hidden plights of others myself.

Thanks for all your words of encouragement.
Wishing A Happy New Year to You All x

moneyistooshorttomention

As you say indeed that is a case of "silence speaks volumes" in this case by the sound of it.

Your brother is obviously ashamed of himself..otherwise he would be being thoroughly voluble in making excuses for himself. The fact that he is conducting a Big Silence means he has nothing to say for himself, because there IS nothing he could say in his defence and he knows it very well.

It does sound to me like it would be a good idea for your father to tell all the wider family. That way he would at least know where he stands, rather than wondering where he stands, as regards how they feel to him. Once they know, then I would think it more than likely that they will be supportive to your father and he could do with that support. Obviously, you are being incredibly supportive to your father and he is lucky to have you. It would help all round though if further "support" can be roped-in from the wider family. Even if that support only goes as far as saying "I believe you. What an awful thing to happen" that will be well worth your father having on its own. Your brothers children are in a difficult position (ie being the children of this thief) and I guess its just about understandable they might support their father (though I wouldn't personally in those circumstances). Maybe their silence is just borne out of honestly not knowing what to do in the circumstances and I can imagine they might be thoroughly embarrassed at having found that one of their parents is like this. Members of the wider family won't be in this position and will be more able to "chip in" with supportive comments and help.

I can have some inkling about not wanting to ask a parent about something they have done that you don't approve of...in my case I have never asked my father anything ever about his time in one of the Armed Forces (ie because I know logically there is a good chance that he has killed and injured people, but I don't want to hear him actually admit to having done something like that because it would be too upsetting iyswim). I would struggle to reconcile the two facts of him being my father AND being a killer if I actually knew for sure. I think he knows this, because he never brings up that side of things either and its just The Big Unspoken between us.

I appreciate obviously that your father comes from a generation that doesn't tend to believe in being so open about such problems and I do hope you can persuade him he has nothing to lose and possibly quite a bit of support to gain if he tells everyone else.

I guess this is part of where the problem stems from, ie that your brother is bargaining on your father not telling people about this (mainly down to that generation's outlook on matters like this). Your brother hasn't had the deterrent effect that comes from knowing their "victim" is in a generation that DOES tell people. It is a protection that someone in our generation has that would-be family thieves know we are likely to tell people. Me = I'd virtually take out an advert on the front page of the local newspaper and tell absolutely everyone and their dog, but I'm Baby Boomer generation. The next generation down from me would probably add to that by splashing it right across Facebook and Twitter as well.

Your brother is bargaining on your fathers silence to help him get away with this and try to maintain his life exactly as it is. I'd be willing to bet that, once this matter is more resolved, that your brother has an Escape Plan in mind to move elsewhere in the country. I suggest your father doesn't waste any time in getting his possessions back from your brothers house before he does anything like that.

Mojisola

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

It does sound to me like it would be a good idea for your father to tell all the wider family.

I appreciate obviously that your father comes from a generation that doesn't tend to believe in being so open about such problems and I do hope you can persuade him he has nothing to lose and possibly quite a bit of support to gain if he tells everyone else.

Your brother is bargaining on your fathers silence to help him get away with this and try to maintain his life exactly as it is.

I suggest your father doesn't waste any time in getting his possessions back from your brothers house before he does anything like that.

Agree with everything money has said - it can be very difficult for a parent (especially from that generation) to admit a child has behaved so badly towards them but I would want the rest of the family to know.

Getting his possessions back is really important. Get that done as soon as possible.

lemonpopsicle

You and your dad have been in my thoughts recently as we have stumbled across a potentially similar situation.
Basically my husband was asked to garden at an elderly gentleman's house, which he has been doing for 18 months now, the man is virtually blind and lost his wife of 64 years this year. My husbands dad is totally blind and belongs to a wonderful organisation called Blind Veterans UK (formally St Dunstans). On chatting with this gentleman it became clear that he is also ex-services and had no knowledge of Blind Veterans UK, so my husband asked him if he would like to apply to join, which he did.
Hubby helped him fill in the forms and at that point discovered that the gentleman has no children and that next of kin is his brother who lives 100's of miles away and is even older. The neighbour had power of attorney over the gentleman's wife and opens all his post etc. I don't know whether he has access to his bank accounts but when the welcome pack came from Blind Veterans he was extremely dismissive saying that ''what did he want them poking into his affairs for''. Well, our alarm bells were ringing, we can't think of any situation where a caring neighbour would turn away all the help,support and adaptations they offer. Incidentally the gentleman confessed that he doesn't like the neighbour.
We're hoping that when the BV's support manager comes out to visit him things will become clearer.
Sorry to have hijacked your thread,but just had to share

You both continue to be in our thoughts, I can't imagine what a nightmare you are living through, big hugs xx

NANANINANOONOO

The neighbour had power of attorney over the gentleman's wife and opens all his post etc. I don't know whether he has access to his bank accounts but when the welcome pack came from Blind Veterans he was extremely dismissive saying that ''what did he want them poking into his affairs for''. Well, our alarm bells were ringing, we can't think of any situation where a caring neighbour would turn away all the help,support and adaptations they offer. Incidentally the gentleman confessed that he doesn't like the neighbour.
We're hoping that when the BV's support manager comes out to visit him things will become clearer.

I have been amazed at how common this type of thing is. Sadly as with most things people are oblivious until it touches someone we know. I am so pleased this poor man has your husband & you to instigate someone to check things out for him. As you say genuine people in a position of trust should have nothing to fear from any added assistance offered to a person they supposedly care for. Let us know how it pans out for this man - I think its important that we all learn how to look out for these vunerable folk & the suspicious signs to watch for.

bouncydog1

OH is a guardian for a vulnerable relative who is not elderly but autistic. he is responasible for managing all of her affairs with another relative and two further family council members. We all had to appear in Court to be appointed and we are always subject to Court investigation as to how things are managed. I have the role of accountant and keep meticulous records of financial management. Personally I think this is the best way to go because we are all very conscious that we are answerable for how things are managed and it always makes you question whether what you are doing is in the best interests of the person you have been appointed to look after the affairs of. OP I really do hope that you can sort things out for your dad. Your brother's actions are inexcusable. Please do not be swayed by any arguments he may put forwards. Your dad was a vulnerable person who was financially abused and deserves and is entitled to the full force of the law.

M0ney

I have just come across this and haven't enough time, not right now at least to read the whole lot so I skipped most of it but I would also like to express my support to you and your Dad. Nobody deserves what he has had happen to him especially not a loving Dad, Grandfather, Great-Grandfather of 85.