Brother borrowed 20k without consent

lottie3000

Good luck with collating all the information, stay strong OP.

NANANINANOONOO

AndyBSG wrote: »

I can't imagine how awkward Christmas is going to be for you and your Dad.

Will your Dad even see his son's family at all given everything that is going on?

Christmas is going to be tough for dad and he has his 85 birthday in a couple of weeks, I am dreading both in case he gets no acknowledgment for either from my brother and his family. I am blessed with a large family and have lots of grandchildren who will make sure their great grandpa gets plenty of attention. Sadly it will not be a normal Christmas for any of us but especially for dad bless him

Brenny

Really sad story for all involved.

Would just say, is possible that son is on this forum - would anything being written help him avoid prosecution, etc?

Kernel_Sanders

NANANINANOONOO wrote: »

My brother has three grown up children in therir 20's two have very good jobs and still live rent free at his home & dad is worried about letting them know what has happened. I really dont know what to advise him, he wants them to know but I fear it will cause mega family rifts.

Just think of the rift that could have occurred if your brother defrauded his own sons and they then discovered that you could have warned them.
Seriously, your dad has not only become impoverished, he is actually been subsidizing his well-paid grandchildren. There's nothing for you and your dad to feel guilty about.

MuffinTops

Hello NANANINA,

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through and now the stress of your Dad's Birthday and Christmas with no contact to worry you too. I really hope you're all ok and am inspired by the love and support you have for your Dad.

One thing to think about regarding your Dad's word against your Brother's may not be exactly true because why would a Dad give just one of his children all of his money leaving nothing for the other child whom he is also close with? Would it be worth preparing some bank statements of your own to prove that no money was deposited from your Dad's account to yours as well as any proof of your loving relationship through the years?

Would that help to make it more unbelievable that your Dad decided to hand over every penny he had to just his son? Surely it would cast a massive doubt on your brother's words?

My thoughts and best wishes are very much with you and your Dad.

NANANINANOONOO

MuffinTops wrote: »

Hello NANANINA,

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through and now the stress of your Dad's Birthday and Christmas with no contact to worry you too. I really hope you're all ok and am inspired by the love and support you have for your Dad.

One thing to think about regarding your Dad's word against your Brother's may not be exactly true because why would a Dad give just one of his children all of his money leaving nothing for the other child whom he is also close with? Would it be worth preparing some bank statements of your own to prove that no money was deposited from your Dad's account to yours as well as any proof of your loving relationship through the years?

Would that help to make it more unbelievable that your Dad decided to hand over every penny he had to just his son? Surely it would cast a massive doubt on your brother's words?

My thoughts and best wishes are very much with you and your Dad.

Thank you for your kind words MuffinTops.

It would seem feasable to use my own statements and I certainly can prove no monies from dad have gone into my accounts. Both lifelong and new friends, colleagues, acquaintances and family know I have always had a very close loving relationship with my father and share everything with him, in my heart I know dad would never have done more for one of us than the other and logically it does not make sense that he would gift vast sums to my brother who on the surface lived and appeared far more affluent than any of us.

Robisere

Just read all of this NANANINA. I feel very very sorry for you and your dad and I hope you get some favourable result from this horrible situation.

I was in a similar position to your brother, being the youngest of 2 brothers by almost 20 years and leaving the army after my first relationship blew up. I went back to live with my parents in my 30's and stayed to look after them until they both passed away and I met my lovely wife.

As my parents both became quite ill, I looked after them. My eldest brother was also ill with the cancer that killed dad, but big bro was instrumental in getting me to take over mum & dad's finances, whilst the other brother never came to see them but felt free to criticise my care. I set them up with their first real bank account, as they were keeping their money in the house, but I had it done legally - I had an agreement drawn up by a trusted local solicitor, which stated that either dad or mum must countersign all the cheques I used to pay their bills. Later still, I convinced them to pay all utilities and household bills by Direct Debit, as I knew what would happen when big bro passed.

One day I came home from work to find that my remaining brother had phoned to say that I was not paying any board, so I went to the bank and presented him with copies of statements that showed my substantial board, being paid into their bank every month. Then I asked him if he wanted to do all the shopping, cooking, washing and ironing that I currently did for my parents. Even though he was retired early, with a big pension and an equally big golden handshake, he was not too keen on that.

Within 11 months, my much-loved big brother, dad and mum all passed away and I miss them still, many years later. However, I moved away some 70 miles from my remaining brother with my new family and now we have a wonderful family life.

I tell you all this to show you that families can always be a problem, you are not alone and similar stories are happening all over the world as I write this.

Last thing I will say is what my dad told me before he passed - that my remaining brother, still alive now at 83 later this month, had owed him £1,500 for many years and never paid him a penny back. When I expressed my anger at this, all dad would say was "I always had your love and your big brother's. I had nothing from him but debt." You see, it comes down now to what your dad will feel for you in his declining years. And as a person, you are worth hundreds like your brother.

NANANINANOONOO

Brenny wrote: »

Really sad story for all involved.

Would just say, is possible that son is on this forum - would anything being written help him avoid prosecution, etc?

To be honest I am so heartbroken by all of this and from watching my fathers utter distress and bewilderment I feel whatever will be will be. If my brother reads any of this and it helps him in some way then so be it, nothing will intensify or undo the pain my father has already endured.

Maybe by seeing the opinions and perceptions of other decent people my brother might actually realise the enormity of what he has done and at least show some remorse and concern towards his father who has always been there and done his best for him :0(

Brenny

From your last response I wonder if your father would find any peace by trying to understand that your brother probably has some sort of addiction that has led to this and to find it in his heart to forgive him. If you could forgive too it would support him. Lots of people will disagree - I don't even know if I could - but, in view of his age and the fact that there appears to be a lot of doubt as to whether there is any money left to repay your father, he would then have a chance of living the rest of his life in relative peace.

NANANINANOONOO

Brenny wrote: »

From your last response I wonder if your father would find any peace by trying to understand that your brother probably has some sort of addiction that has led to this and to find it in his heart to forgive him. If you could forgive too it would support him. Lots of people will disagree - I don't even know if I could - but, in view of his age and the fact that there appears to be a lot of doubt as to whether there is any money left to repay your father, he would then have a chance of living the rest of his life in relative peace.

It is hard to explain how it really feels to be in this whole sorry mess. Above all else the money is almost insignificant. For him to have done this feels like my brother has dissapeared or never was the person we all believed him to be. There is simply no reason or excuse for him to have done it...we are (were) a close knit family and whatever went wrong for him he could have approached dad or one of us, he absolutely knows that - he has seen others make terrible & very silly mistakes and always always they have been supported no matter what and his is definately not a drugs, drink or gambling issue. Sadly the only explanation is his greed and desire to have what he could not afford and because dad had a stroke around the time it started we cant help feeling maybe he thought dad would pass before anyone noticed.

Rather than being the modest decent straight as a die successful person my brother portrayed and established himself as for years, he has actually been weak underhand and deceitfully destroying those closest to him for a long time. I dont say any of those things to dad and always encourage him to express his feelings without any influence, dad knows I will always follow his lead and accept his choices no matter what. If he were to indicate at any time he wants to forgive my brother I would accept that for dads sake but in my heart it can never be the same. My brother has let it go on too long without manning up to his wrong doing or showing my dad an iota of respect and allowing him some peace. I have felt a mass of emotions as the days and weeks have passed where my tears and sadness turned to rage and back again to desperate sadness, now I almost feel nothing for him.

I hate myself for feeling the way I do about my brother who I foolishly held in such high esteem - but he is not someone I ever really knew...it was all fake and that betrayal of my ultimate trust in him feels far worse than any stranger could ever make me feel

So sorry about the emotional rambling...not having a very good day