how much time do you spend with your bf/ otherhalf?

bewilderedhelpneeded

Bennifred wrote: »

I think he sounds a bit needy. Why isn't he helping with the domestic stuff at weekends? It would be done more quickly, leave more free time, and earn him brownie points!

He wants you to spend more time with his children? Is there a particular reason for that, or is it that he doesn't want to look after them by himself?
What about spending time with your own children - it sounds like that is quite limited?

Maybe this is a relationship that won't have space/time to develop until both sets of children are independent. If you are happy to carry on with the current arrangement then he needs to accept things the way they are or do something about it (move closer). If he chooses not to move closer then he is expecting you to change your way of life (zumba) without changing his.
This is really his problem, not yours. Don't let him guilt trip you!

He isnt into his own domestic stuff so he def wont want to help me with mine lol. I could suggest it to him though and see what he says.

He does find it hard looking after his children but im past that stage with mine now and have no desire to take on a parenting role although id gladly help out if he stuck for childcare and I was available. I have come out of work on occasion and collected them from school when he wasnt able to as I know how hard it is being a single parent.

I dont spend an awful lot of time with my children due to them being older having their own interests part time jobs and their studying which is why im so keen to maintain me cooking a homecooked meal for us all so we can sit down and eat it and chat.

Im going to sugget again that he moves closer

BugglyB

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

Ive also thought about trying to study during my lunch break at work ( providing I can get one!) Problem is I need computer which means staying at my desk. I work in open plan office so distracting and people would constantly be interrupting me ( they do at the moment if I try and eat my lunch at my desk) I know you are at lunch but can I just ask you kind of thing! Lol. Maybe take computer into toilet and lock myself in cubicle with it as only way I can see I would get the peace and quiet I need lol

No - you need a proper break!

bewilderedhelpneeded

BugglyB wrote: »

To me exercise and my friends are very important to me. Zumba is good for you! But then, so is love :-)

Thats the way I feel - my family not in best of health which is why I try to eat healthily and exercise. But no point being fit and healthy is there at the expense of having a loving relationship. And no one knows whats waiting round the corner for uslol

bewilderedhelpneeded

BugglyB wrote: »

No - you need a proper break!

I know as its a stressful job - I was just trying to find potential spare time where I could fit something in to free up time elsewhere. Looking at it logically im going to have to knock zumba on the head. Perhaps now wasnt the time to start studying but hindsight a wonderful thing. Work paying for it so cant drop out

paulineb_2

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

I know as its a stressful job - I was just trying to find potential spare time where I could fit something in to free up time elsewhere. Looking at it logically im going to have to knock zumba on the head. Perhaps now wasnt the time to start studying but hindsight a wonderful thing. Work paying for it so cant drop out

You dont need to knock it on the head, you can do week about or do one class a week.

bewilderedhelpneeded

paulineb wrote: »

Many gyms allow people who arent members to PAYG.

Bottom line is you might need to sit and think about scaling the class back to one a week, or doing 2 classes one week and none the next

Or continue as you are. Its totally your choice, but if your partner feels hes hardly seeing you, at some point something is going to have to give

I assume the friends you see at zumba live with their partners therefore doing a class a couple of times a week isnt really a big deal

And somehow, with 365 days in a year, if friends can make time for zumba twice a week for an hour, they can surely make time for a social evening now and then.

There are friends I only see once every 3 or 4 weeks for a few hours but I still make the effort

Yes there is payg option by members get preference and the zumba classes always fully booked by members as they can book week in advance. If you want payg you have to phone day in advance to see if there are any spaces or turn up to see if there are any no shows.

Some of my friends live with their partners and some dont but none of them have same issue as me!

Brighton_belle

What reasons does he give for not moving closer?

bewilderedhelpneeded

Brighton_belle wrote: »

What reasons does he give for not moving closer?

A lot cheaper rent where he lives

paulineb_2

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

Yes there is payg option by members get preference and the zumba classes always fully booked by members as they can book week in advance. If you want payg you have to phone day in advance to see if there are any spaces or turn up to see if there are any no shows.

Some of my friends live with their partners and some dont but none of them have same issue as me!

I wouldnt expect people in your class to have the same issue as you, every relationship is different.

NoGoodNamesLeft

I wouldn't give up my hobby, especially considering it only takes 2 hours a week and seems to be the only thing you do for yourself.

Could you afford a cleaner or gardener to come in once a week to give you more spare time?

How long will your college course last? Once that's finished you could spend more evenings together.