how much time do you spend with your bf/ otherhalf?

kelpie35

By the sounds of things you really are coping with a lot.

You seem to be the kind of person that is organised and in control of your life. You are doing things that make YOU happy.

From what I have read I personally don't know how your relationship has lasted 5 years. You are giving me the impression you have no time for a relationship but your OH has too much time on his hands.

I would seriously consider if all the hassle you are experiencing from OH is worth it.

Would you not be better on your own?

bewilderedhelpneeded

victory wrote: »

You say your kids are old enough to be left on their own could they not help with the domestic stuff?

Could you not allocate a certain time/day to all domestic chores and not have to do them again until said day?

My children do do a certain amount of chores to help. However not to my standard although im very grateful for their help! I also have a dog who molts a lot and cream carpets - I didnt think about that one did I when I got him! My eldest is out of house about same time as me as has to get buses to college etc and also has part time job in eves/weekends. All that combined with having to study as well and a partner means I dont like to put too many chores on them so they clear up after themselves wash up put washing machine on and keep their rooms tidy. If I no time to do weekly shop at aldi I might do online shop with asda while im at work and have it delivered when they in. They then put it away for me. Cant do that all the time though as a lot more expensive than aldi shop! I do split the chores throughout the week but by time ive got in from work and cooked tea and done some study not much time to do a lot until bath and bed so i have to spend most nights doing some domestic stuff. I like a clean tidy house and i get very stressed if its chaotic but im by no means a clean freak! It is large house though which is why its usually blitz a couple of rooms an evening if i can to keep on top of it all abd garden is huge too - a couple of weeks without spending a bit of time out there spells disaster!

fluffnutter

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

If he does not have children he might go to pub occasionally finances allowing. Prob once a week or he will visit his family who live near him. But he does not really have any hobbies to speak of. Im trying to encourage him to have things he likes to do without me around as I feel its heathy to have seperate interests in a relationship

It is. Else you end up with the situation you find yourself in... Hmm, is this just about how much time you spend together or is that a manifestation of a deeper issue? That he feels things are stagnating and wants to move things along, and you're stalling?

TBH, couples disagree and have to find ways of compromising about all sorts of things. That's life - we're not all the same. But if you're squabbling over something as basic as when and how you see each other, then there are some possibly intractable problems in your relationship.

CH27

It seems you are making lots of excuses as to why you can't see him.
They are all get aroundable if you choose to get around them.

bewilderedhelpneeded

lika_86 wrote: »

You've been together five years now and I imagine have discussed how you see your relationship developing - what's the answer to this?

We have discussed him moving in here when time is right and he has cleared his debts and is a bit more financially stable. His debts were built up during his marriage he hasnt built up any more debt since he seperated. Debts caused due to loans/credit cards used to fund their day to day living holidays etc. All in his name. He looks back now and realises how foolish he was. Hopefully work will pick up for him as well but he is struggling to find regular work at the moment. He is considering trying to find paid employment if things dont improve. Unfortunately economy not good at moment and he needs to factor in childcare costs. Difficult as he lives 45 min drive from kids school and absolutely no way they could do it on public transport (we looked into it)

paulineb_2

You could do zumba and more household stuff on the weekend. I appreciate that you get attached to one instructor and its only an hour out of the evening, but I assume your class will be either 6-7 or 7-8 and then youd have to go over to his.

Thats 3 nights out of seven you cant see him and then some other stuff comes up at weekends as well, it is tough when you dont live together, but if you want to see one another more, its going to take some give and take on both sides

You could do evening Zumba one week and the next week do a Saturday or sunday morning class. I do a lot of classes and I do sunday mornings.

bewilderedhelpneeded

kelpie35 wrote: »

By the sounds of things you really are coping with a lot.

You seem to be the kind of person that is organised and in control of your life. You are doing things that make YOU happy.

From what I have read I personally don't know how your relationship has lasted 5 years. You are giving me the impression you have no time for a relationship but your OH has too much time on his hands.

I would seriously consider if all the hassle you are experiencing from OH is worth it.

Would you not be better on your own?[/QUOTE

This is very first opportunity ive had to go to college in order to hopefully improve my job prospects but have wanted to do it for years. My youngest now old enough to allow me to do this. Zumba makes me happy and relaxes me. Ive stopped doing other things eg i usd to read a lot - cant remember last time i read a book!) and made time for relationship but obviously not enough time! I also used to work while my children were at school only but 2 years ago went full time.

Faith177

I see my husband 1 night a week as he lives 80 miles away.

Next weekend we have a weekend off together first since June

We never spend bank holidays together or Christmas and only 1 New Year and we've been together 5 years in November and been married now for 5 months

bewilderedhelpneeded

fluffnutter wrote: »

It is. Else you end up with the situation you find yourself in... Hmm, is this just about how much time you spend together or is that a manifestation of a deeper issue? That he feels things are stagnating and wants to move things along, and you're stalling?

TBH, couples disagree and have to find ways of compromising about all sorts of things. That's life - we're not all the same. But if you're squabbling over something as basic as when and how you see each other, then there are some possibly intractable problems in your relationship.

Only compromise I can see is for me to not go to zumba. But its my only hobby and I tie it in with seeing my friends. Going to have to have a think if its as important as I think it is!

lostinrates

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

The problem we have is that we dont live together. I presume you and your oh do some domestic stuff together at weekends? So your domestic stuff is getting done but you still spending time together. My partner wants to spend the whole weekend we are together doing leisure stuff which isnt practical for me. If I do some domestic stuff in eves when he at mine he does not count this as time spent together and says it dont count as we not spending quality time together and that he dont see me eg he might be watching telly and I might be in another room tidying up

We do mainly domestic stuff ATM, and would like more leisure in our weekend balance, but cannot work it that way for a while. We spend the whole weekend together, mainly doing gardening or DIY. Our leisure is mainly our pets and some entertaining...which creates more domestic hassle!