how much time do you spend with your bf/ otherhalf?

bewilderedhelpneeded

CH27 wrote: »

You seem to rank Zumba higher than your OH.

Do you think so? Maybe I should stop going but its my only hobby and I tie it in with seeing my friends there. They are all married or in relationships though but they didnt have any advice to offer me when I put problem to them as their partners dont say they not spending enough time together

fluffnutter

Go to zumba together.

bewilderedhelpneeded

fluffnutter wrote: »

Go to zumba together.

I have suggested it but he looked at me like I was mad. I also suggested something like salsa classes but he really isnt interested unfortunately

paulineb_2

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

I have suggested it but he looked at me like I was mad. I also suggested something like salsa classes but he really isnt interested unfortunately

He doesnt have to be, some people dont like doing classes and thats it

These friends at zumba, are they good friends, do you see them socially, do lots of things with them?

How difficult would it be to find another class a week to do that would free up one evening to see your bf?

bewilderedhelpneeded

paulineb wrote: »

He doesnt have to be, some people dont like doing classes and thats it

These friends at zumba, are they good friends, do you see them socially, do lots of things with them?

How difficult would it be to find another class a week to do that would free up one evening to see your bf?

Yes they are good friends ive known them for ages. We started to go to zumba as we were finding it more and more difficult ti meet up socially. At best we prob only meet up now for a meal if its someones birthday. So if zumba stopped id only see them really at birthday meals. Ive looked at weekend classes and only ones available within 20 mile radius are at gyms where you have to be member. Works out very expensive if im only using gym membership for a couple of zumba sessions a month as joining gym and using other facilities would only compound current problem! I live in rural area so options limited re classes.

Bennifred

I think he sounds a bit needy. Why isn't he helping with the domestic stuff at weekends? It would be done more quickly, leave more free time, and earn him brownie points!

He wants you to spend more time with his children? Is there a particular reason for that, or is it that he doesn't want to look after them by himself?
What about spending time with your own children - it sounds like that is quite limited?

Maybe this is a relationship that won't have space/time to develop until both sets of children are independent. If you are happy to carry on with the current arrangement then he needs to accept things the way they are or do something about it (move closer). If he chooses not to move closer then he is expecting you to change your way of life (zumba) without changing his.
This is really his problem, not yours. Don't let him guilt trip you!

paulineb_2

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

Yes they are good friends ive known them for ages. We started to go to zumba as we were finding it more and more difficult ti meet up socially. At best we prob only meet up now for a meal if its someones birthday. So if zumba stopped id only see them really at birthday meals. Ive looked at weekend classes and only ones available within 20 mile radius are at gyms where you have to be member. Works out very expensive if im only using gym membership for a couple of zumba sessions a month as joining gym and using other facilities would only compound current problem! I live in rural area so options limited re classes.

Many gyms allow people who arent members to PAYG.

Bottom line is you might need to sit and think about scaling the class back to one a week, or doing 2 classes one week and none the next

Or continue as you are. Its totally your choice, but if your partner feels hes hardly seeing you, at some point something is going to have to give

I assume the friends you see at zumba live with their partners therefore doing a class a couple of times a week isnt really a big deal

And somehow, with 365 days in a year, if friends can make time for zumba twice a week for an hour, they can surely make time for a social evening now and then.

There are friends I only see once every 3 or 4 weeks for a few hours but I still make the effort

BugglyB

I think there are two approaches you can take - either 'this is how it is buddy, deal with it's - or to try and compromise - maybe do two zumba one week and one the next?

Ultimately it doesn't matter what we think or what is objectively 'fair'. If he can't cope with what you can give then that's his decision, but don't let him make you feel like you 'forced' him to leave, he has to take ownership of his own decisions. Good luck!

bewilderedhelpneeded

Ive also thought about trying to study during my lunch break at work ( providing I can get one!) Problem is I need computer which means staying at my desk. I work in open plan office so distracting and people would constantly be interrupting me ( they do at the moment if I try and eat my lunch at my desk) I know you are at lunch but can I just ask you kind of thing! Lol. Maybe take computer into toilet and lock myself in cubicle with it as only way I can see I would get the peace and quiet I need lol

BugglyB

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

Only compromise I can see is for me to not go to zumba. But its my only hobby and I tie it in with seeing my friends. Going to have to have a think if its as important as I think it is!

To me exercise and my friends are very important to me. Zumba is good for you! But then, so is love :-)