WWYD- Go to work or not?

maman

lostinrates wrote: »

My mil was faced with this when my bil was younger. She was lambasted by family and friends for going to a work thing when he needed an operation. He was with his father and other full time carer/ family member ( his nanny happened to be a family member too). If it were a father and his mother were with him I think people would have been more understanding.


I think it depends on the child and possibly the op, but I am not a parent. I cannot imagine any decision not to be with a child is that easy, but I don't think that makes it heartless.

That's a sad irony isn't it.

Personally I'd want to be available at all times and ideally be there when she came round if the hospital allowed. If she needs aftercare at home, that's the time for parents/grandparents to share it around.

mandi

Spendless wrote: »

Your child needs an op, not a serious one, but one that requires a GA. They will be admitted to hospital at 7.30am and discharged later that day.



You could do with the money you'll get paid for that day due to some unexpected bills eg car repair and school trips. You don't need the money to pay utility bills or groceries.

What would you do?

This was the dilemma, that faced me earlier.

Spendless It's not really a dilemma is it ??

Your child is ten years old and needs a GA the first person they want to be there is mum .

Sorry if I sound blunt .

Tiddlywinks

Can't understand why you're asking to be honest.

If you can live with leaving your child in that situation then that is obviously your choice... Personally, I couldn't... but that's me, not you.

coolcait

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Can't understand why you're asking to be honest.

If you can live with leaving your child in that situation then that is obviously your choice... Personally, I couldn't... but that's me, not you.

I'm not sure what you're getting at by saying "If you can live with leaving your child in that situation"

If anyone is getting an op under GA, then - after the 'check-in' formalities are finished - they get taken away to be prepped for the operation/hang around waiting, get the OP, get looked after post-op until a point they can have visitors, then are allowed to go home.

You don't get to go with them for most of the process.

In this scenario, the OP has ensured that the patient will be accompanied to the hospital, and will be accompanied up until the point that the hospital process takes over.

The OP has also ensured that a close relative of the patient will be there when access is permitted again, and to take the patient home.

If you look at it based on the practical facts, why is this an "if you can live with yourself" situation?

In this scenario, the patient happens to be a child. One parent is with the child prior to the [apparently minor] op; the other parent is with the child post-op.

The child is being parented at every point when the parents actually have any access.

So, why would it be wrong for one of the parents to be at work at some points, as long as the other parent is there for the child?

coolcait

mandi wrote: »

Spendless It's not really a dilemma is it ??

Your child is ten years old and needs a GA the first person they want to be there is mum .

Sorry if I sound blunt .

You don't sound 'blunt' so much as stereotypical.

Some children want dad to be there at times like this.

Some would like to have mum and dad.

Some would rather have nanna and/or papa.

Mums tend to think/imagine/hope that their children just want mum to be there.

Sometimes they do.

Sometimes they don't.

Dumbe

I find it interesting that posters have assumed the op is female.

My view is as long as their is a parent available (father or mother) then that's what matters.

In the situation described I would have gone to work (and given the gender bias that a lot seem to have i will add that I am female)

To me both parents are equal and the idea that one parent being more important is offensive or a greater care responsibility. Both parents created the child, both parents have equal responsibility, gender should not play a part.

Both parents should be judged to the same care standard at all times irrespective of gender.

coolcait

maman wrote: »

Personally I'd want to be available at all times and ideally be there when she came round if the hospital allowed. If she needs aftercare at home, that's the time for parents/grandparents to share it around.

But that's really an expresision of what the parent wants and needs and believes.

What the child wants and needs and believes might be different.

So, as a mum, I might want to be there when my child was ill. I might 'need' to be there for various reasons - including societal expectations and pressures. I might believe that my child wanted and needed me to be there.

However, I know that there was a point when my children preferred to have granny there when they were ill. Because granny let them lie on the couch watching telly, and eating anything they 'felt up to eating'.

In the OP scenario, my children would be thrilled to be met by granny after the GA had worn off. Because of granny's approach to sick grandchildren (very different from her approach to sick children ).

They'd be very disappointed if I picked them up. Because - although they might be allowed to lie on the couch watching telly, in such exceptional circumstances - I'd be unlikely to go along with their idea that dinner might include packets of crisps, and packets of Haribo, but exclude any other major food groups.

Even if they 'felt up to eating' crisps and haribo.

Savvy_Sue

Thankfully, I've never had this dilemma with the boys. Although when DS1 was in hospital for a couple of days, his dad used to come in at lunchtime so I could have a break, and his dad stayed overnight so I could be with the younger one. But Dad was at work when he wasn't at the hospital.

However, when I've been in hospital, DH has been at work. Every time. He phones up to find out if I'm out of recovery or not, and then comes to hold the sick bowl.

I wouldn't want him to sit around fretting, would I?

Alikay

I'd be with my child at the hospital. Within the last year two of my foster children have needed operations and each time I was with them right up to the anaesthetic room as they went under and then waiting for them as they came out of theatre into the recovery room. There was only a period of less than an hour when the surgery was taking place when I wasn't needed.

All the children in the department had a parent or carer with them, and there simply weren't any spare staff around to comfort and reassure kids. In our hospital parents have a very hands-on role playing with, dressing, feeding, reassuring etc. Plus there was always someone appearing with yet another form to be completed. I don't think you'll have time to go to work that day!

dibuzz

I would have to have the day off and be with the child.
When my son has his ear ops I was nearly always there when he was put to sleep (leaving them is awful when their eyes are still open but you are assured they are under) and always there when he woke up (usually crying and needing a hug)
The only time I wasn't there was when my daughter was 8 months old and had just been very ill herself and my other son was 3.
Ex decided he would stay at the hospital with eldest (5) as it was the easier option.
My son was fine but I felt guilty for months after especially as I had recently spent a week in hospital with my daughter.

Spendless, I hope the op goes well for your child.