Living with a partner - how to decide what she should contribute financially?

playaz

Mojisola wrote: »

That's because you're mixing up "getting married" with "having a wedding do".

Good point.. I just assumed getting married was supposed to the 'best day of your lives'... and it would worry me as (husband or a wife) that as a couple we spent more on the PS3. (You get my thinking...)

Anyway must dash.. houses to view and all

persa

playaz wrote: »

No offence but that would be ONE pretty depressing day with a budget of £200.. not sure what the average wedding day costs but when I last checked it was in the tens of thousands not hundreds :-)

If you really wanted to marry her, you could do so cheaply. You could always have a renewal of vows (and big party) many years later when you have more cash to splash. Two people quietly making a declaration of love to each other isn't depressing - assuming of course the sentiment is real.

Spouses share things. The law says so. If you don't believe me, have a wedding and a divorce. Marriage means your relationship suddenly plays by other people's rules, not just your own. It is after all, a legal contract.

If you were in a stage of your relationship where you really really wanted to get married, you would be sharing joint assets already - the paper would be a formality.

You do not want to share your toys, therefore you clearly don't want to get married yet. Which is fine, you don't have to, but I don't see the point in saying you do?

So how much should your girlfriend contribute? Well, if you want to keep assets separate, she shouldn't pay for your mortgage or any maintenance costs. Splitting the bills (fuel, telephone, food, etc) would be reasonable if she moves in full time. How to split them? Will you both use them 50:50, or does one of you want a particular expense, such as tv subscription?

Is it fair for you to split bills 50:50 if it means your girlfriend has less money at the end of the month? Well, it depends on whether you want to subsidise her. If she can't afford 50:50 and would have to live away from you, would this matter? Would you rather split things, say 75:25 or live alone?

Given your attitude, I think you need to charge her an amount based on actual bills, not just plucked out of the air like £250 seems to be.

If you disagree with her not paying part of the mortgage (and yet don't want her to have any rights to the house), she should rent somewhere of her own.

Just because you're buying, doesn't mean she has to live with you. She can always move in later, when your relationship is more serious. Buying a house is stressful enough without letting it push you into making decisions in your personal life that aren't right.

playaz

persa wrote: »

You do not want to share your toys, therefore you clearly don't want to get married yet.

I don't own any toys ;-) You are probably right in relation with the utility bills which is probably what i'll do

Mojisola

persa wrote: »

If you disagree with her not paying part of the mortgage (and yet don't want her to have any rights to the house), she should rent somewhere of her own.

A sensible alternative is for her to move in with you but to save a lump sum every month that she would otherwise be paying on rent. I think someone earlier said they did this.

If things go well and the relationship progresses, she can either buy into the house/use the money for a joint holiday/keep it as a joint rainy day fund/or whatever.

If she ends up wanting to move out, she will have a lump sum for a deposit and your home will still be all yours.

hgotsparkle

Though we rent, my OH earns twice as much as me yet we split all bill straight down the middle, though if we get an unexpected bill it is usually him who pays for it and he's paid more frequently than I am and I return the favour by not expecting him to do any cooking or cleaning, and doing it all myself (as I have more time off than him) and it works, we never have issues with money.

Soleil_lune

I agree with some on here Playaz, that you don't seem ready to commit to living together and getting married. You sound a little immature and like if you earn more money than her, you will think you automatically have a right to spend more on your gadgets and games or nights out with pals (or whatever you want to spend it on.) I'm not trying to be critical, or say that you're doing anything wrong or bad; just that I really believe you are not ready for the commitment of a long term live in relationship, and certainly not marriage.

Re wedding costs: it's entirely up to the individual(s) what they spend of course, and it's not for anyone to say what should be spent, and spending £200 on a whole wedding - including reception and honeymoon, would not work for me. That said, I cringe when I hear about people going 10s of 1000s into debt for their wedding day (or worse, expecting their parents to!) If you cannot categorically afford to spend £15-20K plus on your wedding, and not miss that money, then don't do it! You can have a perfectly decent wedding and reception with close family and friends (and the honeymoon) for a couple of grand.

Duskylady

Easy

"GF you are beautiful and lovely (you should start all conversations like this) as the house is in my name only I don't feel comfortable expecting you to contribute to the mortgage as only I am listed as an owner of the house.

I suggest we split the bills 50:50 and you put aside the money you would be saving on rent. Once the fixed rate ends 2 yrs 5 whatever you can use that money to buy into the house by providing a larger deposit and go on the mortgage, or we can decide to use it for something else. (Hint hint)

This way if you do split up she isn't left with nothing and there is no bad feeling about her having "paid for part of your house" you haven't lost anything as you still own the house and have saved 50% of your bills.

playaz

Duskylady wrote: »

Easy

"GF you are beautiful and lovely (you should start all conversations like this) .

Most definitely using the first line that's for sure!! :-)

FloppyDisk

My partner and I are in a similar situation but a little further along. I own the flat and as such, cover all the costs associated with it. OH is a student and pays £100 a month to my £1100. When he gets a job I still intend to keep up my 'ownership' by covering the costs while he saves for a deposit on the next place. When we're ready to merge those assets we will, but for now it works for us with no animosity. If I couldn't have afforded the place alone I wouldn't have bought it, nor could I have gotten a mortgage.

C_Mababejive

Well i realise there have been a few fingers pointed at the OP but I think he is wise to consider financial arrangements ahead of this new arrangement. Our advice really should be directed at the lady of this partnership though sadly she isnt here and isnt seeking it. The OP is quite correctly guarding his interests. The lady..well she may not realise how weak her position may be. She could be lobbed out on the street at a moments notice. If finance and similar arrangements are sorted early on,then it saves a lot of grief later. Of course you have to have an occasional update/review.