Living with a partner - how to decide what she should contribute financially?

playaz

Haha!! I love the responses brilliant :-) As for the username its a really really old gamer handle I used to have when I played games a loooonng time ago :-)

As for the other comments... I feel privileged my post is getting all this conversation going on!

Nobody can predict the future, we've been together for 5 years but who knows we may not be together in 5 years time.. who knows I could be hit by a bus next week.. the point is nobody knows.

What I do know is that a lot of people are getting on the bandwagon somewhat.. partner, girlfriend whatever you want to call it.. I am not sure why people are implying I have such evil intentions lol..

I just wondered as a 30-something male that I expected people like myself who are looking to move into their first home with the boyfriend/girlfriend with a similar scenario.. lets be fair less people get married nowadays for a number of reasons.. one reason is simply the cost... I simply could not afford to get married and buy a house at the same time. We decided that having somewhere to live was a bit more important than a fancy all-frills wedding day/weekend.

As a novice to the buying game I just wondered what suggestions people have on how they determine splitting costs - obviously everyone has a different situation but it is interesting to see what others do in the same/similar situation as myself.

However there isn't any need for this 'agenda' against me I'm only asking a little advice from fellow MSE members. In fairness I could probably pay for the mortgage and all the bills on my salary alone, but I am sure that this would in its own right cause a load of problems hence why I ask the question.

And as for merging finances... with all due respect to people who do that fair play to them that is your choice, but as stated we aren't married at the moment and secondly having control of my money is something I kinda like.. I feel merging our accounts that I'd be losing control of my finances somewhat.. but that is just my opinion

I need a drink now :beer:

AlexLK

playaz wrote: »

Haha!! I love the responses brilliant :-) As for the username its a really really old gamer handle I used to have when I played games a loooonng time ago :-)

Glad you can take a bit of banter!

duchy

Can I ask why you aren't buying the house together? Five years is a fair time to know whether you have a future together or not.

(personally I think by six months to a year in most people know if they have found-the one tbh)

playaz

duchy wrote: »

Can I ask why you aren't buying the house together? Five years is a fair time to know whether you have a future together or not.

(personally I think by six months to a year in most people know if they have found-the one tbh)

Easy - she isn't in full-time employment so doesn't make any sense putting her name on the application or so I've been told by the 'independent financial advisors'.. if we both had full-time & stable employment then it wouldn't be a problem.

playaz

AlexLK wrote: »

Glad you can take a bit of banter!

Anytime!!

silvercar

If you were a seriously high earning guy and she was earning 10% of your earnings, she clearly couldn't afford to pay 50% of everything. If you were moving in together, she would be living in to a property way above what she could afford if she was on her own or choosing to live with someone of comparable income. You would then think it reasonable that she contribute much less because you would both never get to a point where you could contribute equally. (Unless you both lived somewhere cheap and that may be a sacrifice too much.) so it may be reasonable to ask her to contribute an amount equal to the sort of rent she would be paying if she lived somewhere reasonable for her income. That does mean you are subsidising her living in your style, but you are in a relationship so that should be a compromise worth making.

Goldiegirl

There's no agenda against you - the thing with posting on an open forum is that you get a range of opinions, some of which do not agree with your own.

You haven't said yet what your girlfriend thinks about all this.

She must have thoughts about how much she is able to pay and how this arrangement will work. The fact that you haven't mentioned this leads me to think that you haven't discussed this together. Even though one of you earns more, you are still entering into a partnership, in which both parties have their say. Just because you earn more it doesn't mean you are calling the shots, the people in a partnership both contribute, and not just financially.

For me, if I was moving in with a long term boyfriend, I would expect to be a joint owner of the property, which would mean that I would be on the mortgage. No other arrangement would be acceptable to me.

The apparaant lack of discussion with your girlfriend, and your comments that you like to be in control of your finances, make me think you are not yet ready for a mature partnership.

isisini

If you're not sure whether you're serious about each other because you haven't lived together, why not rent together first? Pay proportionate amounts towards rent and bills. During this time, perhaps your gf could look at getting a stable job so she can be on a mortgage if you buy.

My boyfriend (now fiance) bought together after living together for a couple of years - we are not married but we have merged our finances (we each retain a bit of individual money each month so we still have some independence) and have a Deed in Trust which protects our individual interests in the house.

Most of my friends have done something similar - except in one case I know, where the much higher earning partner already had a house and his OH would have never have been approved to go on the mortgage. In this case he doesn't charge her rent, but rather she uses the equivalent money first to pay off her debts and then to contribute to a saving account which they're now using to pay for their wedding.

This seems a much fairer way to me to go about things - sustaining a long-term, live-in relationship where one person has lots of disposable income and the other has none would lead to a lot of resentment from the lower earning partner, I would have thought.

IronWolf

I wouldnt ask for rent, as you earn more and any money she pays for rent she could claim later that she is entitled to a portion of the property.

Split the other bills 50/50, or maybe get her to agree to even pay 100% of the other bills in exchange for living rent free.

Soot2006

OH and I were in similar situation (I had only unstable and part time employment at the time as was studying at university and able to scrape some teaching for money). We did buy the house together and we split everything from thereon 50/50. We did NOT merge finances and I can understand why people wouldn't want to - I personally don't like the idea of if. Our solicitor made us a deed of trust for how the house or monies from the house would be shared out if we part ways. Might not sound romantic but it works for us. I wouldn't have been happy not being on the mortgage/deeds at all though as it was something we were doing *together*. If it's not something you're doing together, then it's important your g/f understand the financial implications - i.e. she is merely paying lodgings and it is not her house.