Sons' Dad Being Difficult

peachyprice

cakeforbrains wrote: »

I am happy for the boys to spend half the holidays with their dad as well as every second weekend. As far as I can see it this is sharing the 'quality time' equally.

It isn't equal though is it. You've just had them 4 weeks out of the 6 weeks holiday, you have them every evening, you have them every other weekend.

When separated parents 'share school holidays' they usually mean one parent will have one half term the other will have the next, not split the week between them.

Sorry, considering the amount of time they spend with you and your husband you are being deliberately difficult over a few extra days.

These are children, not your possessions to 'allow' your ex to spend time with. You both have equal rights to spend equal time with them, why do you think it's right that you're the one, out of you and your children, who gets their own way? Your children want to spend time with their dad, their dad wants them there, but you get to veto that? Who is it being unfair?

Fosterdog

What happens for the other half terms/end of terms for the rest of the year? Is that split 50/50 or do you have them? If split maybe you could change it so you have one full week each but at different times of the year. If not then you already get a lot more quality holiday time with them so just let them spend the extra week with their dad.

I have to agree with your ex that while you have them every week night and every other weekend homework should mostly be done in your time, you have a lot more time with them than he does.

FatVonD

I agree with the others that you should let them go for the whole of the october half term (unless you work full time and don't get to spend much time with them?) There will come a time when they're older when they'll be reluctant to go for that length of time so let him see them while they still want to go.

My own situation is much like Fbaby's, my ex pays nothing towards his son's upkeep. My own DS is 16 now and he's not blind or stupid, he knows what's what as will yours when they are grown

Kayalana99

Actally I am not sure where I got Oct was 2 weeks from now

Prothet_of_Doom

Get your husband and your ex husband's wife, to talk to the kids, and tell them the ground rules.

They actually can choose which parent to live with.
If they change their mind that isn't a problem.
Dad is not allowed to be rude about mum, and vice versa.
All suggested changes in plans will be looked at and if FEASIBLE they will be changed.

Fosterdog

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Sorry PP this is the 2nd time you seem to have misinterpted this although this time I am unsure if its just the way you worded it this time.

The hoilday is 2 weeks, OP has said one week with her & one with him. So 50/50 for that particlar 2 week half term.

Don't think this would actally change your opinion on it though

Personally I feel the Dad had hardly any interest in them untill CSA got invovled and he is now thinking it will probally be cheaper for him to have them more...

Actually October is a half term not end of term so is only 1 week not two, the Two week end of term will be in december for xmas.

So OP is suggesting splitting the week in half and not one week each.

Treevo

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Sorry PP this is the 2nd time you seem to have misinterpted this although this time I am unsure if its just the way you worded it this time.

The hoilday is 2 weeks, OP has said one week with her & one with him. So 50/50 for that particlar 2 week half term.

Don't think this would actally change your opinion on it though

Personally I feel the Dad had hardly any interest in them untill CSA got invovled and he is now thinking it will probally be cheaper for him to have them more...

Half-term is one week, not two.

duchy

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Actally I am not sure where I got Oct was 2 weeks from now

October half term is usually one week.

I think in this situation I'd ring Dad and tell him he can have the whole week ......and tell him you have booked a lovely sunshine break whilst they are away........ You'll soon find out if wanting the week is a "power play" or if he genuinely wants them then.

Why are you so set against him having the whole week ? It's fairly usual in this kind of situation.

kiddy_guy

Sorry but I agree with the OP.

A father who wants the children on own terms, or as a means to reduce his CSA payment, especially when he makes the children decide which parent they want to spend time with, at the same time as badmouthing their mother and stepfather.

That's not a parent at all; just a bully. Would you want your child to grow up with these traits?

duchy

We don't know if he's doing it to reduce his payments (good luck with that most kids cost far more for those extra stays than he'll save) just the OP's feelings that he *might* be.

He may genuinely want to spend more time with the kids......there's obviously no love lost between the parents so the OP's opinion is of course subjective ,