Sons' Dad Being Difficult

FBaby

I don't see what is fair about him having them for the entire of the October half term. My husband works and has to take time off to spend time with the family as well, and we also have another son so they have a step-sibling here too.

This is where you are going wrong. Your children have reached an age when contact isn't any longer about fairness between the parents, but gradually about what the kids want to do.

The only thing you need to take into consideration is what your boys want to do. If they want to spend the whole week there, then you need to consider it from their perspective. That doesn't mean that you go along with everything they want, but you need to change your frame of mind from trying to be fair with their dad to trying to be fair with them.

It does sound from your posts that they do want to be there the whole week, whatever the reason. They might not be going anywhere but their dad has said he would join them in an activity of something. It would be very frustrating for your boys and their dad to be told no way Jose just because it isn't fair you get to miss out on 2 1/2 days with them without even discussing it.

Oh do I know how frustrating it is to give in for the sake of the children when their father get what he wants when he has done so little in the past, but do it for your own conscience that the best parent is the one that listens to the need of their children before anything else.

duchy

peachyprice wrote: »

That's quite unusual though isn't it, do you have shorter summer hols?

Most schools, at the moment, follow the same holiday timetable. OP says hers does.

Our primary in Surrey (CoE under Croydon LEA) used to have two weeks at Whitsun and finish a week later than the other schools in July as so many parents took their kids out for the week after Whitsun for affordable holidays anyway (this was pre-fines). Eventually it went back in line as a minority of parents complained as they had kids at other schools too and it complicated holidays (they said).

Personally I don't see a problem with having "core weeks" and some flexible ones at the breaks -might help dilute the impact on holiday prices.

fluffnutter

Another thread, another tawdry ex-couple squabbling over their kids.

Person_one

I'm quite surprised that people are focusing so much on the 'timeshare' side of things here.

Surely the huge, massive, must be dealt with as a matter of urgency issue is that dad is teaching his sons that name calling, making fun of family members, picking on people for their appearance and laughing at people behind their backs is acceptable.

He's teaching them how to be little bullies, this is really not on!

peachyprice

Person_one wrote: »

I'm quite surprised that people are focusing so much on the 'timeshare' side of things here.

Surely the huge, massive, must be dealt with as a matter of urgency issue is that dad is teaching his sons that name calling, making fun of family members, picking on people for their appearance and laughing at people behind their backs is acceptable.

He's teaching them how to be little bullies, this is really not on!

I don't think either of them are doing too great on the parenting front TBH.

Daddy's teaching that it's ok to be disrespectful to people by name calling.

Mummy's teaching them that it if you speak your mind and say what you want, it's ok for someone to manipulate you into doing what they want.

The children don't stand a chance.

Person_one

peachyprice wrote: »

Mummy's teaching them that it if you speak your mind and say what you want, it's ok for someone to manipulate you into doing what they want.

Sorry, what?

peachyprice

Person_one wrote: »

Sorry, what?

Her boys told her they wanted to go to their dad's for half term, reiterated that their dad wasn't making them say it and they did want to go.

OP then sat them down for several hours telling them that it was ok for them to spend half the holiday with their dad and half at home, that's what is normal and what everyone else does, despite them already telling her that that's not what they wanted.

Thus teaching them that manipulating them into doing what she wants is fine.

olibrofiz

I'm with the OP regarding the October half term break. When DD was at school the break was a good time to fit in dentist appointments, shop for anything needed, and just to chill with her/have a day away instead of the usual up and out to school/work. DD spent half of the week with her Dad, and half with me - can't see anything wrong with that.

On longer breaks, then yes, go for a week at a time, but half term, don't see why people think the OP is controlling or selfish for not wanting them to go for the week. And I think the ex's comments are well out of order!

As my DD got to 14/15 I begged her Dad to have her for a week at a time, and said he could keep the maintenance for the period of time she was with him :o

Kayalana99

peachyprice wrote: »

Her boys told her they wanted to go to their dad's for half term, reiterated that their dad wasn't making them say it and they did want to go.

OP then sat them down for several hours telling them that it was ok for them to spend half the holiday with their dad and half at home, that's what is normal and what everyone else does, despite them already telling her that that's not what they wanted.

Thus teaching them that manipulating them into doing what she wants is fine.

I don't see whats wrong with sitting down with your kids and trying to explain her own feelings and trying to get them to see the bigger picture.

Kids are very single minded and its better parenting in my opinion to talk to them then the way others do it...ignore them and do what they want anyway...shout at them for doing something wrong when they don't understand why...

So many threads are started and people say 'talk to them' why does them being kids make it wrong to try and get them to see your point of view?

If the 11 year old wanted a Mcdonalds are they old enough to know that its bad for them and should make their own decisions? Kids always see the grass is greener on the other side..thats not to say they shouldn't have an opinion when it comes to their Dad, and should have more say when they go...but the mother has done nothing wrong in discussing it with them.

Person_one

peachyprice wrote: »

Her boys told her they wanted to go to their dad's for half term, reiterated that their dad wasn't making them say it and they did want to go.

OP then sat them down for several hours telling them that it was ok for them to spend half the holiday with their dad and half at home, that's what is normal and what everyone else does, despite them already telling her that that's not what they wanted.

Thus teaching them that manipulating them into doing what she wants is fine.

They didn't tell her after their dad had left though, they told her in a rehearsed way with him supervising.

I think its reasonable (and normal) to want to share the half term 50/50 anyway. The winter term is the longest by far, weekends have homework and so on, it seems fair that they share the nicest bit or she doesn't get any 'holiday' downtime with them until a few days before Christmas