Boyfriend

HPoirot

Seems he's just testing your reaction and hasn't made his mind up yet. Agree that some guys have the impression that all girls out there are overly keen to settle down. Best play it cool as you have done and when you really want a serious convo then you'll take it on an even keel and not go by hints and passing comments.

Mojisola

*max* wrote: »

If you want to discuss something with him, then do it! Don't go all coy and jokey then complain he hasn't acted on anything.

skullncrossbones wrote: »

I don't want to have a serious talk with him cos I think that would scare him. Guess I just have to wait and see.

Why wait and see? Next time he says something jokey that you find confusing just say - I'm sure what you mean when you say things like that - and get him to talk about it.

Dunroamin

Person_one wrote: »

I certainly hope not! I'm always inviting people to come and stay with me, or they ask if they can stay. I definitely don't want any of them moving in for good! :eek:

Who said for good?

southoftheriver

skullncrossbones wrote: »

I guess it's just a fear of rejection. I bring it up and he runs a mile. Then I guess he wasn't right for me in the first place.

That's a bit melodramatic isn't it? You just need to both sit down and talk to each other instead of running scared...

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

Who said for good?

The OP is talking about moving in, that's a permanent arrangement, every day, all their stuff in the same place etc.

Are you misreading something or am I? The OP said her boyfriend had talked about her 'coming to stay' and you said that was him asking her to move in with him, didn't you?

I'm so confused.

meritaten

skullncrossbones wrote: »

Kynthia, that makes a lot of sense. I'm going through some hard stuff at work so that's stressing me out. Think once that's sorted I'll feel better.

We get on really well, we don't argue, had the odd moan but nothing important. He's lovely, looks after me, makes lots of effort. I can't fault him...just with this mentioning business. I don't want to have a serious talk with him cos I think that would scare him. Guess I just have to wait and see. And no I wouldn't rely on someone else, and he is fully supportive of my ambitions just as I am of his. Thanks for the advice.

but, it does because you are thinking 'this could be long term - he has dropped hints, but, I am scared so brushed them off'?
I think the 'serious talk' scares YOU! so you are putting your fears on to him? does that make sense?
I think, he thinks you could be the one - but you are so 'skittish' you may be putting him off? he may not think you feel as he does? therefore he 'pulls back'.
time for some honesty here don't you think?

skullncrossbones

meritaten wrote: »

but, it does because you are thinking 'this could be long term - he has dropped hints, but, I am scared so brushed them off'?
I think the 'serious talk' scares YOU! so you are putting your fears on to him? does that make sense?
I think, he thinks you could be the one - but you are so 'skittish' you may be putting him off? he may not think you feel as he does? therefore he 'pulls back'.
time for some honesty here don't you think?

That makes alot of sense. And yes it does scare me, but I guess if somethings worth doing there's a little fear in it. Yes I think you're right. If he brings anything else up I will be honest with him and not laugh it off. You totally read the whole situation better then I could.

tinkerbell28

It's 7 months. Enjoy it, stop all the angst and drama. There is no hurry to define your long term relationship, or see of you will be "waiting decades".

You may find in a year, you've grown apart, or have naturally moved onto the next stage.

Dunroamin

Person_one wrote: »

The OP is talking about moving in, that's a permanent arrangement, every day, all their stuff in the same place etc.

Are you misreading something or am I? The OP said her boyfriend had talked about her 'coming to stay' and you said that was him asking her to move in with him, didn't you?

I'm so confused.

Since when has moving in been permanent? Even marriage isn't permanent for many couples!

We could either of us be right but, unless she asks him to clarify, none of us will know.

skullncrossbones

Yep all very true. Sometimes you just need it written down in front of you to see clearly. I'm my own worst enemy.