Boyfriend

meritaten

skullncrossbones wrote: »

Hmmm maybe, I laughed and said "nah, I'm alright." so he didn't get an ego boost. I'm not saying I want to run off into the sunset with him and live happily ever after, just stop mentioning stuff if you don't plan on doing anything about it. And trust me I'm very independent which he knows, I wouldn't have a big wedding as I think they're a waste of money and I don't want kids for a years yet. Some women aren't after that dream

so you are giving off the message that YOU don't see wedding bells? he has dropped hints to sound you out because he doesn't want to propose and look a right twit if you say no! and now you are on here complaining he isn't acting on his hints?

tbh, I am not sure you are mature enough to be thinking of marriage or living together. You seem to think its funny to 'slap him down', yet you expect him to make a big deal out of asking you to move in or to propose.

Dunroamin

skullncrossbones wrote: »

Haha Dunroamin why would you say you can come stay with me not we could move in together? I'm not a mind reader, surely men need to be direct too?

Sounds like exactly the same thing to me!

skullncrossbones

meritaten wrote: »

so you are giving off the message that YOU don't see wedding bells? he has dropped hints to sound you out because he doesn't want to propose and look a right twit if you say no! and now you are on here complaining he isn't acting on his hints?

tbh, I am not sure you are mature enough to be thinking of marriage or living together. You seem to think its funny to 'slap him down', yet you expect him to make a big deal out of asking you to move in or to propose.

No I'm not mature enough to be thinking about marriage, and I don't find it funny to "slap it him down" my response is a sign of insecurity. I don't expect him to make a big deal out of that stuff, I just wish he wouldn't say things and never talk to me seriously. Then I guess why would you if I "slap him down." I'm my own worst enemy. Thank you for being honest though, helps me to realise and think about my actions.

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

Sounds like exactly the same thing to me!

I certainly hope not! I'm always inviting people to come and stay with me, or they ask if they can stay. I definitely don't want any of them moving in for good! :eek:

meritaten

skull - haven't you considered the fact that HE is feeling insecure about YOU? he HAS dropped hints which you have brushed off because YOU are insecure! Its like a farce! you are both beating about the bush because both of you are dead scared! it would be funny if it wasn't in danger of you both going off because you didn't communicate!

skullncrossbones

Person_one wrote: »

I certainly hope not! I'm always inviting people to come and stay with me, or they ask if they can stay. I definitely don't want any of them moving in for good! :eek:

Haha, see this is why you need to be careful of what you say!

Kynthia

skullncrossbones wrote: »

Sorry it's all a big confusing eh! My minds a big melting pot and probably not making sense. I am happy, very happy, I don't want to rush things. If anything I think I'm angry because he said he would move out, which he knows I'm desperate to do. Not specifically with him, just soon as possible as my mum and I will end up murdering one another. So the fact that he can afford to move out, yet I can't unless it's with someone, is almost like showing off, so perhaps I'm bitter and jealous. And no I'm not hoping he'll propose. We've been together a very short time, I'm not about to marry someone I've known that little amount of time.

I think it's a little clearer now, although I think you realise that you are little confused. That's okay as around the 6-8 month point in a new relationship is a good point to think about things as now you know more about each other and how well you get on. You think things like is it working, is there a future, is this person someone you want to continue being with, do they have the qualities you would want in a partner, etc? Also in your mid-twenties is when you start thinking about whether you are on the right career path, are you heading in the direction you want in life, and start to want to live a more independent adult life. Don't rely on someone else, there is great pride in getting where you want in life on your own although you can still have a partner while doing it.

*max*

Why don't you just ask him if he wants to move in with you?

I think you're being way too "hinty" and second-guessing everything for a couple who has been together for 7 months. By now you should be able to talk to each other without beating around the bush and hoping the other somehow gets the hint.

If you want to discuss something with him, then do it! Don't go all coy and jokey then complain he hasn't acted on anything. That's the kind of behaviour I can imagine after a couple of weeks dating maybe, not 7 months.

skullncrossbones

Kynthia, that makes a lot of sense. I'm going through some hard stuff at work so that's stressing me out. Think once that's sorted I'll feel better.

We get on really well, we don't argue, had the odd moan but nothing important. He's lovely, looks after me, makes lots of effort. I can't fault him...just with this mentioning business. I don't want to have a serious talk with him cos I think that would scare him. Guess I just have to wait and see. And no I wouldn't rely on someone else, and he is fully supportive of my ambitions just as I am of his. Thanks for the advice.

skullncrossbones

*max* wrote: »

Why don't you just ask him if he wants to move in with you?

I think you're being way too "hinty" and second-guessing everything for a couple who has been together for 7 months. By now you should be able to talk to each other without beating around the bush and hoping the other somehow gets the hint.

If you want to discuss something with him, then do it! Don't go all coy and jokey then complain he hasn't acted on anything. That's the kind of behaviour I can imagine after a couple of weeks dating maybe, not 7 months.

I guess it's just a fear of rejection. I bring it up and he runs a mile. Then I guess he wasn't right for me in the first place.