Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

debtfreewannabe321

Mara could you perhaps have that same conversation with my DH...after you've finished with Alex I'm sorry to have to say I've told my dh off many times for being irresponsible with money xx

bess1234_2

You have approached this as a sprint whereas its really its a long distance walk. But your progress has been spectacular, and all you've done is try.

can you keep this up for another two weeks ? then you can review it and see what you can manage long term. However saying its all too hard after two weeks isn't brilliant, tho probably normal. So just a dip. If you give yourself a kick up the bum. Course it's hard, your not used to having to push yourself, but when you have tried you have done it. It takes a while for you to build those muscles and then it becomes easier.

Given how you think everything is worse than it is, can we clarify if you've spent on a bit of posh food, or hundreds of pounds to indulge yourself? And go check your spreadsheets and have a mid month check, that you know where your income has to go, ie monthly budget v debt savings

AlexLK

Mara_uk7 wrote: »

"a telling off " ? She is not your parent, she is your equal, She may well be very disappointed that you are not taking the debt paying seriously, She should not have to tell you off, You are an adult too, Not some spoiled child who has to have something new since the doc didnt say the words you wanted to hear .

Its time to man up Alex, Its your debt too, and yes, in the future, when the enevitable happens to your parents, you will undoubtedly be a very well off man and you will not have to scrimp and save.

But in the meantime, you have to learn to stand on your own two feet and abide by the consequences of your actions. And stop relying on your poor parents to act as unpaid child minders, make some other arrangements for your son.

Im sorry if this sounds harsh, but youre getting good advice from folks around here, and thinking its amusing to go to town and blow the cash you just made. Its frustrating to see a decent guy getting it wrong.

Rant over

I don't think what I have done is "amusing", I do want to sort this out just as much as my wife does and we struggle to survive as it is, considering my parents offer to take care of our son, I don't really see the issue there. At the moment we cannot really afford to have him go to a childminders.

debtfreewannabe321 wrote: »

Mara could you perhaps have that same conversation with my DH...after you've finished with Alex I'm sorry to have to say I've told my dh off many times for being irresponsible with money xx

I'm not the only one then?

bess1234 wrote: »

You have approached this as a sprint whereas its really its a long distance walk. But your progress has been spectacular, and all you've done is try.

can you keep this up for another two weeks ? then you can review it and see what you can manage long term. However saying its all too hard after two weeks isn't brilliant, tho probably normal. So just a dip. If you give yourself a kick up the bum. Course it's hard, your not used to having to push yourself, but when you have tried you have done it. It takes a while for you to build those muscles and then it becomes easier.

Given how you think everything is worse than it is, can we clarify if you've spent on a bit of posh food, or hundreds of pounds to indulge yourself? And go check your spreadsheets and have a mid month check, that you know where your income has to go, ie monthly budget v debt savings

I do want to do this. I think I need to get the cash I have from selling some of my things put away somewhere where I can't see it.

Spent £165 on a shirt and a new wallet. OK it's not a fortune but Mrs. K. is not going to be pleased especially as our clothing budget for this month was £0.

ETA: All our bills for the month are paid what we have now is ours to spend / save towards paying the debts.

LannieDuck

I agree with Mara. Mrs K isn't your conscience. She shouldn't have to be 'the bad guy' all the time. Just because she tells you off, doesn't mean it was ok to spend the money. You're a grown man and responsible for your own spending.

But... don't be too hard on yourself. You've done great in the short-term, and now you need to work out how to keep it up in the long term. That's why the SOA is so useful - you can budget yourself a set amount of money each week for 'treats' and still know that you'll be paying (e.g.) £200 of your debts each month.

If you prefer to put all of your 'treat' money towards wine, so be it, or if you want to save some of it for a meal out, that's up to you and Mrs K. Some people will choose to throw it all at the debt and pay it off quicker, but I'm getting the impression that won't be sustainable for you

Once you have a better idea what your on-going income will be (when Mrs K returns to work full time), you can subtract your outgoings and your debt repayment, and see what you're left with.

I also agree you need to get childcare sorted.

LannieDuck

AlexLK wrote: »

Spent £165 on a shirt and a new wallet.

Did you need a new shirt?

AlexLK wrote: »

ETA: All our bills for the month are paid what we have now is ours to spend / save towards paying the debts.

Almost, but not quite. You need to allocate a portion of that to debt repayment, and then what you have left is yours to do with as you please.

How much are you planning to put aside each month for debts? Could you manage £500?

AlexLK

LannieDuck wrote: »

I agree with Mara. Mrs K isn't your conscience. She shouldn't have to be 'the bad guy' all the time. Just because she tells you off, doesn't mean it was ok to spend the money. You're a grown man and responsible for your own spending.

But... don't be too hard on yourself. You've done great in the short-term, and now you need to work out how to keep it up in the long term. That's why the SOA is so useful - you can budget yourself a set amount of money each week for 'treats' and still know that you'll be paying (e.g.) £200 of your debts each month.

If you prefer to put all of your 'treat' money towards wine, so be it, or if you want to save some of it for a meal out, that's up to you and Mrs K. Some people will choose to throw it all at the debt and pay it off quicker, but I'm getting the impression that won't be sustainable for you

Once you have a better idea what your on-going income will be (when Mrs K returns to work full time), you can subtract your outgoings and your debt repayment, and see what you're left with.

I also agree you need to get childcare sorted.

Mrs. K. is not my conscience and yes, I am responsible for my own spending. However, she will be rather unimpressed. To be fair, I did need a new wallet.

Putting everything into paying off the debts was exactly what I wanted to do, it just seems I can't. Last week before the sleepless nights and having to visit the in laws I was doing well, feeling better than I have in years but now I feel as if I am failing everyday. Currently dreading her returning home.

AlexLK

LannieDuck wrote: »

Did you need a new shirt?

I'd be lying if I said "yes".

LannieDuck wrote: »

Almost, but not quite. You need to allocate a portion of that to debt repayment, and then what you have left is yours to do with as you please.

How much are you planning to put aside each month for debts? Could you manage £500?

Quite easily if we managed to stick to the budget. However, we weren't planning to put anything away from our income instead paying off the debts with additional income and from what I raise by selling my possessions. You could perhaps say I feel rather bitter as I have started to sell my things but Mrs. K. has made no effort to sell some of hers.

ETA: All I have to pay on the CC debts for the next six months is £40 plus the £305 loan repayment.

heartbreak_star

You can get shirts for under a tenner.

You can get good quality wallets for under £20.

Remember what I said ages ago? Think about what things do rather than "having the best"...a shirt from Asda and a wallet from Primark will do the same job and you would have a lot more left over.

Ban yourself from shops for a while!

HBS x

LannieDuck

I think you need to be realistic. It's quite obvious to me that you'll struggle not having any free spending money on a monthly basis. I think you might find the whole process easier if you and Mrs K each had, e.g. £50 or £100 per month, that you could spend on what you like.

... but then you'd have to be ruthless with not allowing yourself to go over the monthly limit.

AlexLK

HBS: I do indeed need to ban myself from shops. I only went into the city centre for a spot of lunch after the disaster that was my appointment this morning. Still cannot get over the doctor's attitude towards me and I'm not sure in which way to turn next. Mrs. K. is most likely going to hit the roof without so much as listening to what I've got to say once she gets home which is in about five minutes time. A part of me is just telling me to pretend I haven't bought anything, conveniently I paid cash so can cover my tracks easily enough. However, I promised to stop lying and I'm not sure my conscience can take the lies anymore.