Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

chevalier wrote: »

Just want to put my oar in about the parents house. I really understand about you wanting to be able to care for your parents when they get infirm. I have absolutely wonderful in laws. We stayed with them when we sold our house and I had our second baby. I couldn't have made it through without them, as I had quite severe post natal depression, and a baby that wasn't sleeping.

HOWEVER like I said my in laws are fantastic, we get on really well and I love them to pieces. Can you say that the relationship between your wife and your parents is the same. From other posts there seems to be a fair amount of carping going on in that relationship, and I would guess that they are 'polite' to each other rather than being friends.

So now can you see why your wife would be so dead set against moving in with your parents? She is not just being horrible I would imagine she can't think of anything worse, when the reason for doing it isn't an emergency situation and only temporary at that. There are other ways of caring that don't involve moving in. Funnily enough lots of children care for parents but don't 'move back home' to do it.

There is adapting their house to make it easier for them. There is making sure that they can access professional social care. There is making time for them (like you already do, by the way I would be pretty pis*ed if I had to spend EVERY nearly Sunday at my inlaws), so that you can help with any issues. You can do alot this way WITHOUT moving in.

Your parents seems pretty hale at the moment. The last thing you want to do is say in 10 years time (when little k will be a stroppy teenager - trust me on this), move into a situation that doesn't make anyone else happy.

You are not giving your own house a chance by putting off stuff to do because you aren't going to be living in it long. That means it isn't a welcoming haven for you NOW. So doing the work and sorting out the fabric of the house is something you should do for YOU ALL for now, so you can enjoy a peaceful place after a weary day.

Whilst I haven't agreed with all of your OH's actions I am with her on this one.
chev

Hi Chev,

Thank you for an insightful opinion. At the moment my parents are more than capable of looking after themselves. However, I am aware things may not be always like this and will respect their wishes. I do understand why my wife wishes to stay here both from the not wanting to live with my parents issue and because she sees this house as her home.

Unfortunately, my house is nothing like my parents' and I see it as somewhere to stay rather than a home. My parents think their house would be a better place to bring our son up with good reason as it's much, much bigger and is set in lovely grounds. I would not be embarrassed to let our son bring friends there at all, whereas I do wonder what their parents think after coming here when we have let him have friends over. I must admit a lot of the reasons for wanting to live there at the moment revolve around having no mortgage or rent to pay whilst living in a house of at least four times the value of my own. Selfish really but I think we could be happier as a family at my parents' house.

gallygirl wrote: »

Here here Chev :T.

Was thinking about you going home last night Alex as they were interviewing the author of this book:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Reasons-Stay-Alive-Matt-Haig/dp/1782115080
You had a good February - invest a few pounds in yourself.

GG x

Thanks, gallygirl. That book does look interesting and I will keep a look out for it at the library as I go there a lot with my son. They have lots of books like this, so I doubt it'll be too long until it's available. These days I try not to buy things like books which will likely only be read once.

Granariesgirl wrote: »

Hello,
Haven't been on here (MSE) since the end of November - doing my best ostrich impression about what I need to do financially, I suspect...:o

And lookee here, what have I found? A debt-free Alex? Can this be true - shurely shum mishtake!! :eek: :cool:

Many, many congratulations Alex - you have done amazingly well. :T :j :beer:
Now I'm going to have to catch up on the loads of interesting stuff that went on while I was "away"!

Take care all.
x

:rotfl: Thank you, Granaries. :beer::beer:

I hope you are back to do what you need to financially once and for all.

AlexLK

Tuesday 3rd March, 2015.

Dear Diary,

I'm pleased to report I have caught up with all my record keeping and have tried to remain positive throughout the day. Apparently, it's all about altering the thought process.

The finances are looking better than they ever have done whilst in my care. I may once have had more money but that was in a continual downward spiral until I have very little to show for it. Oddly enough it actually seems that it's now I'm debt free that I'm putting together all the techniques learnt in order to maintain a debt free lifestyle and save.

In other news, my son has his violin and piano prep tests in a few weeks and we are still completely stuck over school decisions though I am drifting towards having him spend two years in the village school as I think that will allow him to spend the most time on the things he is interested in. I have realised he is not me and whilst I thrived at prep school because I had little else to look forward to, he has lots to do at home and for the moment he is much more interested in that than being at school (well, nursery). Another thanks to MSE as had I not written about this, I would not have considered this as another option.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

gallygirl

AlexLK wrote: »

Tuesday 3rd March, 2015.

Dear Diary,

I'm pleased to report I have caught up with all my record keeping and have tried to remain positive throughout the day. Apparently, it's all about altering the thought process.

The finances are looking better than they ever have done whilst in my care. I may once have had more money but that was in a continual downward spiral until I have very little to show for it. Oddly enough it actually seems that it's now I'm debt free that I'm putting together all the techniques learnt in order to maintain a debt free lifestyle and save.

In other news, my son has his violin and piano prep tests in a few weeks and we are still completely stuck over school decisions though I am drifting towards having him spend two years in the village school as I think that will allow him to spend the most time on the things he is interested in. I have realised he is not me and whilst I thrived at prep school because I had little else to look forward to, he has lots to do at home and for the moment he is much more interested in that than being at school (well, nursery). Another thanks to MSE as had I not written about this, I would not have considered this as another option.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

By Jove, I think he's got it :T

AlexLK

Thanks, gallygirl.

If only changing the thought process was as easy done as said. The school thing is still winding me up somewhat as I do wonder if my son will come to resent me if he goes to the village school when he's older.

gallygirl

AlexLK wrote: »

If only changing the thought process was as easy done as said. The school thing is still winding me up somewhat as I do wonder if my son will come to resent me if he goes to the village school when he's older.

Then again, he could resent you in the years to come if you send him to prep school............

Or alien zombies could land on the school.

Or an eagle could pick him up out of the playground.

Or........ etc. etc.

AlexLK

:rotfl: I am over thinking this school thing but hadn't considered the aliens or eagle, just another thing to consider now.

Seriously, my wife wants him to go to the village school and I can see it's charm although my parents don't see why he should go there when we've other options. One day I think I'm ready to commit, the next I'm not so sure. I have taken him to both schools and he seemed to like the one in the village more but it is much smaller and likely less daunting to a four year old who is not exactly enthusiastic about the concept.

heartbreak_star

Work with what he likes as you said, he is not you and neither of you are your parents

That's as much sense as you're getting out of me today I think...*shambles off in search of caffeine*

HBS x

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

:rotfl: I am over thinking this school thing but hadn't considered the aliens or eagle, just another thing to consider now.

Seriously, my wife wants him to go to the village school and I can see it's charm although my parents don't see why he should go there when we've other options. One day I think I'm ready to commit, the next I'm not so sure. I have taken him to both schools and he seemed to like the one in the village more but it is much smaller and likely less daunting to a four year old who is not exactly enthusiastic about the concept.

That translates to me as they can't understand why you haven't chosen the paying option that they prefer. Your choice is a corollary of just because you have money you don't have to spend it (which oddly enough applies to your father's attitude to his car). I'm afraid theirs smacks of you have to go private to show you're important and rich and successful and.....


You're choosing the village option because LittleK likes it best (not such a huge step up from nursery), MrsK likes it and even you are getting to understand that point of view. Which is a corollary of not everything in life is valued in money terms.


Well at least I understand what I mean, I think!:rotfl:

gallygirl

^^ what they said ^^

If you are not Little K then your parents are even further removed. Go with what YOU and Mrs K think is best for him.

AlexLK

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Work with what he likes as you said, he is not you and neither of you are your parents

That's as much sense as you're getting out of me today I think...*shambles off in search of caffeine*

HBS x

Thank you, HBS.

The village school is nice in some ways as it's so small, it's also quiet and children get a lot of one to one time. Their OFSTED report highlighted that the school is very good at providing individual attention and standards are "above average" (whatever average means). Apparently they are very strong at teaching Maths, the less said about my knowledge of that subject, the better.

maman wrote: »

That translates to me as they can't understand why you haven't chosen the paying option that they prefer. Your choice is a corollary of just because you have money you don't have to spend it (which oddly enough applies to your father's attitude to his car). I'm afraid theirs smacks of you have to go private to show you're important and rich and successful and.....

You're choosing the village option because LittleK likes it best (not such a huge step up from nursery), MrsK likes it and even you are getting to understand that point of view. Which is a corollary of not everything in life is valued in money terms.

Well at least I understand what I mean, I think!:rotfl:

Unfortunately, I suppose you're right about my parents in some ways but I do know they also just want the best for him. They are very old fashioned though and don't believe that "the boy's" opinion matters at all.

I think my son sees any school a big step up for nursery, he really doesn't like the idea of being there from Monday - Friday at all. At the village school he would be able to come home for lunch which is totally out of the question if he attends my old school.

gallygirl wrote: »

^^ what they said ^^

If you are not Little K then your parents are even further removed. Go with what YOU and Mrs K think is best for him.

Thank you.

Wish I knew what was best, though.