Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

Last night I had a sleepless night wondering if the issues in my marriage are entirely my fault .

Sorry you had a sleepless night but that's progress at least! Of course they're not all your fault. Although your wife earns a good salary, she is still something of a spendaholic, acquisitive beyond her means and she appears quite self centred. I don't know all the history of how you got into debt but I really can't believe it was all your personal spending. Surely some of those debts were run up for both of you.


Admirable that you've discovered that you can be happy without spending loads on Christmas. Little K sounds a delightful child, spreading happiness as he does. He's a credit to you, you must be so proud of him.:xmassmile

cazmanian_minx

Been debating for a day or so about whether to say this, but hey ho, it's Christmas...

Obviously none of us here know your wife, Alex, but in my experience (having done both of them myself and seen friends do it as well) two of the reasons women start behaving in a mid-life-crisis fashion within a marriage (thinking specifically of the open relationship request here) are either that they want to behave badly enough to force you to leave them so they get to be the dumped rather than the dumper and can spend weeks going 'Oh poor me' or they're doing it as a test of your feelings, e.g. 'If he loved me he would flip his lid over this suggestion, if he doesn't, it means he doesn't care.'

I just have a slightly sneaking feeling that Mrs K might be doing the latter. You've made such big changes over the past year or so, it must be quite unsettling for her and she may be worried that you're thinking of leaving. Feel free to ignore this suggestion, but after Little K has been put to bed tonight, happily dreaming of Father Christmas, light a candle, pour her a glass of wine, tell her you love her and that the thought of her with someone else ripped your guts out. You might just have a very happy Christmas as a result.

Merry Christmas to you and you family, Alex

patanne

I'm with Caz on this. Nothing to lose & everything to gain.

Merry Christmas.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

Sorry you had a sleepless night but that's progress at least! Of course they're not all your fault. Although your wife earns a good salary, she is still something of a spendaholic, acquisitive beyond her means and she appears quite self centred. I don't know all the history of how you got into debt but I really can't believe it was all your personal spending. Surely some of those debts were run up for both of you.

Admirable that you've discovered that you can be happy without spending loads on Christmas. Little K sounds a delightful child, spreading happiness as he does. He's a credit to you, you must be so proud of him.:xmassmile

Thank you, maman. I am indeed very proud of my son, he's generally well behaved and always smiling.

I suppose you are right about it not being all my personal spending. Not a lot I can do about that now, apart from paying it all back.

cazmanian_minx wrote: »

Been debating for a day or so about whether to say this, but hey ho, it's Christmas...

Obviously none of us here know your wife, Alex, but in my experience (having done both of them myself and seen friends do it as well) two of the reasons women start behaving in a mid-life-crisis fashion within a marriage (thinking specifically of the open relationship request here) are either that they want to behave badly enough to force you to leave them so they get to be the dumped rather than the dumper and can spend weeks going 'Oh poor me' or they're doing it as a test of your feelings, e.g. 'If he loved me he would flip his lid over this suggestion, if he doesn't, it means he doesn't care.'

I just have a slightly sneaking feeling that Mrs K might be doing the latter. You've made such big changes over the past year or so, it must be quite unsettling for her and she may be worried that you're thinking of leaving. Feel free to ignore this suggestion, but after Little K has been put to bed tonight, happily dreaming of Father Christmas, light a candle, pour her a glass of wine, tell her you love her and that the thought of her with someone else ripped your guts out. You might just have a very happy Christmas as a result.

Merry Christmas to you and you family, Alex

patanne wrote: »

I'm with Caz on this. Nothing to lose & everything to gain.

Merry Christmas.

Thank you for the advice. No opportunity for romance tonight, my wife is out with friends from work and has been since lunchtime.

Have a happy Christmas.

patanne

So I guess you were the one to put him to bed on Christmas Eve. Well we all know how challenging (and a total privilege) that can be! By the time you read this Christmas day will be either over or almost over anyway - I hope you and mini K had a good day and that your parents did too. So I guess the next thing is HAPPY NEW YEAR. I really must learn how to do all those smiley things!

AlexLK

Well, Christmas day is all over with for another year or until tomorrow in our household, then my birthday on the 28th. Although, I don't really want to be reminded of that as I'm fast approaching middle age even though my mother still sees it as something to be celebrated.

I hope everyone has had a good one, mine has been very enjoyable. Plenty of thoughtful gifts, not too much food and drink consumed and a very happy little boy. Tomorrow it'll be more of the same with the out-laws. :eek:

Patanne: Mrs. K. putting our son to bed last night would have been a challenge too far. A privilege it most certainly was but far from an easy task. :rotfl: My wife completely surprised me by coming home sober at a reasonable time. I wasn't expecting this and had no decent bottles of wine in the house so a hot chocolate it was and I'll decline to comment on the rest of the night as I am, supposedly, a gentleman. Seriously, I'm looking forward to the next week or so that we can spend together as a family with no work getting in the way.

mum2one

Alex - thats brilliant on all aspects, it could be that Mrs K was testing the water with ur feelings as maybe its such a shock that youve turned over a new leaf and maybe she was worried she did not fit it....

heres to new family times ahead xxxx

AlexLK

Thank you, mum2one.

My wife greatly struggles with the family aspect within our marriage. She's said on numerous occasions that she loves being an auntie, as she can enjoy treating them before handing them back. Parenting is often too much for her and more often than not she takes that out on me rather than being cruel to our son. I am now aware she often thinks about about starting a new life somewhere else, away from responsibility. The money situation has not been mentioned though I would like to ask why she has become more of a spender since I've been trying to become financially solvent. However, I doubt I'll say anything to her.

This coming week I am going to try to make as fun as possible for both Mrs. K. and our son.

patanne

Perhaps you should resign yourself to being THE parent. A role which normally falls to the woman in a relationship, but one which we all know you are well capable of. This would relieve your wife of responsibilities which she believes she is not suited for.

It is possible that when she realises that you understand her limitations (please don't put it like that) then a lot of your problems may disappear. She can take over the normal male role of breadwinner and you become the parent with care. Please note that there are much better ways of phrasing this - I hope another regular will be along to do it for me.

chevalier

I still wonder if she has undiagonosed post natal depression....The wanting to run away from responsibilities, was one of my signs I was ill....