Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

fc123: Thank you so very much for your post, we've had problems with the internet before, I hope you get it swiftly sorted out to your satisfaction.

In all honesty, I am aware that I do not manage my work particularly well, if a customer calls I bend over backwards to accommodate them, often calling on the parents at last minute to take care of our son. I do need to set aside some proper 'working hours'. However, in the business I do just about everything else other than the actual making, a lot of which can be done at any time.

As for my in-laws, ONE of their issues with me is my so-called "lack of a job". They are convinced I still live on the "bank of Mum and Dad" and that the business is merely "a front". There is a lot more to it and the job thing is not the be all and end all to the problems between her family and I. So far as they are concerned my wife should have left me almost five years ago when I proved myself to be "mentally unstable" (in their words); my mother-in-law has often sneered that I couldn't even make a decent job of "topping myself", let alone be a good husband and father. Yes, it has led me to be rather bitter about the whole situation, I'm afraid.

No that type of job you describe was most certainly not suited to me. Fortunately, my wife is beginning to understand this and she is no longer trying to push me back into a "career" now I am "better" (in her words).

I am waiting to hear back from an accountant friend with regards as to what I need to do tax wise for the music lessons. Next week, my business partner and I are discussing moving forwards with the business which will include a raise to the salaries we take from the company. So, yes £2k per month is starting to look quite realistic. Once Mrs. K. goes back to work full time, we do have little to worry about so long as we continue to be careful with our money.

On the other note: Mrs. K. and I share both housework and cooking. However, we are going to have a cleaner in two days per week when she goes back to work full time, mainly because things are also looking up for me work wise too.

We've done a little bit of batch cooking, in fact we've got a frozen curry to eat tonight (not shop bought). Whilst we don't do online shopping, we have planned to go to the cash and carry once every three months to buy household essentials (our house has a fair amount of storage).

Those sayings are very helpful, especially the second one which rings very true for me. In the year I left work with no job to go to (self employed or otherwise), it got to the point I found getting out of bed difficult yet I was sleeping for over ten hours a day. Whilst, I know there were other things going on, I did found once I'd started the business up I suddenly had time to do more.

7roland8

Alex - good luck with the lesson tonight.

Re your mum in law - I'm surprised you even bother to go on visits any more and don't just leave your wife and son go - even if they said it behind you back they should not have been saying it to your face - just shows them in their true colours really - and its not pretty.

With your son being a bit of a handful for your parents - have yo tied taking him to the park/for a long walk/bike ride before taking him to them - that way he'd be tired and would maybe settle down with something quiet like video, books or a jigsaw.

Mara_uk7

Alex, Pay no heed to the in-laws, Youre a good guy, doing the best you can for your family, Youre a music TEACHER .. thats pretty damn good in my eyes, talented and able to pass on your skills. You love your wife and son obviously.

If they are so narrow minded that they cant see that, well thats their loss. Im glad their daughter is standing by you and up for you. Maybe coming from her lips they can realise that they are WRONG.

You can pick your friends ...... etc.

Youre doing grand, How are the pens selling ?

fc123

AlexLK wrote: »

fc123: Thank you so very much for your post, we've had problems with the internet before, I hope you get it swiftly sorted out to your satisfaction.

In all honesty, I am aware that I do not manage my work particularly well, if a customer calls I bend over backwards to accommodate them, often calling on the parents at last minute to take care of our son. I do need to set aside some proper 'working hours'. However, in the business I do just about everything else other than the actual making, a lot of which can be done at any time.

As for my in-laws, ONE of their issues with me is my so-called "lack of a job". They are convinced I still live on the "bank of Mum and Dad" and that the business is merely "a front". There is a lot more to it and the job thing is not the be all and end all to the problems between her family and I. So far as they are concerned my wife should have left me almost five years ago when I proved myself to be "mentally unstable" (in their words); my mother-in-law has often sneered that I couldn't even make a decent job of "topping myself", let alone be a good husband and father. Yes, it has led me to be rather bitter about the whole situation, I'm afraid.

No that type of job you describe was most certainly not suited to me. Fortunately, my wife is beginning to understand this and she is no longer trying to push me back into a "career" now I am "better" (in her words).

I am waiting to hear back from an accountant friend with regards as to what I need to do tax wise for the music lessons. Next week, my business partner and I are discussing moving forwards with the business which will include a raise to the salaries we take from the company. So, yes £2k per month is starting to look quite realistic. Once Mrs. K. goes back to work full time, we do have little to worry about so long as we continue to be careful with our money.

On the other note: Mrs. K. and I share both housework and cooking. However, we are going to have a cleaner in two days per week when she goes back to work full time, mainly because things are also looking up for me work wise too.

We've done a little bit of batch cooking, in fact we've got a frozen curry to eat tonight (not shop bought). Whilst we don't do online shopping, we have planned to go to the cash and carry once every three months to buy household essentials (our house has a fair amount of storage).

Those sayings are very helpful, especially the second one which rings very true for me. In the year I left work with no job to go to (self employed or otherwise), it got to the point I found getting out of bed difficult yet I was sleeping for over ten hours a day. Whilst, I know there were other things going on, I did found once I'd started the business up I suddenly had time to do more.

yay :j see how many ticks there are ?!
I don't know how to advise on the In Laws but would it be possible to allocate a time for a calm 'clear the air' session?

I find it somewhat sad that you will go to a family meal out and sit and say nothing but then have to take the 'digs'. You come over as quiet/sensitive (as opposed to loud/brash) and it's almost like they do it because they can get away with it as you don't retaliate. It's not nice behaviour on any level.

It's very difficult for your wife too as she is in the middle but she may have to offload to a girlfriend rather than her brother when she feels she wants to talk to someone about her concerns.

This is even more difficult but could you back off seeing them for a while? If they can't be polite, why should you spend time in their company? I can't advise further as it's out of my own experience but the 'topping yourself' comment is thoughtless and quite ignorant written in blk + wht.


You do have a career (2 actually )...it's just not laid out on a spec....you are making it yourself. Give it a couple of years and they will see.


Now a mini telling off.....the cleaner

How about 3 hours per week and see how it goes? You don't want to shell out 2 music lessons to pay 6 hours of cleaning. 1 music lesson to pay for cleaning is better.

If you can't manage, add the hours but 3 hours should do the kitchen, bathroom, hoover everywhere and dust. The ironing will have to be done at night whilst watching Towie. Don't iron anything apart from shirts.

Good on the batch cooking and cash n carry shopping. Time is money too

7roland8 wrote: »

Alex - good luck with the lesson tonight.

Re your mum in law - I'm surprised you even bother to go on visits any more and don't just leave your wife and son go - even if they said it behind you back they should not have been saying it to your face - just shows them in their true colours really - and its not pretty.

With your son being a bit of a handful for your parents - have yo tied taking him to the park/for a long walk/bike ride before taking him to them - that way he'd be tired and would maybe settle down with something quiet like video, books or a jigsaw.

That is such a good idea Roland .......then do a regular drop off each week but just for 2 or 3 hours instead as they do seem to love having him.

fc123

Mara_uk7 wrote: »

Youre doing grand, How are the pens selling ?

I was wondering that....and can you let go of the chairs yet...you know, the ones you can't sit on because they don't fit in the house?


Once your feelings of self worth increase, so will your 'need' to have 'things'.

We'll have you shopping in TK Maxx once a year for your clothes soon.:cool:

Granariesgirl

Hi Alex,

Ref. the Out-laws, look on the bright side:
1) without them you would not have your wonderful wife; :cool:
& 2) they could have been YOUR parents b*tching at you since birth, rather than the wonderful ones you have...

11 September 2001 didn't really have as much of an effect on me as the City of London bomb on 24 April 1993 (planted by the largely US financed IRA but at least they had some morals & warned) which I saw & felt. The whole Jet into Tower / Towering Inferno bit all seemed slightly surreal to me until I met 2 amazing women who were both affected in the most terrible way by this bombing but used it to work for the greater good of mankind, link to their respective stories below:
http://theforgivenessproject.com/stories/phyllis-rodriguez-aicha-el-wafi-usa/

These are truly inspirational women who have lost the greatest treasure a mother could have: their sons. Not only that, they are a great laugh & lovely people.

Thanks Alex for reminding me of them, now I got off my backside & found out how they are doing!

Have a good weekend everyone.

mum2one

boo2410 wrote: »

My son went to nursery at 3 when it was free!!! When the day came I was dreading it and envisaged him kicking and screaming and generally being upset. He just strolled in without a backward glance, not even a kiss :rotfl::rotfl:. He's been like it ever since, both at his first school and again when we moved here and he had to make friends all over again.

I do think nursery gives children a really good grounding and nothing really fazes him now (he's almost 10).

Send your son to nursery, I bet he will absolutely love it.

I waited till DD was 3 before she went to nursery, when it was funding, when she started their intake they wanted the kids on the afternoon session, (12.30 - which at the time meant would needed to have her dinner at 11am) so I opted for the morning, 9.10/11.40 - she took it in her stride, there was me with the tears, on tender hooks, I took her fav doll to meet her to which I got told shes too grown up!!

Due to "breakdown of relationship" with the school she had to change schools in yr 5, no problems at all - their relisiant little things!!
x

AmyandArthur

Rather too much for me to catch up on here, aside from the last few pages. Looks like you've come on leaps and bounds since the early posts. Fab-yoo-larse!

One point though - a cleaner two days a week - flipping nora, how big is your gaff? We have a four bed detached, and I have a two cleaners in once a fortnight for 2 hours (i.e. 4 hours total). They more than keep on top of it, with a bit of frantic tidying up from us the night before they arrive You sure you need twice a week?

AlexLK

Roland: The lessons went brilliantly, I am pleased to report both kids have been practising all week and had come on leaps and bounds.

As for visiting my in-laws, I don't. They come to my house sometimes to see my wife and other times to "have a word" with me.

We do try to take him tired but increasingly it has all been rather last minute.

Mara: Thank you very much for your encouraging post, I am really very much enjoying being involved in music again. One of the parents today asked me to play, which was a little unnerving to say I hadn't played my violin in front of anybody for over 6 years but it was an absolute pleasure.

My in-laws see me as a complete and utter failure. They despite most things creative and that includes music, well apart from the drivel they listen to on the radio.

As for the pens, I was going to update about that in my diary entry this evening, first two have gone and I've raised just over £1,000 so far.

fc123: Things are getting there slowly. I did tell Mrs. K. off a little this evening as she had gone out to the supermarket whilst I was teaching and spent over £50. Mind, she has got me a lovely breakfast of smoked salmon for tomorrow, so perhaps I should not complain? We are all entitled to a little treat every now and then, no?

It would be almost impossible for the in-laws and I to ever see eye to eye and that is not through a lack of trying on my part. However, they do not want me with their daughter. I've become much better recently at staying silent and nodding in the right places around them. Mrs. K.'s brother has already told me if they ever do get my wife to "see sense" (leave), they (he and the parents) will ensure I never get to see my son again. Fortunately, Mrs. K. and I are a strong team at the moment and we are doing our absolute best to ensure it stays like this.

As for the cleaner, it takes Mrs. K. and I about 6 hours to do what you says takes three and no, we don't have a massive house (it's a three bedroom detached, with fairly generous rooms).

Oh yes my parents do enjoy having our son but just struggle as they are getting to that kind of age were they are beginning to slow down.

The chairs have been photographed as have a few other things. This will sound like an excuse ... but I've been so busy with work that I've not had time to advertise these things. However, that is my task for tomorrow.

Granariesgirl: That is possibly the first time I have smiled about the "out-laws" for a very long time.

I will read your link this evening. In April 1993, I was 12 so don't really remember the whole goings on with the IRA. I do agree that 9/11 was indeed very surreal.

mum2one: Thank you for another encouraging story. Mrs. K. thinks our son will love nursery and she's quite excited for him to go, I do hope he will get on alright.

AmyandArthur: I think we may be underestimating what a professional cleaner can do in what time .

AlexLK

Friday 13th September, 2013.
Day 12.

Dear Diary,

All in all today has been a much needed quiet one spent largely with my family. I am very pleased to report that once again my wife enjoyed her day off work with us, though she has been rather naughty herself spending over £50 on groceries. However, I'll really savour the treats she has bought for me to enjoy - she is apparently "proud" of the efforts I have made. I am also pleased to report no alcohol has been consumed this evening thus not breaking the promise I made yesterday.

So far my pen sale has raised just over £1000 and I've plenty more things to sell, tomorrow is going to be spent writing advertisements and putting some of my most beloved items up for sale. Whilst it nice to see these things have appreciated in value and in the time I have had them I've made money, I am by no means finding it easy to get rid of items I have treasured for a long time. Further good news on the debt-busting front involves me writing a letter to my awkward creditor.

First thing we again went swimming, our son loves splashing about in the water so I can't thank whoever it was who suggested that one to us. Tomorrow is his first trip to the library, no idea if he'll enjoy that anywhere near as much but he likes being read to before bedtime very much. There are times I can hardly believe he's ours and that he is growing to be such a kind and playful child even if he does seem to have a mischievous side.

As I mentioned in a previous reply, I am extremely pleased to report both pupils had practised and have a strong sound on open strings. That brought back memories of my own childhood, I used to spend hours upon hours practising music and attending various orchestras.

I could go on but I'm informed we've got a second episode of Educating Yorkshire to watch on 4OD apparently, it's the leavers prom and Mrs. K. is straining at the leash to see a bunch of Northern teens getting dressed up to party. Did I say before she enjoyed all the trashy aspects of television? Well, no body is perfect, not even my darling wife.

Summary:
+£50.00 Music Lessons.
+£1027.55 Pens.
-£53.94 Groceries.
-£60.02 Mrs. K. Petrol.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.