Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

7roland8

Alex - sorry to hear of the hassle with the in-laws.

Surely they should keep out of things and leave anything else to be sorted between the two of you.

Anyhow nothing wrong with having a drink - its already been bought so you weren't spending - and even if you did it was extenuating circumstances surely.

Glad you wife didn't 'run away' this time.

Glad the teaching is going well.

AlexLK

Mrs. K.'s family have been getting themselves involved in my marriage ever since I had my "breakdown" as they condescendingly call it with a little smirk on their features. In fact during the time I was in hospital Mrs. K.'s father threatened to "knock out" mine. Yes, as you can tell things are strained.

Thank you for the support. At least this time they did not cause an argument between my wife and I, in fact in the end it was her who asked them to leave. Still, I do wonder if there is any truth in what they said she had told them (basically being that she'd leave if she didn't think it would result in me doing "something stupid").

The music teaching is actually going far better than I thought it would - I'm really quite enjoying it.

Readytobefree

I have been having a catch up on this. Sounds like you have had quite a journey so far. I am inspired by you and your wife. It looks as though this is an emotional journey for you both too. I really hope that you both find a harmonious resolution to your niggles.

With regards to your sons education he will be equally happy in a state school as he would in a private school. Ultimately if he has a stable, solid, loving and stimulating home environment this will be replicated in school. My daughter went to her local infants/primary school which was in 'special measures' at the time as well as having pupils from many culturally diverse backgrounds. She absolutely thrived there, she loved it and was truly loved by the staff. She has turned 16 this week and is a well rounded, well adjusted, kind, caring, loving, intelligent and funny young lady with strong moral standards. She is also predicted A's and B's in her GCSE's. I couldn't be more proud. Working in education, I see the other side of Ofsted, (a hot topic as they are in my school today and tomorrow.... Eeeeek). They are there to ensure that a school is running efficiently and ticking boxes but they move the goal posts all the time and the new framework is making it more difficult to ever reach outstanding. I am fast realising that no school will ever be perfect, private or state school. Have a look at the village school and see how you feel. But you might need to register his name now to ensure he gets a place, village schools often get their places filled quickly.

Good luck anyway and keep going you are doing amazingly well both of you.

mum2one

Sorry about the upset with Mrs K family - theone thing that stood out was that she didnt go to her brothers and stayed with you, maybe they have pushed her too far. A lot of the time in arguements things are said to hurt the most, I know within my family that if i have an arguement with my dad one side of the sword does the damage, my mum another side of the sword, not that I mean it, but it gets said in the heat of the moment, them the same with me.

although as for in-laws never got that far - thou he who would have been the father in law we can not be in the same room together, yet the wife, given different circumstances she would have been a 2nd mum. I always think the saying "you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends" and never a truer saying.

Debt free - unfortunatly I have about 9 yrs to go, so to try to make it feel less i take it a year at the time, I have family debt onto of my DMP, if my darling ex remembered what CSA money was I could use that for DD and that money for debts but hey I might as well live on the moon.
xx

AlexLK

Readytobefree: Thank you. In a lot of ways my wife and I have only just started to talk to one and other beyond the basics since I made this thread. We had been going through a rough patch in our marriage prior to me admitting the debts. In fact, I feared when I did work up the courage to tell her of the debt I'd got myself into it would be the final straw for her.

Am I correct in presuming you are a school teacher yourself? We are looking into sending our son to the local school but my parents have long agreed they would pay for his education too, so it is all a little complicated. Glad to hear your daughter has done well for the state education system, I presume she is going to be going onto sixth form next September?

We are most certainly trying our best and putting our all into this. I haven't admitted this so far on here but I really do think this is most likely my last chance, if I mess up and don't make an effort to reduce the debt / stop spending lots of money we don't have on non-essential items (like pens) my marriage is over. Honestly, I don't think I could face my wife leaving with our son. After all, no court in this land would grant me custody. However, I am confident if we can work together things will not come to that.

AlexLK

mum2one: My wife is not particularly happy with her family after today's antics. However, she is fairly close to them, she has been known to go round there (her brother's) to moan about me.

Very true with regards to family and friends. I do not get along with Mrs. K.'s family at all. They used to "like" me but that was not to do with who I was, rather they saw their daughter "marrying up" at the time.

I see re. your debts, my that is a long time, I hope you can keep positive throughout. You seem a great mother to your daughter, so keep on going. You will get there with such a positive attitude.

Readytobefree

I work in a secondary school in Derbyshire in the pastoral team, I teach children how to behave and manage their emotions :rotfl:
I am hoping that the daughter chooses 6th form, it's the current plan anyway. Most likely specialising in Art and Textiles, fingers crossed. Not putting pressure on yet though, otherwise she might go the total opposite lol! It becomes a balancing act during teenage years of being encouraging but not being forceful. She will figure it out she has a good head on her shoulders.

Relationships are hard enough without financial and mental health worries. It must be a nice feeling to see Mrs K smiling again, I sincerely hope you have many more moments like that to build upon. I am sorry to hear about the in-laws though, I hope things work themselves out soon one way or another.

Readytobefree

One other thing, maybe register the wee one at the school anyway. Even if he goes private at least he is registered and if he doesn't go there the place will be offered to another. Nothing to lose.
I am hopeful for you and Mrs K, adversity sometimes brings out the best in us. Gives us something to work towards together, maybe that's what you needed, a common goal.

AlexLK

Oh my, you are in my part of the world!

I wish I could be so confident about children making their own decisions. I recall making many stupid decisions during my teenage years. Though I do see where you are coming from, one can be too forceful. Unfortunately, I don't usually know when to give up, I am just hoping I will learn to as our son becomes older. Honestly, I'm terrified for him. A lot of those thoughts have most likely arised from my own issues though.

It is . I really hope we continue to be happy together like we have been for over a week now. Honestly, I'm not sure what will happen in regards to my in-laws in the long run. Her parents are MUCH younger than mine and yet they hardly want a relationship with their grandson, despite doting on his cousins all because they don't like me and deem me unworthy of Mrs. K.'s devotion.

ETA: Thank you re. your advice about school, my wife and I will have a chat about it as we also have the nursery stuff to sort out. I did realise that our son does need some time with other children, he was very excited to see the other boy his age in town.

I too am becoming hopeful that my marriage can once again become a happy one. We are happy together at the moment and in all honesty things aren't exactly easy.

Readytobefree

We were abandoned by her dad when she was a toddler so we did it alone until 4.5 years ago. I was also only 19 when I had her, we almost grew up together. Maybe that's where my confidence has come from? I rely on trust, honesty, talking, love and basic morals to get us through. She has seen me work hard and get through challenges while still providing the basics for her. We also have very caring and supportive family and extended family.
The only time I feel the need to be 100% adamant that the decision is in my hands is if she is putting herself at risk, which is rare. But have always from a young age explained to her the reasons behind decisions, never said "just because", they are way too smart to accept that rubbish.

I should have been in Castleton next week on a residential but have to stay on school site now.... Boooooo!