Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

LannieDuck

I think the problem is that at this point, your debts seem to be a lifestyle choice.

You have the ability to deal with them in more than one way (upping your income by sorting out your business, or selling enough stuff to pay them off), but you choose not to. Furthermore, you choose to get further in debt when there's no need to do so.

(Incidentally, I genuinely can't recall the last time I spent >£250 in one go. It might have been our honeymoon in 2010.)

gien

I've not commented on your diary before Alex, although I have read through it and we've 'met' on another thread here.

I have to say that I do 'get' you, and I know a lot of other people who I would say have a very similar world view/opinions/out look on life.

The thing is, no matter how hard we try, it is really, really difficult to escape our upbringing, whether that be in a rich or poor, posh or pleb, upper or lower, whatever household. We're brought up to believe in and expect a whole load of different stuff and it takes a lot of time, thought and effort to turn away from those values and opinions. It's tough even when on top form but if you're struggling with mental health issues it can be almost insurmountable.

Things like this take time and I think Alex that you have learnt a lot about yourself and the world around you that you hadn't noticed before - good for you.
At least you're more aware of a different way of being and living through this thread and the board and we all probably need to learn a bit more about other people lives

AlexLK

barbarawright wrote: »

Do you actually know what the average salary in this country is? It's c£27,000. How is your wife's salary 'distinctly average' when she clearly earns nearly twice that?

I was not measuring against some 'national average', just against my own perceptions of what constituted an average salary.

her_welshness wrote: »

'Distinctly average', £2500 a month equates to 42K salary which is well above the national wage, most of my friends would not be earning that much, but as you know Mr K it depends in which circles you are operating within.

I don't think its just tone but language used here that may wind folk up, as well as your opinions on class, private v mainstream education, relationships etc.

Part of me thinks that this is a beautifully conceived diary written by a professional writer to create a tragi-comic fictional character (its been mooted before) who is so inoffensively offensive that it can only emit a huge amount of response and controversy. Part of me hopes that you are real because it would be awful for so much of people's contributions on here to have been wasted.

I think it inadvisable to offer any advice to you, I can only wish you and your wife the best of luck on your DFW journey.

Clearly, the circles I operate in are different to yours for I do consider my wife's salary to be "average" or the comment would not have been made.

On another note I'm rather flattered you find my command of the English language proficient enough to be considered of a professional quality and perhaps I ought to be writing a book rather than this reply. Frankly, I rather wish I were a figment of my own imagination at times.

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I meant her buying things, not you Alex

FWIW, my salary is <£20k, and I live reasonably well. I'm pretty happy. Mind you, I can't imagine spending over a £250 lump sum on anything except maybe a car

I do know I got a bit angry at some of your latest posts, but I hope you can understand why

ETA: You do give the impression of your relationship being propped up by money. In my eyes, I'd say more "controlled by" money, as you seem to be worried your marriage will dissolve without spending as a hobby.

HBS x

I do understand why you were a little "angry" in regard to some of my posts and I apologise for anything I said that could be considered obtuse. I have been somewhat defensive in the face of struggling to deal with things recently.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

I think one of the reasons many posters find you're comments exasperating is that you've tried frugal living and decided it's not for you. Many posters don't have the choice. And to use 'nothing over £250' as a spending yardstick just shows how far removed your thinking is from the reality of your current situation.

I think there's the crux of it all. One day you'll inherit so although getting yourself free of debt seems like a good idea you'll have plenty of money one day so you don't need to work really hard at it whether that be living frugally, living within your means or trying to earn more. I am sympathetic as I realise depression is probably preventing you from sorting yourself out which is why I don't like to be harsh. I'm sure you don't mean to be offensive but there's such a 'posh boy' attitude coming across that it rubs many posters up the wrong way.

P.S. I do hope that last comment about MrsK regretting it in years to come didn't mean that you intend to keep your inheritance all for yourself and just contribute a measly £2 500 a month to the family finances.;)

I have learnt a number of things from the "frugal experiment", one being it is possible to have fun as a family for a very little amount of money. I greatly enjoy the picnics, walking with my son and coming up with activities we can do together for not a lot of money therefore the experiment has most certainly not been a complete waste of time. However, I also find living frugally to be time consuming and awfully difficult when not feeling at my absolute best (unfortunately 2014 has not been good for my state of mind thus far).

As for "sorting myself out", I go through times where I what nothing more as I would like to someday regain some self respect which I am aware will not be achieved by managing my parents' affairs. Furthermore, I do not intend to rub people up the wrong way.

I'm not entirely sure what I meant by my last comment myself (not had a good day) but yes, it was something along those lines. I can't say I greatly relish being humiliated as I am currently by my wife in regard of her financial management.

LannieDuck wrote: »

I think the problem is that at this point, your debts seem to be a lifestyle choice.

You have the ability to deal with them in more than one way (upping your income by sorting out your business, or selling enough stuff to pay them off), but you choose not to. Furthermore, you choose to get further in debt when there's no need to do so.

(Incidentally, I genuinely can't recall the last time I spent >£250 in one go. It might have been our honeymoon in 2010.)

When you put it like that, my debts could be considered a "lifestyle choice" however much they are not intentionally so. At the moment I do not feel capable of dealing with much, tomorrow looks to be the same as I was up all last night watching the election results.

gien wrote: »

I've not commented on your diary before Alex, although I have read through it and we've 'met' on another thread here.

I have to say that I do 'get' you, and I know a lot of other people who I would say have a very similar world view/opinions/out look on life.

The thing is, no matter how hard we try, it is really, really difficult to escape our upbringing, whether that be in a rich or poor, posh or pleb, upper or lower, whatever household. We're brought up to believe in and expect a whole load of different stuff and it takes a lot of time, thought and effort to turn away from those values and opinions. It's tough even when on top form but if you're struggling with mental health issues it can be almost insurmountable.

Things like this take time and I think Alex that you have learnt a lot about yourself and the world around you that you hadn't noticed before - good for you.
At least you're more aware of a different way of being and living through this thread and the board and we all probably need to learn a bit more about other people lives

Thank you for your supportive post and I have indeed learnt a lot about myself and the world around me. It was this diary that prompted me to do some voluntary work that I hope has given a degree of benefit to some of the more disadvantaged people in the community.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

Furthermore, I do not intend to rub people up the wrong way.


I'm sure you don't Alex, it's just that your view of the world is so different from so many other posters.

I'm not entirely sure what I meant by my last comment myself (not had a good day) but yes, it was something along those lines. I can't say I greatly relish being humiliated as I am currently by my wife in regard of her financial management.


I'm heartened by this. While it's not a set up I could subscribe to I'm quietly pleased that you recognise just a little how selfishly MrsK is behaving.



as I was up all last night watching the election results.


Was this to see how MrF was faring?;)

Unlike many on these boards Alex, I'm not frugal because I have to be but because I choose to be mainly because I hate being ripped off. I was thinking tonight about your £250 spending yardstick and realised (apart from bills like insurance and the like) the only things I've spent £250+ on this year have been things like flights and hotel bills. I'm comfortable with that because that's what I've chosen to spend my hard-earned on.


I still have belief that, one day, you will decide to pay off your debts and live within your means and then start to feel better and try to earn more. I'm sure you'll be more comfortable with yourself when you do.:A

AlexLK

Perhaps I need to read a little more and write a little less as I do not read an awful lot of diaries on DFW and likely tend to stay around the more "middle class" ones, finding some very hard to relate to.

I don't think I really would have separate finances from my wife in the future but it is something I am increasingly agitated about to the point of wondering if the argument (and subsequent stomp to her brother's) is worth it.

I too do hope that someday I can get there with paying the debts / earning more by my own means.

ETA: I was astounded by Mr. F's victory and really quite pleased it's brought political debate to the forefront of everybody's minds. I'm no fan of the Lib Dems but had to feel a little sorry for Clegg when I saw him on the news today. However, I am glad Cameron is confident for next year even if I happen to think he's a little deluded. All I hope is that the UKIP vote does not let Millipede and his little red army in come next year.

heartbreak_star

Ha ha, I was thoroughly irritated by Farage's "victory". I put the quotes because the kippers still have no controlled councils in the UK, thank goodness.

Having met Miliband a little while ago, he is a lot more "human" in real life than he ever appears on-screen. I suspect he will be quietly efficient in the run-up to the election rather than bellowing one policy to hide all the others like Farage does.

Basically, IMO, Ukip are a waste of purple, and the Tories aren't much better. Ukip voted against stopping the ivory trade, for crying out loud! And the MEPs they had last year didn't even bother attending Euro parliament most of the time!

Conservative-wise, I am just old enough to remember my parents being worried about whether they could feed us during Thatcher's years. I suspect many people simply don't understand unless they are from around this area.

On the flip side, I am absolutely delighted that the Greens are getting more support. I reckon with a good marketing campaign to highlight the fact they actually have sustainable, deliverable policies this time around, they could do well in the General election.

Wonder if where Ukip have got the votes from disillusioned BNP members etc, the Greens have picked up the disillusioned Lib Dems? I feel like I'm still pulling Clegg's knives out of my back...

Hurrah for political rambling

HBS x

VJsmum

I understand and I am not from your area. I lived in the "affluent" south east at that time, but worried, along with my mother, how we were going to be fed, warmed and clothed. I was between 14 and 18 years old.

It is one reason why, even though I am probably better off than Alex, I don't spend like him . That fear of poverty never leaves you, once you have experienced it.

AlexLK

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Ha ha, I was thoroughly irritated by Farage's "victory". I put the quotes because the kippers still have no controlled councils in the UK, thank goodness.

Having met Miliband a little while ago, he is a lot more "human" in real life than he ever appears on-screen. I suspect he will be quietly efficient in the run-up to the election rather than bellowing one policy to hide all the others like Farage does.

Basically, IMO, Ukip are a waste of purple, and the Tories aren't much better. Ukip voted against stopping the ivory trade, for crying out loud! And the MEPs they had last year didn't even bother attending Euro parliament most of the time!

Conservative-wise, I am just old enough to remember my parents being worried about whether they could feed us during Thatcher's years. I suspect many people simply don't understand unless they are from around this area.

On the flip side, I am absolutely delighted that the Greens are getting more support. I reckon with a good marketing campaign to highlight the fact they actually have sustainable, deliverable policies this time around, they could do well in the General election.

Wonder if where Ukip have got the votes from disillusioned BNP members etc, the Greens have picked up the disillusioned Lib Dems? I feel like I'm still pulling Clegg's knives out of my back...

Hurrah for political rambling

HBS x

Whilst I cannot say I would like UKIP in power for reasons relating to a lack of sustainable policy more than anything, I am not convinced that they are as portrayed in the media. Interestingly for such a "racist" and "sexist" party, there were plenty of women being elected into European office from the party and a couple of ethnic minorities. However, I'm rather suspicious of the media most of the time anyway.

I have an inherent dislike of Labour after Tony Blair et al. bringing the country to it's knees. Labour bleeds the country dry before the Tories come into power and sort it out at the expense of being unpopular in working class circles.

As for Thatcher, she cut both corporation tax and income tax, saving the country. However, I am aware her policies during power were not always particularly popular and at the sacrifice of some.

The Greens seem a bit crazy so far as I'm concerned and I can't say I'm too interested it their policies but for the Lib Dems to come behind them in the European election, they must be doing something right for somebody.

VJsmum wrote: »

I understand, I am not from your area. I lived in the "affluent" south east at that time, but worried, along with my mother, how we were going to be fed, warmed and clothed. I was between 14 and 18 years old.

It is one reason why, even though I am probably better off than Alex, I don't spend like him . That fear of poverty never leaves you, once you have experienced it.

Unfortunately, I think that is not an uncommon tale during Thatcher's government though I was only very young at the time so don't really remember.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

Whilst I cannot say I would like UKIP in power for reasons relating to a lack of sustainable policy more than anything, I am not convinced that they are as portrayed in the media. Interestingly for such a "racist" and "sexist" party, there were plenty of women being elected into European office from the party and a couple of ethnic minorities. However, I'm rather suspicious of the media most of the time anyway.

I have an inherent dislike of Labour after Tony Blair et al. bringing the country to it's knees. Labour bleeds the country dry before the Tories come into power and sort it out at the expense of being unpopular in working class circles.

As for Thatcher, she cut both corporation tax and income tax, saving the country. However, I am aware her policies during power were not always particularly popular and at the sacrifice of some.

The Greens seem a bit crazy so far as I'm concerned and I can't say I'm too interested it their policies but for the Lib Dems to come behind them in the European election, they must be doing something right for somebody.



Unfortunately, I think that is not an uncommon tale during Thatcher's government though I was only very young at the time so don't really remember.

I do agree that the media has a profound effect on the politics of the country. I heard a phone in on the radio this morning where the theme was 'sick of Nick'. OK they attempted balanced views but the whole purpose seemed to be to fuel the calls to replace him. However we live in a very media orientated world, that's not going to change, so public perception is everything regardless of the reality of polices and politicians. You just have to see the way Milliband was ridiculed for eating a bacon sandwich somewhat inelegantly during the recent campaign to realise that.


I really can't agree that Labour was responsible for 'bringing the country to its knees'. I'm amazed that the Tories have got away with chanting that mantra daily for the past four years. Yes, Labour made some mistakes but who brought the European and American economies to their respective knees? To quote Gordon Gekko 'Greed is Good' that's why we're in the current mess. And what infuriates me most of all is that while Tories conserve their own standards of living they make everyone else pay. Austerity isn't affecting Dave and his mates but it is affecting people with no jobs or on minimum wage or those who have below inflation (if any) pay rises on an already 'fairly average' salary or he sick and disabled. The gap between the rich and poor is at it's widest for 50 years or more.


We're still suffering from Thatcher's policies. The crazy notion of 'right to buy' decimating the social housing stock has put us where we are today. I don't have a huge problem with people being allowed to buy their council homes but at market prices and the money raised being ploughed back into building more which Thatcher didn't allow. So instead the taxpayer puts Housing Benefits straight into the pockets of private landlords!


I could go on. I just hate inequality but that's enough tub thumping for one afternoon!:D