Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

Buffythedebtslayer

Morning,


I am sort of at a loss as to know why you are in debt in the first place Alex, you have paid off so much and could really pay it back if you sold what ever it is you have - in terms of the business? I find this diary very confusing to be honest!


I think part of the problem is that you live in a different world to me, I am struggling to understand your lifestyle. It is on different scale to mine. I mean for me - I bought lunch in M and S Saturday - that is a treat here. Whereas for you probably not! It is very interesting to read about your life but I can't really offer useful advice.


However, I have never let that stop me!! I have often not seen the point in a lot of things - looking after my health or money sometimes seems a drag as I am single, no kids, no dependants etc can't get a mortgage and has been hard for me to see a future. I have been diagnosed with depression and although I am doing way better than I was this time last year it is still easy for me to fall down into what's the pointville.


Surely the point for you is your son? a financially straight father who has a plan is a very admirable thing? I know it isn't that easy - I don't mean to sound trite. If it was that simple we would all be fine. But it is something to hang on to in the what's the point moments.


I recommend this book to everyone as I have found it very helpful,


http://www.amazon.co.uk/Depression-Cure-Six-Step-Programme-Without-ebook/dp/B003ULP3MQ/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1401091231&sr=8-3&keywords=Depression


As I said I don't really "get it" with you - I really don't mean it rudely, it is a different worlds thing. I am sorry if I offend.

Igamogam

AlexLK wrote: »

As for my wife and her spending, yes shopping is a hobby to her. She hated the few months that she was on board and decided in that time she had no desire to live any type of "frugal existence". To her, she feels she earns a very good income due to the fact it is more than her parents managed combined, justifying her own spending. To me, her job is of a distinctly average nature.

I lurk on this thread these days because I find myself shouting at the monitor.............. today I pebble dashed it with a digestive. Frugal existence!!? You have no bl00dy idea. Look here and here and here. Now these people are frugal.......you might not agree with all they say and do, and neither do I but they live a frugal existence.

Average wages? Average job? Its the only time I have felt any sympathy for Mrs K if that is what you think of her achievements. But that's OK because you can prop up your relationship with money.

Average wages where I live are about 19.5K is this what your wife earns?? My OH earns less than this and I earn well more than 2.5 times as much shall we say ( yes the bread winner BTW in a household where we don't distinguish who pays for what, just that it gets paid) and we are considered very well off. We certainly don't live like kings.

We will have been married 25 years this year and we will not be buying each other expensive presents. Actually we will not be buying each other anything because we don't need to.....................

You make me really angry sometimes........but then that's what you do: seek a reaction. Well done, you have had one from me today:mad:

cottage_retreatist

i have to agree with igamogam - I also rarely come on here now as your tone can rub me the wrong way more often than not - whether that is my sensitivities or not - but calling your wife's job/salary "distinctly average" is undermining - from what you have said she has worked hard to get far in a profession with few women at the top. For that she should be congratulated and I doubt her wage is average compared to anyone other than, say, an investment banker.

Good luck.
Cottage

AlexLK

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Must be lovely to have an average job and an average salary that means you can just go out and buy things all the time. Get me a job like that please!

Part of me wishes that Mrs K's credit rating ends up wrecked somehow too...then you might both see the light.

Good luck. I think you might need it.

(ETA: You do awesome things for your son but you and Mrs K are enabling each others' bad habits.)

HBS x

We do not "go out and buy things all the time", I have not bought anything over about £250 this whole year before last week. I'm hardly living the "high life".

maman wrote: »

It's hard to assess what you might consider an 'average nature job' in terms of salary. I'd always assumed MrsK was a high earner based on her aspirations for the new BMW and her choice in gloves;).

I've given some thought to your parents 'bailing you out' over LittleK' potential fees and if we're being pedantic you're right. So they're not strictly bailing you out yet but they would be if you made a commitment to fees you couldn't afford. However, as loving and caring grandparents they are probably offering to pay which isn't quite the same thing. Either way, although completely well meant, you're aspiring to a lifestyle choice (child at private school) which you can't afford to maintain.

Both the above demonstrate to me that you're living beyond your means which is why you've got yourself on here in the first place. When you said 'I am struggling to see the "point" in getting financially straight as I will still continue to be worse off than I ever have been before' I was perplexed. Are you saying that you're happier living off 'borrowed' money be that from your business account or your parents rather than face the reality of living to the standard that your current income allows?

Mrs. K. makes around £2500 after tax per month, so that hardly makes her a "high earner". I reckon I could easily match that if I put more time into my business, though that is beside the point.

In regard to our son's future schooling, if my wife and I put it over and above everything else and I made the business a greater priority we could afford it. Anyhow, the fact my parents would be paying is largely irrelevant when one considers I will be someday managing their estate.

Lastly, I was referring to me personally being worse off due to how my wife has now decided to run her own finances. I do not doubt she will regret that in years to come.

AlexLK

pebbles88 wrote: »

as above, & because you seem to be struggling making decisions on financially what you will & won't accept help with.
I know a lot of that is down to your depression, & how you feel about yourself. Which is a really really hard daily struggle I know.

I really hope that one day you are rich in the things that really matter in life & realise that money isn't one of those things. Money comes, money goes, the ones that love you, don't.

Pebbles: Thank you for your advice and articulate reply. Yes, I do have some personal issues which I should really try and "get over". As for your last statement, I do understand this.

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Morning,

I am sort of at a loss as to know why you are in debt in the first place Alex, you have paid off so much and could really pay it back if you sold what ever it is you have - in terms of the business? I find this diary very confusing to be honest!

I think part of the problem is that you live in a different world to me, I am struggling to understand your lifestyle. It is on different scale to mine. I mean for me - I bought lunch in M and S Saturday - that is a treat here. Whereas for you probably not! It is very interesting to read about your life but I can't really offer useful advice.

However, I have never let that stop me!! I have often not seen the point in a lot of things - looking after my health or money sometimes seems a drag as I am single, no kids, no dependants etc can't get a mortgage and has been hard for me to see a future. I have been diagnosed with depression and although I am doing way better than I was this time last year it is still easy for me to fall down into what's the pointville.

Surely the point for you is your son? a financially straight father who has a plan is a very admirable thing? I know it isn't that easy - I don't mean to sound trite. If it was that simple we would all be fine. But it is something to hang on to in the what's the point moments.

I recommend this book to everyone as I have found it very helpful,

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Depression-Cure-Six-Step-Programme-Without-ebook/dp/B003ULP3MQ/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1401091231&sr=8-3&keywords=Depression

As I said I don't really "get it" with you - I really don't mean it rudely, it is a different worlds thing. I am sorry if I offend.

Good Afternoon Buffy,

Thank you for your reply.

Firstly, yes I could pay the debts off very quickly by selling things I have. However, what is left are things that really do mean a lot to me. Yes that may well be "sentimental" but I am loathed to be bereft of items I have which have both history and memories attached to them.

Secondly, thank you for your input and advice regarding the other "issues". I am aware my life is quite meaningless but I must carry on for the sake of my family, which I do.

Lastly, you do not offend me at all and there are plenty of people I do not "get" too.

AlexLK

Igamogam wrote: »

I lurk on this thread these days because I find myself shouting at the monitor.............. today I pebble dashed it with a digestive. Frugal existence!!? You have no bl00dy idea. Look here and here and here. Now these people are frugal.......you might not agree with all they say and do, and neither do I but they live a frugal existence.

Average wages? Average job? Its the only time I have felt any sympathy for Mrs K if that is what you think of her achievements. But that's OK because you can prop up your relationship with money.

Average wages where I live are about 19.5K is this what your wife earns?? My OH earns less than this and I earn well more than 2.5 times as much shall we say ( yes the bread winner BTW in a household where we don't distinguish who pays for what, just that it gets paid) and we are considered very well off. We certainly don't live like kings.

We will have been married 25 years this year and we will not be buying each other expensive presents. Actually we will not be buying each other anything because we don't need to.....................

You make me really angry sometimes........but then that's what you do: seek a reaction. Well done, you have had one from me today:mad:

I have tried the "frugal living" idea for a good 6 or so months. Not saying I've always succeeded nor that I am an expert but I have tried it.

My relationship is most certainly not "propped up with money" thank you very much nor do I think salary is necessarily proportional to achievement.

cottage_retreatist wrote: »

i have to agree with igamogam - I also rarely come on here now as your tone can rub me the wrong way more often than not - whether that is my sensitivities or not - but calling your wife's job/salary "distinctly average" is undermining - from what you have said she has worked hard to get far in a profession with few women at the top. For that she should be congratulated and I doubt her wage is average compared to anyone other than, say, an investment banker.

Good luck.
Cottage

I am sorry my tone "rubs you the wrong way", that somewhat disappoints me as I do try to provide articulate but inoffensive replies (at least as of late). Nor do I see how I am being undermining about my wife's job as whilst in my mind it provides a distinctly average salary, I have not said that she has done badly.

barbarawright

AlexLK wrote: »

I have tried the "frugal living" idea for a good 6 or so months. Not saying I've always succeeded nor that I am an expert but I have tried it.

My relationship is most certainly not "propped up with money" thank you very much nor do I think salary is necessarily proportional to achievement.



I am sorry my tone "rubs you the wrong way", that somewhat disappoints me as I do try to provide articulate but inoffensive replies (at least as of late). Nor do I see how I am being undermining about my wife's job as whilst in my mind it provides a distinctly average salary, I have not said that she has done badly.

Do you actually know what the average salary in this country is? It's c£27,000. How is your wife's salary 'distinctly average' when she clearly earns nearly twice that?

her_welshness

'Distinctly average', £2500 a month equates to 42K salary which is well above the national wage, most of my friends would not be earning that much, but as you know Mr K it depends in which circles you are operating within.

I don't think its just tone but language used here that may wind folk up, as well as your opinions on class, private v mainstream education, relationships etc.

Part of me thinks that this is a beautifully conceived diary written by a professional writer to create a tragi-comic fictional character (its been mooted before) who is so inoffensively offensive that it can only emit a huge amount of response and controversy. Part of me hopes that you are real because it would be awful for so much of people's contributions on here to have been wasted.

I think it inadvisable to offer any advice to you, I can only wish you and your wife the best of luck on your DFW journey.

heartbreak_star

I meant her buying things, not you Alex

FWIW, my salary is <£20k, and I live reasonably well. I'm pretty happy. Mind you, I can't imagine spending over a £250 lump sum on anything except maybe a car

I do know I got a bit angry at some of your latest posts, but I hope you can understand why

ETA: You do give the impression of your relationship being propped up by money. In my eyes, I'd say more "controlled by" money, as you seem to be worried your marriage will dissolve without spending as a hobby.

HBS x

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

I have tried the "frugal living" idea for a good 6 or so months. Not saying I've always succeeded nor that I am an expert but I have tried it.

I think one of the reasons many posters find you're comments exasperating is that you've tried frugal living and decided it's not for you. Many posters don't have the choice. And to use 'nothing over £250' as a spending yardstick just shows how far removed your thinking is from the reality of your current situation.

AlexLK wrote: »

Mrs. K. makes around £2500 after tax per month, so that hardly makes her a "high earner". I reckon I could easily match that if I put more time into my business, though that is beside the point.

In regard to our son's future schooling, if my wife and I put it over and above everything else and I made the business a greater priority we could afford it. Anyhow, the fact my parents would be paying is largely irrelevant when one considers I will be someday managing their estate.

Lastly, I was referring to me personally being worse off due to how my wife has now decided to run her own finances. I do not doubt she will regret that in years to come.

I think there's the crux of it all. One day you'll inherit so although getting yourself free of debt seems like a good idea you'll have plenty of money one day so you don't need to work really hard at it whether that be living frugally, living within your means or trying to earn more. I am sympathetic as I realise depression is probably preventing you from sorting yourself out which is why I don't like to be harsh. I'm sure you don't mean to be offensive but there's such a 'posh boy' attitude coming across that it rubs many posters up the wrong way.


P.S. I do hope that last comment about MrsK regretting it in years to come didn't mean that you intend to keep your inheritance all for yourself and just contribute a measly £2 500 a month to the family finances.;)