Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek: !!!!!! Alex, that's ridiculous!!

IMO that's crazy but I suppose it's her money and her choice. You've always implied that you got into debt on your own and need to get out of it on your own. Personally, if you were my husband I'd want to help rather than fritter money away on conspicuous consumption which I find all rather 'Essex Girl'. I suppose all you can do, get yourself debt free by selling things and saving from your earnings in music teaching and your other business interests and then you each live, going forward, according to your means.

If I were you I'd defer Little K's private schooling for a few years and at least send him to a state infants school. Beyond that it would depend on the calibre of schools in your area. That would give you a bit more time to get on an even keel financially before you had to spend out on him. As someone said yesterday, it's more than just fees, even the uniforms and meals tend to be more expensive than the average state school.

I can't help much with how to enjoy weekends. We don't have children at home any more so are happy with cooking nice meals at home, good wine and good company. Tonight we've been to the theatre but only local community theatre for live music (very downmarket 60s stuff ) so quite cheap.

Who's cooking the beef tomorrow?

Mrs. K. is very much of the "work hard, play hard" variety. Unfortunately, as I do not work hard anymore I am not entitled to play hard either. We didn't used to have separate finances, so now she doesn't feel as responsible for her spending because it's her money and nobody else's, I have to admit it's difficult to stand by and watch, being the one who earns very little whilst she seemingly gets everything she wants.

I am quite happy to go without myself to give my son the education I had.

With regards to the weekends, I will likely find some work to do next weekend so my wife gets to spend some quality time with our son.

Not me, thank goodness.

pebbles88 wrote: »

Oh Alex, I can't believe she's done that. I'm so sorry.

Thank you.

daisystar wrote: »

Oh Alex, no wonder you needed cheering up

I honestly think you are doing brilliantly in the circumstances, to keep your motivation going when Mrs K spends like that just shows your strength. Please keep posting on here as you will need the support, it can feel like a rough road when your OH is on board so when they aren't it can be even tougher. Stick with it though, you are honestly doing great

And yep, try the weekend tourist thing even if your wife won't get involved, our weekends haven't all been outdoors and countryside during this wet weather but the ones that DH chooses tend to be - I never want to go but then always end up (grudgingly) enjoying myself

It's difficult for me to stand by and watch as I am finally on my way to sorting out my own problem spending, for her to do this shows a distinct lack of respect. However, in her position I'm not sure I'd respect me either.

I was thinking of doing some of the tourist things in the week, just my son and I.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

Unfortunately, as I do not work hard anymore .....


Says who?????:mad::mad::mad:





I am quite happy to go without myself to give my son the education I had.

That's admirable about LittleK's education but you really should clear your debts first. Are we talking September 2015 for when he's likely to start?

7roland8

Not much to add Alex but so sorry your efforts are being undermined by this mad spending of Mrs Ks. A bit of a shopping trip is fine and we all do it - but £1000 in one day - looks like she's trying to prove a point or just doesn't care. And young kids don't care about clothes - they just want to have fun. And its not just her money - what about her child that needs a roof over his head?
Sorry - hope you can soon feel better about things but you are both pulling in different directions.
My gosh - and wanting to go car shopping all the time.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

That's admirable about LittleK's education but you really should clear your debts first. Are we talking September 2015 for when he's likely to start?

Yes, September 2015 and whilst I've made a slow start to the year I am determined to have no debts come Christmas. Unfortunately, I can no longer say "we" will not have any debts.

7roland8 wrote: »

Not much to add Alex but so sorry your efforts are being undermined by this mad spending of Mrs Ks. A bit of a shopping trip is fine and we all do it - but £1000 in one day - looks like she's trying to prove a point or just doesn't care. And young kids don't care about clothes - they just want to have fun. And its not just her money - what about her child that needs a roof over his head?
Sorry - hope you can soon feel better about things but you are both pulling in different directions.
My gosh - and wanting to go car shopping all the time.

Yes, it's difficult. Although, what she's done wasn't particularly unusual for us until things started to become financially difficult and whilst she admits that she was on board to begin with she now says she's not because she works full time, earns a decent wage (for round here) and feels as if she's being punished for my mistakes. As for our son having a roof over his head, she doesn't put anything above paying the mortgage and associated bills - this lot has gone on one of her cards as her left over wages are going towards a deposit on a car for her.

With regards to our son, I know he just wants to have fun and he does. Admittedly, most of our fun is free at the moment (walking in the countryside, visiting the farm next door, music etc.) and he does swimming with Mrs. K. every Friday.

FlacosFloozie

Wow Alex, that's some splurge, no wonder you're feeling fed up. If it helps when I first started the debt free journey I set too tight a budget and would have major splurges getting me further into debt. Once I had my proper LBM I accepted it would take a bit longer to pay things off and allowed a bit in the budget for more modest treats.
Is there any way to reduce the damage- any items she might take back ie keep the jacket and return the shoes? If she haas lots of high end clothes in her wardrobe what about an ebay clear out to raise some funds? Branded women's clothes sell well and postage is cheap. I'm strictly high st/supermarket these days but it raised some cash in the past. Bundles of kids clothes do well too if there's any little K has grown out of.
Longer term you and Mrs K need to learn to work as a team. I dont think his and hers works once you have a mortgage and kids. You seem to have quite different ideas re schooling etc. Would Mrs K be more on board if you could find some shared objectives? Can you make it fun? If she has to do the classic car thing how about a challenge- set a limit to be spent on car and repairsn in advance. How far under can you get- how much of a profit can you make- how far can you drive before it breaks down
I'm not into classics myself but I enabled MrF's addiction for many years so learned the ins and outs so to speak.

7roland8

Well if her debts are on her cards - keep it that way.

You are clearing yours fine with selling stuff etc.

So at least you can have yours cleared with a clear conscience - then take the same attitude if she ever has trouble paying hers off - that its nothing to do with you.

Good job you have so much of your own stuff to sort and sell. Though I admit its disheartening to try and sort things while partner is still spending - but a lot of us have had that one way or another.

Iwillsucceed_2

Hello Alex and everyone!

Here I am again!

You made me smile! I am loving your new found positive attitude! woohoo!
Money is just money indeed, it has value but you cannot be define by it! Money will follow to those who live by their passion (your piano teaching).

Uff I am also loving the suggestions given to you about exploring your surroundings by pretending you are a tourist! I have done that all my life! ha ha ha :-)
Sometimes I wonder if you spend a lot of time on your own, yes you visit your parents on Sundays, you go out with little K :-) but you hardly go out with your wife! 'being left on your own whilst they went shopping' doesn't seem a rare event...So, I think you could think of reaching out?
I noticed that that there are several free networking events in Manchester! Perhaps there is one in relation to antique furniture! I bet there is! :-)

Sending you positive vibes!

AlexLK wrote: »

Saturday 1st March, 2014.

Dear Diary,

On days like this, everything seems as if it is all so difficult and never going to repair itself. Yet, I am not going to give up, nor crawl into a pit of despair because I am now aware I can do better than that. Money is nothing but arbitrary numbers printed onto rather small, rectangular pieces of paper and one should not be defined by such shallow means.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

AlexLK

FlacosFloozie wrote: »

Wow Alex, that's some splurge, no wonder you're feeling fed up. If it helps when I first started the debt free journey I set too tight a budget and would have major splurges getting me further into debt. Once I had my proper LBM I accepted it would take a bit longer to pay things off and allowed a bit in the budget for more modest treats.
Is there any way to reduce the damage- any items she might take back ie keep the jacket and return the shoes? If she haas lots of high end clothes in her wardrobe what about an ebay clear out to raise some funds? Branded women's clothes sell well and postage is cheap. I'm strictly high st/supermarket these days but it raised some cash in the past. Bundles of kids clothes do well too if there's any little K has grown out of.
Longer term you and Mrs K need to learn to work as a team. I dont think his and hers works once you have a mortgage and kids. You seem to have quite different ideas re schooling etc. Would Mrs K be more on board if you could find some shared objectives? Can you make it fun? If she has to do the classic car thing how about a challenge- set a limit to be spent on car and repairsn in advance. How far under can you get- how much of a profit can you make- how far can you drive before it breaks down
I'm not into classics myself but I enabled MrF's addiction for many years so learned the ins and outs so to speak.

I wish I were talking of a £5,000 classic but she's saving for a deposit on a £39,000 new BMW. She's not far off either as we sold the cheap classic we bought on for a nice healthy profit just a week ago.

She won't return anything but we are doing lots of eBaying.

As for common goals, yes we need some and unfortunately Mrs. K. has the "I turned out alright" attitude about our son's education, whereas having looked into the various options I do not want him to miss out by being educated by the state. Whilst, I have seen good teaching and able pupils, they don't cover everything I would like.

Nothing used to be his and hers, it is now because Mrs. K. has become fed up of funding my lifestyle.

7roland8 wrote: »

Well if her debts are on her cards - keep it that way.

You are clearing yours fine with selling stuff etc.

So at least you can have yours cleared with a clear conscience - then take the same attitude if she ever has trouble paying hers off - that its nothing to do with you.

Good job you have so much of your own stuff to sort and sell. Though I admit its disheartening to try and sort things while partner is still spending - but a lot of us have had that one way or another.

Thank you. I do hope she will keep things sensible.

brizzledfw

Hi Alex

Have to say that I earn stacks more than Mr B..but the point is everything is joint...so it's a joint debt too. Yes for ages he knew nothing..for the boring details read my diary..but it was a relief now we are working together, towards a common goal of being DF. And it's been brutally hard but we are almost there. And..we still have fun on the way, but different fun. It involves much less shopping!:)

As a fervent supporter of state education and knowing how good many Derbyshire schools are...have you even looked at them? Getting into the private sector will be a millstone for years to come. Most kids I have met thrive in the state sector. Maybe it's not like when you were young? Sorry if that's too personal a comment for a newbie on your thread ( we hardly know each other but it just seems like it could be a financial car crash unless you get the debts ( both of you) under control first.

Hugs anyway

Brizzle

brizzledfw

Crossed post..but do look closely. A huge variety of activities are such a young age is the not the end of the world. Your DS spending lots of time with either of his parents is just as, in fact, more important