Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

mum2one wrote: »

You do provide, yes someone on the school run may have a nice shiny 4 x 4, but penny to a £1 there a great big stonking bank loan behind it.

As for houses, a lot of people stay put,

Holidays - I am sure you have had some good holidays, I bet there have been years when the other people haven't gone.

Your not failing anyone,
You have a roof over your head
You have food in the house
You have warmth and light
You have a lovely wife and son
You have a successful business
How many cars are there????? 5 soon to be 6

Ignoring the debts - theres a fair bit of the finds going on these cars???

if you scratched below the surface I bet you would find there are plenty of cracks and plenty of credit cards etc floating around in those houses.

---
Your debts - the first two were cleared fast, now the others are a slower pac, but don't lose sight of how much you paid out, and this still can be done, if you want a holiday it has to be budgeted for, - I've lost count of car boots, table tops, ebay, selling sites to get rid of extras in the house, clothes DD has grown out of etc - this is because I want the holiday, its been tough it still will be, but when we've been / going it makes me and DD really grateful and apricate the experiences were getting - as we've done it to get there xx

mum2one: Thank you, sometimes I forget that others may have debts too, often it seems I am the only one.

I am certainly on the way to clearing my debts. I do have to clear what we owe to the business first but once that's gone (hopefully within the the couple of weeks) I'll be back to getting rid of the cards.

The clear out has been a good idea from this site as whilst no where near finished all the rooms of the house (and garages) are looking a little less full of junk.

7roland8 wrote: »

Well said mum2one.

Alex - you will probably never be able to give your wife all she wants - not because you won't be earning enough - but for soe people their material possessions and holidays etc are never enough - so if you had four holidays a year someone else will always have five or six - or a bigger house of a newer and more expensive car.

The thing is to work on being content with what you have.

Maybe she is just making conversation and does not realise what she is saying - but if she is saying these things deliberately to hurt and upset you that is downright cruel.

People will always have more than you - even if you had millions - so that will never bring you contentment - while a walk in the woods with your son or feeding some ducks with cheap bread can.

Roland: Thank you. I am trying to work on forgetting about finding meaning from material possessions. Mrs. K. does not quite "get" it, though and is all too keen for us to buy bigger and better things, getting ourselves into more debt.

Mara_uk7 wrote: »

Alex, Since your wife has such a great wage and "spare" money, Why doesnt SHE take her family (you & little K ) on holiday instead of whinging ?

My wife hasn't got the cash to take us on holiday because she is saving for a new car at the moment.

theoretica

7roland8 wrote: »

People will always have more than you - even if you had millions - so that will never bring you contentment - while a walk in the woods with your son or feeding some ducks with cheap bread can.

I agree with the sentiment, but bread is not good for ducks. It gives them indigestion. Much better, and even cheaper, to feed them things like carrot peelings.

Glad to hear your wife is saving for the car she wants, not putting it on credit!

Sedge123

AlexLK wrote: »

My wife hasn't got the cash to take us on holiday because she is saving for a new car at the moment.

Whaaaaat!!!! A marriage is a team Alex, why is she squirreling away money for a new car when you have debts? I assume she has benefitted from the belongings which led to the debts?

You need to work together! Sorry if I'm a bit harsh but I'm gobsmacked

AlexLK

theoretica wrote: »

I agree with the sentiment, but bread is not good for ducks. It gives them indigestion. Much better, and even cheaper, to feed them things like carrot peelings.

Glad to hear your wife is saving for the car she wants, not putting it on credit!

I did not know that, thank you. My son loves feeding the ducks. Well, he likes any animals and I would have never thought of giving carrot peelings to ducks!

Erm, perhaps I should have said a deposit on a car. Still, it's up to her.

Sedge123 wrote: »

Whaaaaat!!!! A marriage is a team Alex, why is she squirreling away money for a new car when you have debts? I assume she has benefitted from the belongings which led to the debts?

You need to work together! Sorry if I'm a bit harsh but I'm gobsmacked

Mrs. K. earns the majority of our income. The debts will be cleared with me selling some of the many things I have acquired over the years.

AlexLK

Monday 28th January, 2014.
Day

Dear Diary,

January is almost coming to a close and I am reflecting upon a difficult month, vowing to make February better. On the upside my son recited the alphabet perfectly to me today. Can't say I ever believed that I'd be so proud over such little moments before I became a father. Yes, I was the one rolling my eyes upon hearing about my cousins' children's milestones once.

Today has been an absolute nightmare at the school I volunteer at, not because of the children, they've been great but I ended up getting into an argument with a member of staff over expectations and attainment; reasoning that there was no need to dumb down simple music theory and fail to correct children's mistakes. Well, that's the short story. Anyhow, it didn't end well, she dragged my own schooling into question as apparently I'm "too public school". Not sure when caring about teaching the fundamentals of a subject as well as caring that pupils achieve their potential became "too public school". I'll have to be honest I wasn't pleased as I helped out today to cover somebody else (who they incidentally pay) and will take my usual class tomorrow.

I wanted to stop my ranting in this diary and keep it focused on my finances. However, at this late hour I find myself unable to sleep, so I'm afraid you shall have to suffer me, even though I have paid nothing towards clearing my debts today.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

Sedge123

With respect, my husband earns far more than I do each month but wouldn't dream of saving for things for himself if we have debts.

7roland8

Alex - I'm with you on the stand you made at school - when is trying to have certain standards a bad thing?

They sound like inverted snobs - although it depends whether you played on the public school thing - otherwise they wouldn't have known would they?

Anyway there is nothing wrong with having a good education and standards - no matter if it came from comp, grammar or public school.

Goldiegirl

AlexLK wrote: »

Pippi: Thank you for your message. Today has been especially difficult for me.

I'm terribly guilty for not being able to provide my wife with all that she wants. Every time she mentions something one of her colleagues and friends have done that we cannot afford to I feel I have completely and utterly failed her, even though I don't say anything, she knows. For I cannot stand to hear her tell me about somebody moving to a bigger house or someone else that has just bought a new car or even one of her friends booking a nice holiday. When I see other fathers picking up their children in expensive, shiny new 4x4s I fear that I am failing my son. It never stops.

No real idea how to move forward from here at the moment.

I've got a strange sense of d!jà vu here, as I'm sure I've said this before, but we're not in 1914 anymore. It is not the husbands job to provide for the wife. A marriage is an equal partnership, and people fulfil various roles in that partnership, working for the good of the family. It doesn't matter who does what, as long as it's being done. I think you are doing everything you can within the partnership - I think it's your wife that needs to step up and realise that it's not right to squirrel money away for her personal requirements at the expense of the family

maman

7roland8 wrote: »

Alex - I'm with you on the stand you made at school - when is trying to have certain standards a bad thing?

They sound like inverted snobs - although it depends whether you played on the public school thing - otherwise they wouldn't have known would they?

Anyway there is nothing wrong with having a good education and standards - no matter if it came from comp, grammar or public school.

I agree. I'm all for teaching children the right terminology, vocabulary, having high expectations etc. but correcting them needs to be gentle and constructive and encouraging so that they aren't afraid to have a go in the future.


I think the member of staff was wrong to get into that argument with you. You're a volunteer and so a guest in the school. Fine if she thought that you'd perhaps been too harsh or were teaching/talking way above the children's heads so to speak but to bring personal prejudice into it isn't on.


I've been worried about you this last few weeks Alex. First I'm a bit bemused as to why your parents views seem to be concerning you when they're away. And then in more general terms (taking the holiday/car thing as a current example) that you seem so firmly entrenched in your way of thinking that you not only beat yourself up but allow other people to step on your Achilles heel which I'm disgusted about.


Although you do delight in simple things (I'm told that ducks like defrosted frozen peas by the way and think of the potential for throwing them!) you constantly measure yourself against your perception of others. So what if someone else's dad has a 4x4. You choose to spend your money differently on old cars and LRs etc. or better still to pay off debts.


Your parents seem constantly to belittle what you choose to do even though you're doing your best to cope with mental health issues whilst volunteering and running a small business and looking after your boy. MrsK seems to behave in much the same way by keeping so much of her salary for an expensive, show-off toy that she doesn't really need. It's like rather than helping you she's rubbing your nose in the fact that she earns more than you knowing that
you feel guilty about it anyway. I think they're all being highly insensitive to the point of being cruel. What infuriates me though is that you seem to believe them!!


I'll get back in my box now.


P.S. Hope you got LittleK to sing the alphabet. Thank goodness he loves you unconditionally.

AlexLK

Sedge123 wrote: »

With respect, my husband earns far more than I do each month but wouldn't dream of saving for things for himself if we have debts.

I created the debts without my wife's knowledge (wrong and all happened a few years ago when I couldn't face reality).

7roland8 wrote: »

Alex - I'm with you on the stand you made at school - when is trying to have certain standards a bad thing?

They sound like inverted snobs - although it depends whether you played on the public school thing - otherwise they wouldn't have known would they?

Anyway there is nothing wrong with having a good education and standards - no matter if it came from comp, grammar or public school.

Well, I don't think it is. Unfortunately, others seem to disagree thinking it is fine so long as the children are "having fun". I am positive that would not be the case had I been teaching Maths.

I haven't played on anything of the kind; she only knew as I happened to mention just how long my school days were in comparison to theirs on the first day.

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I've got a strange sense of d!jà vu here, as I'm sure I've said this before, but we're not in 1914 anymore. It is not the husbands job to provide for the wife. A marriage is an equal partnership, and people fulfil various roles in that partnership, working for the good of the family. It doesn't matter who does what, as long as it's being done. I think you are doing everything you can within the partnership - I think it's your wife that needs to step up and realise that it's not right to squirrel money away for her personal requirements at the expense of the family

I understand this. However, an understanding of something does not prevent me from suffering my own personal guilt over the matter. That said I'm doing my best.