Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

Mara: My parents are good people who only ever wanted the best for me. I ended up disappointing them, which is my problem not theirs.

*Robin*

Alex, I do wish you'd use some of your free time helping those who are the most disadvantaged in society.

..Volunteering to help peel spuds once a week at a homeless shelter would give you a better perspective on the many blessings in your life!

While you're thinking whether you could bear to do that, pick up a few packets of pasta next time you're shopping; pop 'em in the food-bank box - and give thanks that you can afford to eat well.

cocalls

Happy new yr Alex (hope its not too late to say that)


You do sound down, I reckon its the time of yr and lack of sunshine-are you getting enough exercise and fresh air? This can work wonders for your mood.


(BTW id be a bit annoyed if my OH kept most of 'his' money to spend on their self-has the large amount of time you look after your son been worked out in this divvy up?)

FlacosFloozie

Hi Alex and a Happy New Year to you!

I haven't been posting much on your diary but I have still been lurking. You are doing really well on the money front and I'm proud of you for that. You've made huge changes since you started this diary and I think sometimes the rest of us forget that you've only been doing this for a few months. When I started debt busting I found it a real struggle, feeling like a failure for not providing the standard of living I thought we should have. If I'd tried to go all out I'd have failed (I did before) but gradually cutting down worked and things that would once have horrified me are now second nature.... of course I'm going to cut that shampoo bottle open to get the last bit out, throwing it would just be wasteful!

Allow yourself a small treat budget, if you don't you'll fall off the wagon big style (trust me I have) and be proud of how far you and Mrs K have come (paying for lunch 2 days instead of 5 is a good start). You are learning to budget and live within your means, its an ongoing process and it does get a lot easier. I promise.

FlacosFloozie

Okay, that was getting long and rambly so I thought I'd split it up.

The other thing I want to say is be kind to yourself. You had a breakdown and are suffering from depression. This does not make you a bad person. Mr FF was once destined for the same stressful (moderately) high flying career I ended up with. He had a breakdown and left. I am so glad he did, if he hadn't I'm sure it would have led to his suicide. It was really tough for him but I am completely convinced it was the right decision. He's been a student and a house husband for a long time but has been an invaluable support for me.

The depression comes and goes. Right now you seem like you are in the phase where you feel worthless and that you will never be happy again. You've chosen to attribute this to your financial situation but it isn't. Depression distorts your thinking and traps you in these negative feelings. It does improve. You will not always feel like this. You will be happy again but its okay that you don't feel that way at the moment. You are a good person and a good dad. Try to hang on in there. Talk to Mrs K- she has made a choice to stay and support you. She will find it hard at times but that doesn't mean she doesn't love you. If the counselling doesn't help look at CBT, go back to the doctor. Try to take care of yourself.

Once again, I am proud of how well you are doing Alex. One day you'll be able to feel that way too xx.

Mint1955

Your parents have EVERYtHING to do with your depression. Stop kidding yourself. You and Mrs K are not on the same page because you are so tied up with trying to please parents. Little K is watching believe me.

Domayne

AlexLK wrote: »

I'm don't have a need to "laugh at other people", yes there are certain demographics of society I look down upon but I'm positive I'm not the only one.

No, I'm pretty sure your not the only one - but it doesn't make it alright. I really believe until I know the circumstances of someones life and WHY they do the things they do/act the way they do...who am I to judge them? After all, I'm nowhere near perfect but my sister has it has on her fbook as one of her hobbies 'judging people'
We all have our own ways of coping with things I guess but I'm pretty sure you will be hard pressed to find someone in this world who doesn't hate themselves, have low self esteem or some kind of problems somehow but it's how you deal with them...which I know from experience is hard, I also have the whole 'woe is me' act down at times and it's taken me years to be able to realize when I'm doing it and get a grip.
You might think that your parents have nothing to do with your current issues, but your upbringing, things that happen to you and the people around you mold and shape you into who you are.

AlexLK

*Robin* wrote: »

Alex, I do wish you'd use some of your free time helping those who are the most disadvantaged in society.

..Volunteering to help peel spuds once a week at a homeless shelter would give you a better perspective on the many blessings in your life!

While you're thinking whether you could bear to do that, pick up a few packets of pasta next time you're shopping; pop 'em in the food-bank box - and give thanks that you can afford to eat well.

Funny you should say that, I've managed to get myself involved in a music project teaching children from "disadvantaged" homes (no, I don't really know what that means, either. Could be children like my son for all I know). Anyway, I'll admit I signed up for selfish reasons but it's playing on my mind as the introductory session is today.

I've given to the foodbank before Christmas. I'm not completely heartless, thank you.

cocalls wrote: »

Happy new yr Alex (hope its not too late to say that)


You do sound down, I reckon its the time of yr and lack of sunshine-are you getting enough exercise and fresh air? This can work wonders for your mood.


(BTW id be a bit annoyed if my OH kept most of 'his' money to spend on their self-has the large amount of time you look after your son been worked out in this divvy up?)

Happy New Year.

Can't say I'm doing a lot of anything. Had a really awful night which has reawakened some kind of enthusiasm to "sort myself out", starting with no drinking during the week. So, we shall see.

(No.)

FlacosFloozie wrote: »

Hi Alex and a Happy New Year to you!

I haven't been posting much on your diary but I have still been lurking. You are doing really well on the money front and I'm proud of you for that. You've made huge changes since you started this diary and I think sometimes the rest of us forget that you've only been doing this for a few months. When I started debt busting I found it a real struggle, feeling like a failure for not providing the standard of living I thought we should have. If I'd tried to go all out I'd have failed (I did before) but gradually cutting down worked and things that would once have horrified me are now second nature.... of course I'm going to cut that shampoo bottle open to get the last bit out, throwing it would just be wasteful!

Allow yourself a small treat budget, if you don't you'll fall off the wagon big style (trust me I have) and be proud of how far you and Mrs K have come (paying for lunch 2 days instead of 5 is a good start). You are learning to budget and live within your means, its an ongoing process and it does get a lot easier. I promise.

Happy New Year.

Thank you, I already feel myself slipping though nothing spectacularly expensive has been bought yet.

AlexLK

FlacosFloozie wrote: »

Okay, that was getting long and rambly so I thought I'd split it up.

The other thing I want to say is be kind to yourself. You had a breakdown and are suffering from depression. This does not make you a bad person. Mr FF was once destined for the same stressful (moderately) high flying career I ended up with. He had a breakdown and left. I am so glad he did, if he hadn't I'm sure it would have led to his suicide. It was really tough for him but I am completely convinced it was the right decision. He's been a student and a house husband for a long time but has been an invaluable support for me.

The depression comes and goes. Right now you seem like you are in the phase where you feel worthless and that you will never be happy again. You've chosen to attribute this to your financial situation but it isn't. Depression distorts your thinking and traps you in these negative feelings. It does improve. You will not always feel like this. You will be happy again but its okay that you don't feel that way at the moment. You are a good person and a good dad. Try to hang on in there. Talk to Mrs K- she has made a choice to stay and support you. She will find it hard at times but that doesn't mean she doesn't love you. If the counselling doesn't help look at CBT, go back to the doctor. Try to take care of yourself.

Once again, I am proud of how well you are doing Alex. One day you'll be able to feel that way too xx.

Thank you, I hope that is the case. My wife and I are not getting along well at the moment. I get the impression she is just as fed up of me as everybody else.

Mint1955 wrote: »

Your parents have EVERYtHING to do with your depression. Stop kidding yourself. You and Mrs K are not on the same page because you are so tied up with trying to please parents. Little K is watching believe me.

Sorry, I cannot respond to this at this moment in time.

Domayne wrote: »

No, I'm pretty sure your not the only one - but it doesn't make it alright. I really believe until I know the circumstances of someones life and WHY they do the things they do/act the way they do...who am I to judge them? After all, I'm nowhere near perfect but my sister has it has on her fbook as one of her hobbies 'judging people'
We all have our own ways of coping with things I guess but I'm pretty sure you will be hard pressed to find someone in this world who doesn't hate themselves, have low self esteem or some kind of problems somehow but it's how you deal with them...which I know from experience is hard, I also have the whole 'woe is me' act down at times and it's taken me years to be able to realize when I'm doing it and get a grip.
You might think that your parents have nothing to do with your current issues, but your upbringing, things that happen to you and the people around you mold and shape you into who you are.

Can't say judging people is a "hobby", perhaps there is hope yet?

Thanks, yes I am starting to realise I'm falling back into the "whole woe is me act" and that is hardly helping matters.

Domayne

There's always hope as long as your alive!
When you realize your slipping - you just need to find ways of counter acting it...I like to go for a loooong walk or have a really hot bubble bath, call my best friend who talks me straight, start baking a cake, read a book, come online...find things that make you happy, stay away from negative people and just focus on what YOU want from life - Not what others expect from you and you'll be alright