Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

7roland8

AlexLK wrote: »

How do you cope with not being able to have everything you would like? Not just a question to your good self but to anyone. It makes me feel sick that I have a low income and that I cannot provide a good standard of living for my family.

I can't even think of two things and I'm not sure being alive is something to be grateful for,

Well does it matter if we don't get all we would like? Our needs are little - water, shelter and food - after that its just frippery.

Life is about making the best of what you have - not pining after what you don't.

As for not having to things to be grateful for - well think that you are not in physical pain - that you have your son, that he is healthy. That you have vehicles, a family, food, a roof over your head, your music that you enjoys, a skill with your business.
If your son had a terrible disease how important would your watches and shirts be then?

AlexLK

Granariesgirl wrote: »

She has just gone up a lot in my opinion! :T

:rotfl:

Granariesgirl wrote: »

Join the club Alex - it's a day to day battle, dirty guerilla-style fighting where you never know where the next enemy / temptation / setback is coming from! It's made me begin to realise what recovering alcoholics & drug addicts must go through...:(

You are NOT alone!

I too want stuff: riding lessons for the kids, skiing holidays, a lovely sleek 1950's America's Cup yacht I saw for sale once & have fantasised about ever since, a slightly bigger house with a LOT of land, a horse (or 2) & a couple of donkeys, oh & a cleaner & gardener too! Then there's the Austin Healey, being a size 8 or 10 so I'd look fab in all those designer clothes I could afford, facials & massages every week... & that ain't the half of it!:eek::rotfl:
The way I get through life is day by day, saying that the Lottery win ain't going to happen so we must do things little by little: no debts, then no mortgage (unless useful BTL for tax purposes), then investments for stability & then all the "trimmings". You have to keep hoping that you can make it eventually or life ain't worth living anymore - that's the theory that keeps me going, anyway. :cool:
(Well that & sometimes doing a Dory & chanting "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming"... until I laugh at the daftness of it all) :rotfl:

Thank you, I at least smiled, a little bit. Don't get me to start with my wants as I could go on all night but you have just reminded me of one with your yacht.

Granariesgirl wrote: »

Oh & she has no axe to grind there, has she? Let's face it - if you give up debtbusting your wife will probably give up on you & you will be alone, firmly & eternally tied to Mummy's apron strings!
Take her comment with a LARGE pinch of salt & carry on clearing the debt as well as you have been!
Worst case scenario: you re-run up a load of debt having cleared this lot (instead of being a good boy) - well at least you'll know what to do & how to clear it - but I think you're smarter than that!

I'd like to think I'm smarter than that and have no intention of living with Mummy dearest, ever.

Granariesgirl wrote: »

I'll see your T&A shirts & raise you a load of Trussardi etc. trousers & jeans that have not seen the light of day since I moved to the country! Wear 'em or sell 'em - that's what I'm intending to do with the "collection", honest!

The T&A is not even the half of it. However, mostly they see the light of day often. Embarrassing really but almost reassuring to know I'm not the only one.

Granariesgirl wrote: »

I know, it's a bummer, isn't it! I don't want to knit my own yoghurt either!!!! :(
As said before on here, read "The Millionaire Next Door" - it has given me hope that I could get rich one day if I stopped frittering money & time away & knuckled down. No mention of knitting yoghurt anywhere! Maybe it'll help you too.

Yes, I did mean to read that and will, only if you absolutely promise there are no knitting yoghurt references and plenty about how to get myself that DB4 I always promised myself.

Granariesgirl wrote: »

Your ability to express your feelings on here so eloquently & garner so many followers.
The fact you have already vanquished a sizeable amount of debt & those credit card payments are now no longer hanging over your head. :)

Chin up Alex! And remember (cue cheesy but optimistic song that I love!:p): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_dBep_55mI

Why thank you.

That at least made me smile!

7roland8 wrote: »

Well does it matter if we don't get all we would like? Our needs are little - water, shelter and food - after that its just frippery.

Life is about making the best of what you have - not pining after what you don't.

As for not having to things to be grateful for - well think that you are not in physical pain - that you have your son, that he is healthy. That you have vehicles, a family, food, a roof over your head, your music that you enjoys, a skill with your business.
If your son had a terrible disease how important would your watches and shirts be then?

I wish I could see things that way.

I suppose I take a lot for granted. As for if my son was poorly, I'd like to think I would be able to stop being selfish.

AliBee16

You asked how people deal with the need for STUFF. I found that once I had sorted out my unhappiness (my relationship) and faced up to living on my own, and moved away from that huge source of damage to my self-esteem, I didnt need the lovely handbags either. My wages leave literally nothing left after bills, which is quite depressing, but if I save from the food money or do a few extra hours, I dont rush out and spend it. But if I find a really good bargain,and treat myself, I get much more out of it than when I had money. It means more.
Also, I find I get a lot more out of doing things with my (grown up) children. Their company, and a few laughs, is more appreciated. If you downsize, you will find your needs downsize as well

Granariesgirl

Hi Alex,

Glad I made you smile - sounded like you needed it y'day!

Hope life is looking sunnier today with you - here the weather is dismal but I'm feeling cheerful. :cool:

The Millionaire Next Door book has NO refs to knitting yoghurt or even crocheting muesli! :rotfl:

I reckon that you could even get away with a DB4 if you could make it an investment that could appreciate in value over the years... after all could putting money in a classic car be less sensible than putting it in a lousy savings account that pays less than the rate of inflation & may be expropriated by the government (see thread: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4859125)?

heartbreak_star

It's kind of hard to explain how I got to the point of happiness, but I suppose put quite simply, I grew up.

I have very little to show for most of my debt. It was run up trying to keep a house-share going that was full of people I loved but were lazy and workshy. I also spent a lot of time and money drinking and trying the latest fad diets, trowelling on expensive makeup, and paying for a lot of ex-boyfriends.

I learned to say "No, I can't afford it."

Then as I was learning to budget but still wanting things, my father fell ill and nothing else mattered. Two years later, we lost him. Pretty much all my money went on petrol for that time.

Then I realised I hadn't missed buying "stuff" and nobody had cared that I couldn't spend money on them. Those that sponged off me had found somebody else to sponge off.

I'm not super-frugal. I like a meal out, but it's usually <£25 for both of us. I like a takeaway, but we use vouchers. Basic clothes are from Asda, and special pieces are either from Next or I make my own.

It's about realising - AS I HAVE SAID -stuff is just that. Stuff. What's the point in a £200 wallet? A £10 one will hold your money just as well. A £40 Timex will keep time as well as a £10000 Rolex. Expensive things are not always nice things, money does not equal quality - a pair of Sainsbury's trousers have outlasted the only Versace skirt I owned.

I live in a 2-bed semi with a leaky conservatory. I drive a 10-year-old Corsa with a dent in it. The things that make me happiest are seeing my mum, messing around with fabric, a quiet pint with my friends, and my cheerleading squad. My prized possession is my Kindle.

Learn to enjoy the simple things in life - cooking good, simple dishes, walks in the country (you DO enjoy this!), playing with your son. Remember to kiss your wife and tell her you love her every day.

It really - IMO - boils down to not caring what people think, and not needing to look down on people. Sorry Alex, I think you do like to look down on people sometimes. I think you've got a good heart, but your brain can be a bit misplaced sometimes

That was a bit of a ramble. I hope it made some sense.

HBS x

heartbreak_star

PS - I actually think if you could cut your apron strings a bit more, you'd be on the way to not needing "stuff".

HBS x

Mara_uk7

Stuff ? Hmm no, Apart from getting a summer holiday booked, There is actually NOTHING I want or need to buy .. And Im actually debt free ! #contented

heartbreak_star

Mara_uk7 wrote: »

Stuff ? Hmm no, Apart from getting a summer holiday booked, There is actually NOTHING I want or need to buy .. And Im actually debt free ! #contented

Me and OH keep saying we should save up for a proper holiday, but we keep going LARPing...:rotfl:

HBS x

AlexLK

Ali: Thank you for your reply. Unfortunately, I've had a few set backs but the need to surround myself with "things" has never gone. The house is full of furniture, art, other bits and pieces that I wanted at some time or another. I didn't see myself staying in this house for long so bought things for when we moved somewhere bigger, it was and still is in my mind a "starter house". However, a more rational part of me says many people would like to end up in a house such as this, if only I could be bothered to do some of the work needed to it.

Granariesgirl: Thank you. Weather is OK here.

Crotcheting muesli is a new one.

On the subject of cars, I know plenty of people who invest in classics. I've had quite a few cars (mainly classics) over the years, all of which I have drove a lot. Unfortunately, I'm not really the type of enthusiast who buys it to store in a garage and look at it. They get used, by the same token I've made a few quid on some of them over the years.

HBS: You trying to say I'm childish?

Admittedly the need for "stuff" as you put it is my downfall. Whilst I do enjoy some simple things, I don't enjoy them half as much as the expensive ones. I'd also admit to enjoying to look down on others sometimes, I'm sure everybody looks down on somebody for some reason.

I can't really distance myself from my parents: they expect me to do things for them, my father is not so well (not being morbid but he likely will not be around in five years time), they look after my son, all the capital for my business came from them and we need the money they give us.

AlexLK

Mara: You're very lucky to be in that position, in my opinion. I am struggling to see how somebody like me goes from buy, buy, buy, forget the money to save, save, save, buy the odd things I really want, save, save, save and repeat.