Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

Mrs.ScatterCushion:
Good evening Claire,

Happy New Year and thank you for your message.

Is it a "light bulb moment" if you don't think you can do anything about it but recognise the problem? Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who always wants more.

I hope you're right about my son, I really don't want him turning into a younger version of me (at any age).

There's a lot more going on than just the money. Mrs. K. doesn't really see the point now we've got the debts down a bit, she just wants to have some fun - not really bothered about the house so long as the mortgage is paid and it's not actually falling down.

HBS:
Yes, I know it's true. The first one has already happened to myself, it's actually rather daunting to know you cannot get credit, even if you really needed it for some reason.

I want to sort myself out, in fact I'd been looking forward to this year for a while as I'd promised myself that it'd be the year I got debt free, started to pay the mortgage off, did a little work to the house, stopped drinking too much and built my business up. However, it's not been a great start. I'm not pleased with myself about this.

Ali:
Thank you for your message.

Molly:
I'm sorry you feel that way. I do not think you are 'scum' or anything of the like from what you've said on here. I hope I have not offended you.

Emmala

Thank you Alex, but don't worry you haven't offended me. I'm just very surprised by your mother's view......rightly or wrongly many people rely on state support but I still think her choice of word is very offensive in this context as whatever the parent's position, as another poster has pointed out, it's never the children's fault.

mum2one

Hope you ok Alex, it sounds like its been a difficult weekend, your working great guns, I personally would have a work with Mrs K about this new card - as its no good you trying to get a debt free future and theres a new card being run up. Ok I can see the principle of her getting a card - as your credit would not be good with the debts, but it seems a dishonest way around it.

It sounds like you need to concenntrate on one task at a time, and decide which elements you can manage, I know Mondays are a hard day for you, so dont beat yourself up, but look to get something positive from it x

AlexLK

MollyMischief wrote: »

Thank you Alex, but don't worry you haven't offended me. I'm just very surprised by your mother's view......rightly or wrongly many people rely on state support but I still think her choice of word is very offensive in this context as whatever the parent's position, as another poster has pointed out, it's never the children's fault.

I personally think she overuses the "s" word and has too much time on her hands (she hates being retired) with too much reading of the Daily Mail, old lady magazines and listening to local radio. Not that I'd dare tell her.

mum2one wrote: »

Hope you ok Alex, it sounds like its been a difficult weekend, your working great guns, I personally would have a work with Mrs K about this new card - as its no good you trying to get a debt free future and theres a new card being run up. Ok I can see the principle of her getting a card - as your credit would not be good with the debts, but it seems a dishonest way around it.

It sounds like you need to concenntrate on one task at a time, and decide which elements you can manage, I know Mondays are a hard day for you, so dont beat yourself up, but look to get something positive from it x

I've been better. There's a couple of cards, apparently not that new but a few months old.

Thank you.

7roland8

AlexLK wrote: »

On another note, I'm still not happy about the cards and have some suspicions of my own about why she's got them.

Not very good if she cannot be open with you about things Alex - especially as you have bee working hard to sort things.

7roland8

AlexLK wrote: »

One thing I know for certain, I cannot live a "poor" lifestyle which comes back to the Bank of Mum and Dad.

Well if you had to you would - as there is no alternative.

As others have said you have the stuff to sell if you put your mind to it.

You want a more expensive life style than you can afford - well probably we all would but realise we are now in the real world and cannot have all we would like.

The thinking of two things a day to be grateful for is a good start - but aim for 10 - or 20.

Don't think its impossible - just start with being alive, able to see, hear walk etc and go from there.

Not impressed with the 'scum' quote - even if you were only passing it on. Surely you would have known how that would go down - and I do read the Saturday Mail myself.

I am another who had these free meals in the 60s and was embarrassed even then - my dad was ill and so had no choice.

It does make me wonder how public school people view the rest of us - not very good obviously. Its no wonder all the public school MPs have no idea of real life. I know it was not your comment but you were happy enough to pass it on.

AlexLK

7roland8 wrote: »

Not very good if she cannot be open with you about things Alex - especially as you have bee working hard to sort things.

I know this. Just want things to be how they were but haven't been for a long time between my wife and I.

7roland8 wrote: »

Well if you had to you would - as there is no alternative.

As others have said you have the stuff to sell if you put your mind to it.

You want a more expensive life style than you can afford - well probably we all would but realise we are now in the real world and cannot have all we would like.

The thinking of two things a day to be grateful for is a good start - but aim for 10 - or 20.

Don't think its impossible - just start with being alive, able to see, hear walk etc and go from there.

Not impressed with the 'scum' quote - even if you were only passing it on. Surely you would have known how that would go down - and I do read the Saturday Mail myself.

I am another who had these free meals in the 60s and was embarrassed even then - my dad was ill and so had no choice.

It does make me wonder how public school people view the rest of us - not very good obviously. Its no wonder all the public school MPs have no idea of real life. I know it was not your comment but you were happy enough to pass it on.

How do you cope with not being able to have everything you would like? Not just a question to your good self but to anyone. It makes me feel sick that I have a low income and that I cannot provide a good standard of living for my family.

I can't even think of two things and I'm not sure being alive is something to be grateful for, for me. I force myself to do everything, not for me but because I am responsible for my son and wife, perhaps not financially but in other ways.

I was ashamed of the fact I'd passed that comment on this morning, think it's about time I cut the drinking down as I do think more when sober. Still have the odd speak before I think moment then.

As for how I view others, mainly I'm too wrapped up in my own problems. When I was younger, I admit I was horrible. Now, I'm a bit more open minded. I'm volunteering one day next week for a music project: giving disadvantaged children the opportunity to learn an instrument. I have to admit I decided to do it purely for selfish reasons (might give me new teaching ideas, new pupils etc.), now though I do wonder if it will not be so bad and I may learn something from it.

heartbreak_star

Maybe you should tell her Alex Sounds like your mum needs a bit of a short sharp shock now and again!

I doubt new pupils will come out of the project - their families won't afford it - but it will probably help with new teaching methods. I've done the same with coaching and it's very rewarding!

And a good standard of living...do I have food in my fridge, clean water, a warm, secure house and a bit of entertainment now and again? That's a good standard of living. As long as my needs are met, my wants can be dealt with as and when.

HBS x

AlexLK

HBS: Um, no. I've no desire to get into more arguments than I need to! Did take her LRO though today, gives her something to read that is not politically inflammatory. Call it my good deed.

How did you get into the position of being OK with "As long as my needs are met, my wants can be dealt with as and when" though? We're all on here because at some time or another we've been in debt and not been able to live within our means.

Granariesgirl

AlexLK wrote: »

Funnily enough, Granariesgirl, she hates big corporations especially the supermarkets.

She has just gone up a lot in my opinion! :T

AlexLK wrote: »

I am starting to realise something: I cannot win this battle. I will always crave more than what I can afford and I actually do not know how to be "happy", or most certainly not "happy with my lot"... My income (combined with that of my wife's) is not enough for the lifestyle I wish to have.

Join the club Alex - it's a day to day battle, dirty guerilla-style fighting where you never know where the next enemy / temptation / setback is coming from! It's made me begin to realise what recovering alcoholics & drug addicts must go through...:(

You are NOT alone!

I too want stuff: riding lessons for the kids, skiing holidays, a lovely sleek 1950's America's Cup yacht I saw for sale once & have fantasised about ever since, a slightly bigger house with a LOT of land, a horse (or 2) & a couple of donkeys, oh & a cleaner & gardener too! Then there's the Austin Healey, being a size 8 or 10 so I'd look fab in all those designer clothes I could afford, facials & massages every week... & that ain't the half of it!:eek::rotfl:
The way I get through life is day by day, saying that the Lottery win ain't going to happen so we must do things little by little: no debts, then no mortgage (unless useful BTL for tax purposes), then investments for stability & then all the "trimmings". You have to keep hoping that you can make it eventually or life ain't worth living anymore - that's the theory that keeps me going, anyway. :cool:
(Well that & sometimes doing a Dory & chanting "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming"... until I laugh at the daftness of it all) :rotfl:

AlexLK wrote: »

Oddly enough, it was talking to my mother which made me realise this. She jokingly said I could "bankrupt Richard Branson" and that my wife and I are financially no good for one and other; constantly chasing "toys" from that "magic money tree".

Oh & she has no axe to grind there, has she? Let's face it - if you give up debtbusting your wife will probably give up on you & you will be alone, firmly & eternally tied to Mummy's apron strings!
Take her comment with a LARGE pinch of salt & carry on clearing the debt as well as you have been!
Worst case scenario: you re-run up a load of debt having cleared this lot (instead of being a good boy) - well at least you'll know what to do & how to clear it - but I think you're smarter than that!

AlexLK wrote: »

Father would be horrified to find I have half a large double wardrobe full of Turnbull and Asser shirts

I'll see your T&A shirts & raise you a load of Trussardi etc. trousers & jeans that have not seen the light of day since I moved to the country! Wear 'em or sell 'em - that's what I'm intending to do with the "collection", honest!

AlexLK wrote: »

I have come to realise something: being debt free (and staying debt free), is not really about money at all, it's about a lifestyle.

I know, it's a bummer, isn't it! I don't want to knit my own yoghurt either!!!! :(
As said before on here, read "The Millionaire Next Door" - it has given me hope that I could get rich one day if I stopped frittering money & time away & knuckled down. No mention of knitting yoghurt anywhere! Maybe it'll help you too.

AlexLK wrote: »

Two things to be thankful for:

Your ability to express your feelings on here so eloquently & garner so many followers.
The fact you have already vanquished a sizeable amount of debt & those credit card payments are now no longer hanging over your head. :)

Chin up Alex! And remember (cue cheesy but optimistic song that I love!:p): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_dBep_55mI