Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

WelshKitty85

Hi Alex, I have been following your diary for a while and thought it was about time I pop in and say 'hi'!

I must say I completely agree with Granariesgirl's post above. I have been working full time in an Ok-paid local authority job for the last 10 years. However, last year I decided to return to education so that I can chase my dream job (and hopefully earn a bit more money one day). I still work in the same job, but just 3 days a week now. I spend 2 days a week in Uni and 1 day a week volunteering in a local homeless shelter/food bank. This gives me 1 day off per week to spend with my family (and do shopping, sort uniforms & lunches for the week etc).

However, having recently looked into the benefits I am entitled to, it seems if I was to reduce my hours in work by 1 day I would be entitled to things like free school meals. Overall, I would be in roughly the same financial situation as I am now, but would have an extra day per week to spend with my family. I haven't done it yet as I am conscious that I don't want to rock the boat at work, but if I did reduce my working hours, would that really label me 'scum'?

I know this was your mother's opinion, not yours, but it has just really hit a nerve!

By the way, well done on the debt-busting to date.

VJsmum

daisystar wrote: »

ME!!! I did!! And your mother would be reassured to know I have since worked and paid quite enough myself in taxes to cover all those meals Crikey, she sounds like such a delight!!

I did too - for a little while. And in the days when we had to stand in a separate queue so everyone knew you were FSM.

I got a full grant for [STRIKE]univer[/STRIKE] Polytechnic too.

I wonder how many times over I have paid all that back??

The following is J K Rowlings take on the social security system

I chose to remain a domiciled taxpayer for a couple of reasons. The main one
was that I wanted my children to grow up where I grew up, to have proper roots
in a culture as old and magnificent as Britain’s; to be citizens, with
everything that implies, of a real country, not free-floating
ex-pats, living in the limbo of some tax haven and associating only with the
children of similarly greedy tax exiles.



A second reason, however, was that I am indebted to the British welfare
state; the very one that Mr Cameron would like to replace with charity handouts.
When my life hit rock bottom, that safety net, threadbare though it had become
under John Major’s Government, was there to break the fall. I cannot help
feeling, therefore, that it would have been contemptible to scarper for the West
Indies at the first sniff of a seven-figure royalty cheque.

maman

WelshKitty85 wrote: »

I must say I completely agree with Granariesgirl's post above.


I know this was your mother's opinion, not yours, but it has just really hit a nerve!

I agree too but please don't feel like we're shooting the messenger.:)

While disgusted by your mother's bigoted views, all posters are trying to do is explain that they're just perceptions perpetuated by the likes of the Daily Mail and not borne out by facts that many teachers, parents and lower paid workers have expressed.

I think what's so good about your diary is that it could easily be a forum for fascinating discussion about education/politics/lifestyle etc...

The trouble is that it's a debt-busting diary and your determination on private education, cars, expensive toys and even gloves;) are luxuries you can't afford. The money you are spending isn't your own.

Hope the beef wasn't too tough!:D

AlexLK

Well, managed to have "a word" today. If it weren't for how many people had responded / already seen this I would like to delete as she was inconsolable upon realising she'd taken things a step too far. In all honesty I wouldn't be surprised to find if it weren't for my wife's income my son would likely be entitled to such support.

Her problem seems to be reading too many articles about "lifestyle benefit claimants". Doesn't help that the local radio stations keep on talking about that Philpott (sp) family. She has no problem whatsoever with people who earn very little but work or the genuinely too ill to work. However, she is far too quick to judge at the best of times.

Funnily enough, Granariesgirl, she hates big corporations especially the supermarkets.

On another note, I'm still not happy about the cards and have some suspicions of my own about why she's got them.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

I think what's so good about your diary is that it could easily be a forum for fascinating discussion about education/politics/lifestyle etc...

The trouble is that it's a debt-busting diary and your determination on private education, cars, expensive toys and even gloves;) are luxuries you can't afford. The money you are spending isn't your own.

Hope the beef wasn't too tough!:D

I do have an awful tendency to speak (write) before I think and regret it thereafter.

Unfortunately, my money situation is rather dire, though I do not know how to fix it as I wouldn't be surprised to find I am nigh on unemployable, nor do I think I have it in me to put in the hours needed to make a lot of money out of being self employed. Mrs. K. wants to become self employed in the long term too and I'm not sure how long I will be able to put her off for.

One thing I know for certain, I cannot live a "poor" lifestyle which comes back to the Bank of Mum and Dad.

AlexLK

Sunday 5th January, 2014.
Day 130.

Dear Diary,

I shall entitle this entry "my financial confession".

I am starting to realise something: I cannot win this battle. I will always crave more than what I can afford and I actually do not know how to be "happy", or most certainly not "happy with my lot". Sorry to say I believe that currently I am not only wasting my time but the time of all of you too. It's not that I dismiss your advice and go buy another £5,000 watch that day, a £20,000 car the day after. The wish to become debt-free is there, though I've a confession to make; I do not believe I can stay debt free.

My income (combined with that of my wife's) is not enough for the lifestyle I wish to have. Worst still, when we were bringing home close to £5,000 per month, it was still not enough and I was in a worse debt situation than now. Admittedly, before I started posting on this site, I did not know how to budget, now I can do it but am only willing to do so begrudgingly, if it means I'll get my toys.

Oddly enough, it was talking to my mother which made me realise this. She jokingly said I could "bankrupt Richard Branson" and that my wife and I are financially no good for one and other; constantly chasing "toys" from that "magic money tree". No, I wasn't pleased at the time, protesting that I'm a grown up with my own (OK the bank's own) house and family. Maman later confirmed that little doubt in my mind that said mother knows best and that I'm still a bit of a spoiled brat, expecting to get everything I want, though I very much doubt she meant to.

Looking back to my own childhood, yes I was spoiled and yes, my parents enjoyed spending their money but they never had five cars, a hoard of antique this and that, furniture spilling out into the garage and wooden shed, rotting ready for when we "buy a bigger house". Father would be horrified to find I have half a large double wardrobe full of Turnbull and Asser shirts, a watch collection to rival most small jewellers shops and then there is my now infamous pen collection amongst other things I simply can't bear to part with. I often think to myself how on earth do they have money when I don't: I suppose the answer stares me in the face each time I visit, my father is worth quite a bit of money but still drives a 17 year old Jag worth all of about 2 bags of crisps and a bar of Cadburys Dairy Milk, before mother bought her current Defender, the last one had been in her possession for fifteen years. What would I do had I their income? The answer is simple, buy an Aston Martin (and the rest).

I have come to realise something: being debt free (and staying debt free), is not really about money at all, it's about a lifestyle.

Two things to be thankful for:
I actually have so much to be thankful for and yet have been sat here for 30 minutes thinking what to write here.

Summary:
-£24.00 Groceries.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

mrsscattercushion

evening Alex,


Haven't posted for a while, so Happy New year, have been reading but not had much time to respond.


Seems like you are having another "Light Bulb Moment" ~ realising that you are right, it isn't just about the physical money, but more about lifestyle and sometimes, simply.....what your priorities are and what will make you happy......I feel sad for people where it seems regardless of what they have, they are not happy and always strive for more.....


A few things struck me in what you write, for example that it is " a bit lame" that one of the things you are grateful for is that your son says he missed you, and that he has a better bedroom at your parents as it is bigger and has a playroom ~ actually your son is clearly, in his child-way telling you what is important. It is not the things, the size of bedroom, the expensive or quality of the toys ~ it is time with you he cherishes....you say you feel a bit of a failure at times and couldn't offer much.....well sounds like your son disagrees ;-)


It is a hard journey ~ sounds like there is more going on than just the money, but it is making you think about the past, present and future all at the same time....a lot for anyone to get their head's round, especially as it comes across your self of self-esteem is very fragile....not helped if you feel Mrs K isn't viewing things the same as you.....sounds like she isn't blameless in this either, esp if you say the house needs repairs yet she is wanting yet another car.....I hope you find a way to work at things together, as it does come across that you aren't particularly united as a team facing things together.


It will be a long, tough road, but you can do this....if you really want to.....good luck!


Claire

heartbreak_star

So what happens when you can't get any more credit, can't service the mortgage, can't pay the bills and can't put petrol in the car.

What value your precious pens then, Alex?

I know that's harsh, but you know yourself it's also true.

HBS x

AliBee16

I have followed your thread with interest Alex. I feel you are a victim of circumstance in some respects, but I hear your desperation coming through at times,particularly today. You have had a privileged upbringing by parents who have unnaturally high expectations and consequently make you feel as if you are not good enough. Your mother sounds like a very 'strong' opinionated woman who has left you unable to break away from her influence, or wishing to fulfill those unreasonable expectations.
By shopping, and buying nice things, it makes you feel better, the same as drinking too much blots out the sadness.
I want to thank you, Alex, as your message to me rings out in a very personal way, it is one I have struggled with myself.
My mother also destroyed my self-esteem, and I was in an unhappy marriage, and I would shop (and eat) to make myself happy. Boy, did it work, and as my husband earnt over £150,000 yearly, it was all fine. Now, however, we have split, and I earn £10,000 yearly (yes, you heard me!).
I cannot shop any more, obviously. I have 2 adult children who live with me and I owe it to them, but it is a struggle. I read a book recently which gave me the message - YOU ARE ENOUGH, AND YOU HAVE ENOUGH.
Your son adores you, and he is the one that you must not let down. Not Mrs K, or your parents or Mrs K's relatives or, indeed, yourself. I have also suffered from depression, in the past, and I see this as your key to recovery.
It's not about more nice pens - they will not provide a roof over your son's head, or food for him. You are in such a difficult situation dealing with this by yourself (sounds like Mrs K is not quite on board), and it will be a difficult road, but you must carry on with the counselling. It's not really about the pens, it's the self-esteem. You may have to be a bit rebellious in the future, against all these influences.
Btw, dont keep putting yourself down for providing child-care, running your own business and dealing with depression all at the same time. Mrs K couldnt do her job without you at home.
No need to reply, just wanted to put my (long) oar in.

Emmala

AlexLK wrote: »

I'm not so sure it's the children as the parents of said children. Anyhow, I'm going to have a word with her today. Looking back she didn't quite seem herself yesterday, kept me hanging on the 'phone, ranting on and on and on. My wife thinks she's struggling to cope with looking after my father (her mother is a nurse and said people behave in funny ways).

On the plus side, the statements for the cards are almost clear.

Oh dear, how very out of touch!!!! And downright, bl**dy rude!!!


According to your mother, my husband and I must be 'scum' then because our children are getting free schools meals........both DH and I are middle class, post graduate professionals who are now relying on benefits to help us stay afloat as DH went from a £60K+ job in September to unemployed in less than an hour. My son is the brightest child in his school, all three children are high achievers both academically and non-academically (ie sports) and have benefitted from a 'traditional' stay at home mother home life up until DH lost his job and I went back as a teaching assistant.


We have gone from not being entitled to anything (including child benefit) to needing help just to live. Since September, all we've received in benefits is £70 a week income-related job seekers, child benefit (£188 a month) and free school meals.


SO, I'm afraid I would have something very short and not-so-sweet to say to your mother should we meet, as frankly, given the amount of tax my husband has paid in over the years, I don't feel the slightest bit guilty in relying on getting a little bit 'back'. What an attitude. Rude!