Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

7roland8

AlexLK wrote: »

That's how it's always been in my family; in the years my parents and I did not speak my main motivator not to at least try was the fact they have very clear expectations of me. Failing them in many ways, I know now that I've at least got to try and pay them back somehow.

Alex - you have your life to lead and move forward. Do it for yourself and your wife and son - not to please your parents.

Their expectations are their own problems - you do not have to buy into them. They did what they wanted with their lives - now you do the same with yours.

dawnybabes

Put the shoe on the other foot, how would you feel when ds grows up and has kids of his own and he didn't want to spend any part of Xmas day with you. Most people I know do alternate years or have the family at theirs.

You cannot keep beating yourself up for mistakes you made when you were younger. Life moves on, we live and learn. Let it go, it is doing you no good at all dwelling on it and feeling as though you failed your parents, perhaps you did but we are all human - don't forget this !

dawnybabes

7roland8 wrote: »

Alex - you have your life to lead and move forward. Do it for yourself and your wife and son - not to please your parents.

Their expectations are their own problems - you do not have to buy into them. They did what they wanted with their lives - now you do the same with yours.

Totally agree ....

AlexLK

Friday 27th December, 2013.
Day 121.

Dear Diary,

Work wise, today has largely been a complete and utter waste of my time. To cut a long story short, I thought I was in with a shot of gaining a large order, making a great start to 2014 but that wasn't meant to be and I left nothing short of utterly confused. Business isn't looking great for next year, at the moment I must say.

Turning my thoughts to debt busting, I have to admit my more unscrupulous thoughts are heading along the lines of paying them £10.00 per month for the foreseeable future and if they send me court, plead poverty. Put simply, I don't really want to pay this money back, does anyone who's in debt, truthfully? Anyhow, much as I talk about doing such things, in reality I will be debt free by the end of 2014 as I will get on with paying the debts off. So frustrating to realise how foolish you have been in the past, isn't it?

Summary:
-£70.00 - Petrol.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

Emmala

dawnybabes wrote: »

Put the shoe on the other foot, how would you feel when ds grows up and has kids of his own and he didn't want to spend any part of Xmas day with you. Most people I know do alternate years or have the family at theirs.

You cannot keep beating yourself up for mistakes you made when you were younger. Life moves on, we live and learn. Let it go, it is doing you no good at all dwelling on it and feeling as though you failed your parents, perhaps you did but we are all human - don't forget this !

Yes, this is a good point....why not rotate spending time with the in-laws/your parents/at home? or rotate the days eg xmas day with one set, boxing day with the others? or keep xmas day to yourselves and do xmas eve with one set and boxing day with the others?

AlexLK

7roland8 wrote: »

Alex - you have your life to lead and move forward. Do it for yourself and your wife and son - not to please your parents.

Their expectations are their own problems - you do not have to buy into them. They did what they wanted with their lives - now you do the same with yours.

Roland: Thank you.

Not sure anybody understands the situation in all honesty, sometimes I wish I knew no other life and could be content with "my lot". However, I can't and also cannot afford to give my son the same upbringing I had without help from my family, therefore I live by their rules.

dawnybabes wrote: »

Put the shoe on the other foot, how would you feel when ds grows up and has kids of his own and he didn't want to spend any part of Xmas day with you. Most people I know do alternate years or have the family at theirs.

You cannot keep beating yourself up for mistakes you made when you were younger. Life moves on, we live and learn. Let it go, it is doing you no good at all dwelling on it and feeling as though you failed your parents, perhaps you did but we are all human - don't forget this !

Dawn: Thank you, things are difficult and both my wife and I would be unhappy if our son didn't want to spend time with us when he grew up.

7roland8

MollyMischief wrote: »

Yes, this is a good point....why not rotate spending time with the in-laws/your parents/at home? or rotate the days eg xmas day with one set, boxing day with the others? or keep xmas day to yourselves and do xmas eve with one set and boxing day with the others?

Excellent idea Molly - it does not all have to be on the one day - spread they joy a bit and little K will have three days of opening presents"

Emmala

AlexLK wrote: »

LOL, indeed! I've been wanting to do a house swap (it costs them a fortune in having cleaners and gardeners round, I'd quite happily look after the place myself) with my parents for a couple of years now, would love to go back "home", only with my name on the deeds.:rotfl:



I spend half my life bending to their will.

Not quite sure how to take the last sentence, the main reason I was estranged from them in my twenties was more down to me losing their money than anything.

All I mean is that both DH and I get on really well with my parents and we don't mind spending time with them (unlike my in laws).....you seem only to feel obliged to spend time with your mum and dad, rather than actually wanting to spend time with them, if that makes sense? But, just don't feel you owe them the whole of your Christmas, it's time to develop your own little family traditions of which your parents can be a part....just not dominate the whole show.


Just read today's diary entry....chin up old boy!

Emmala

7roland8 wrote: »

Excellent idea Molly - it does not all have to be on the one day - spread they joy a bit and little K will have three days of opening presents"

It works for us.....the kids have a table present on Christmas Eve which starts the festivities, then stockings from FC and presents from us Xmas morning, presents from my mum and dad at their house teatime, and then presents from my brothers on Boxing Day. It means that to us, Christmas is spread over three days which helps spread the excitement!! You're right, it doesn't have to be all done on one day x

AlexLK

7roland8 wrote: »

Excellent idea Molly - it does not all have to be on the one day - spread they joy a bit and little K will have three days of opening presents"

We already open a few small things on Christmas eve and have presents New Years Day but the more days opening presents the merrier for our son at the moment! Talking of which, another year older for me tomorrow.

MollyMischief wrote: »

All I mean is that both DH and I get on really well with my parents and we don't mind spending time with them (unlike my in laws).....you seem only to feel obliged to spend time with your mum and dad, rather than actually wanting to spend time with them, if that makes sense? But, just don't feel you owe them the whole of your Christmas, it's time to develop your own little family traditions of which your parents can be a part....just not dominate the whole show.

Just read today's diary entry....chin up old boy!

I see. Sometimes, you'd be right, other times not so.

Thank you, with the help of people on here we started a family tradition of the Elf which I think will hopefully create some fun memories for our son in years to come. Can't say I have many childhood happy memories that didn't involve extortionate amounts of money being spent, so I'll be quite pleased if we achieve this.

Again, thank you, things will hopefully come round.