Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

7roland8

Well as you are now the ones with a little child I would say have Christmas next year at your house with all his toys - irrespective of how big the table is! People manage.

Then either have everyone one for lunch - or just round for tea - and they either come or they don't - not your problem.

Seems much too much thought is being given to your and the other parents than is actually healthy.

LannieDuck

7roland8 wrote: »

Well as you are now the ones with a little child I would say have Christmas next year at your house with all his toys - irrespective of how big the table is! People manage.

Then either have everyone one for lunch - or just round for tea - and they either come or they don't - not your problem.

I agree. Little K is getting to an age where he might like to be at home for xmas. His tree, his presents, his toys etc. Have an 'open house' or something, where both sets of parents can drop in as they please. We're going to have to do that soon with DD1 too.

I think it's totally normal for grandparents to want to spend xmas with their grandchildren. Not a surprise that Mrs K's Dad offered to have you over for the whole day next year. Many parents of young children have to juggle that sort of request coming from both sides of the family! You have to be very carefully diplomatic :rotfl: It makes a bit of difference that they have other grandchildren, but not a lot. Doesn't mean they wouldn't love to see Little K on xmas day too.

As for the money for xmas, I would split it 50:50. Half for the debt, half for a xmas treat.

Emmala

Hi Alex.....it's been nearly a month since I lasted posted on your diary! Just had a mammoth catch-up and managed to demolish two slices of Christmas cake and two bottles of crabbies in the process!!!


Anyway, just wanted to say well done for surviving Christmas (hiccup with the in laws included!) and try to focus on the main thing, which is the experience you've given your boy - as he grows up it's the little traditions you build with YOUR family which he will remember and look back fondly on.


I missed the whole income 'thing' a couple of weeks ago but what I will say is this......to you, your income may be low, but let me remind you that nothing is a given in this life and you really must shake yourself and remind yourself just how lucky you are. Many, many people only dream of bringing home what you and Mrs K do, and actually in the scheme of things it's not much compared to many others. You certainly have tastes above your income! Anyway, my point is this.....please don't wallow and feel sorry for yourself for not having the income to which you seem to feel entitled to......you may remember that my DH was made redundant suddenly in September? Well, we went from a £60K+ income to nothing in less than an hour, and now feel very lucky that I'm bringing home £8k in a job which fits round the kids. In the meantime we still have an £800 a month mortgage to pay (I don't even earn that much!) plus the other bills etc and three kids under ten to 'fund' (lordy they eat a lot!!!) Using the 'where do you fit in?' thingy someone posted about, we've gone from the 9th bracket, to the 1st........and yes, if it can happen to us it can happen to anyone. The material stuff is just stuff, bottom line is that family is more important than anything, never lose sight of that or you will truly be a poor man.


Blimey, that was a bit deep, sorry!!!! Baby steps and all that, you are doing really well, keep going!!

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

Mrs. K.'s family have never seen our son on Christmas day before yesterday. However, they've got other grandchildren. I was not trying to make my parents the "focus" at all, they suggested we spend the day next year with them which would leave my parents alone. I thought after our son's birthday party that perhaps it could work if we all went to my parents' house and the mother-in-law cooked the dinner, it seems they did not.

I have some experience of this 'families' stuff Alex. Caring about your parents happiness is admirable but you don't seem to understand how MrsK's family might feel. The fact that they have other children and other grandchildren doesn't make up for the fact that they want to see their daughter and grandson on Christmas day. Your in-laws have probably been waiting patiently for years for their 'turn' and still you want to give your parents priority.

ETA: came back to finish my post as got distracted....

I have two grown-up DDs. The youngest always spends Christmas at home and invites her MIL and FIL. I know she does it because she's kind-hearted and feels sorry for the in-laws as otherwise they'd be alone in a very modest home. She likes to have them to stay and spoil them a bit. It's not that I don't understand but it still hurts. She assumes that just because we're comfortable and have our other DD that we don't need a 'turn'. I know my husband would love to have her and our granddaughter with us and it hurts him. I'm more cross than hurt.

AlexLK

7roland8 wrote: »

Well as you are now the ones with a little child I would say have Christmas next year at your house with all his toys - irrespective of how big the table is! People manage.

Then either have everyone one for lunch - or just round for tea - and they either come or they don't - not your problem.

Seems much too much thought is being given to your and the other parents than is actually healthy.

Roland: Thank you. There are times I wished I didn't have to think about them as much as I do!

To be honest Christmas at mine wouldn't work, we are expected to go to my parents', besides, most of his presents are there anyway.

LannieDuck wrote: »

I agree. Little K is getting to an age where he might like to be at home for xmas. His tree, his presents, his toys etc. Have an 'open house' or something, where both sets of parents can drop in as they please. We're going to have to do that soon with DD1 too.

I think it's totally normal for grandparents to want to spend xmas with their grandchildren. Not a surprise that Mrs K's Dad offered to have you over for the whole day next year. Many parents of young children have to juggle that sort of request coming from both sides of the family! You have to be very carefully diplomatic :rotfl: It makes a bit of difference that they have other grandchildren, but not a lot. Doesn't mean they wouldn't love to see Little K on xmas day too.

As for the money for xmas, I would split it 50:50. Half for the debt, half for a xmas treat.

To be honest, the in-laws don't really spend much time with their grandson. I invited them and whatever family they would like to bring for the next year but that was not good enough for them. Personally, I think my son is better off not spending lots of time around the in-laws.

Onto more pressing matters about how I'm going to spend my money ... likely not on anything exciting, unfortunately.

AlexLK

MollyMischief wrote: »

Hi Alex.....it's been nearly a month since I lasted posted on your diary! Just had a mammoth catch-up and managed to demolish two slices of Christmas cake and two bottles of crabbies in the process!!!

Anyway, just wanted to say well done for surviving Christmas (hiccup with the in laws included!) and try to focus on the main thing, which is the experience you've given your boy - as he grows up it's the little traditions you build with YOUR family which he will remember and look back fondly on.

I missed the whole income 'thing' a couple of weeks ago but what I will say is this......to you, your income may be low, but let me remind you that nothing is a given in this life and you really must shake yourself and remind yourself just how lucky you are. Many, many people only dream of bringing home what you and Mrs K do, and actually in the scheme of things it's not much compared to many others. You certainly have tastes above your income! Anyway, my point is this.....please don't wallow and feel sorry for yourself for not having the income to which you seem to feel entitled to......you may remember that my DH was made redundant suddenly in September? Well, we went from a £60K+ income to nothing in less than an hour, and now feel very lucky that I'm bringing home £8k in a job which fits round the kids. In the meantime we still have an £800 a month mortgage to pay (I don't even earn that much!) plus the other bills etc and three kids under ten to 'fund' (lordy they eat a lot!!!) Using the 'where do you fit in?' thingy someone posted about, we've gone from the 9th bracket, to the 1st........and yes, if it can happen to us it can happen to anyone. The material stuff is just stuff, bottom line is that family is more important than anything, never lose sight of that or you will truly be a poor man.

Blimey, that was a bit deep, sorry!!!! Baby steps and all that, you are doing really well, keep going!!

Hello there!

I hope you've got things in the pipeline for 2014 and good luck with the job hunt, both of you.

You gave me lots to think about, thank you and I shall try to bear this in mind when (like today) I'm rather annoyed about where I currently am in life.

maman wrote: »

I have some experience of this 'families' stuff Alex. Caring about your parents happiness is admirable but you don't seem to understand how MrsK's family might feel. The fact that they have other children and other grandchildren doesn't make up for the fact that they want to see their daughter and grandson on Christmas day. Your in-laws have probably been waiting patiently for years for their 'turn' and still you want to give your parents priority.

maman: Thank you for your response. I'm not sure I have articulated my situation particularly well, if we left my parents they'd be very much alone, they were upset we left Christmas day this year in the afternoon as we usually stay over. Also, I do not get on with the in-laws very well, nor do I see them as a good influence.

LannieDuck

AlexLK wrote: »

To be honest Christmas at mine wouldn't work, we are expected to go to my parents', besides, most of his presents are there anyway.

This is your's and Mrs K's choice (and yes, it is a choice, regardless of your parents' expectations). I would imagine xmas would be more fun at your house for Little K, but then I'm not best placed to judge that

AlexLK wrote: »

To be honest, the in-laws don't really spend much time with their grandson. I invited them and whatever family they would like to bring for the next year but that was not good enough for them. Personally, I think my son is better off not spending lots of time around the in-laws.

No... you invited them to spend xmas at your parents' house... who they don't get along with. Surely you can see why that went down like a lead-balloon?

And I imagine Mrs K might feel differently about Little K spending time with her family.

Emmala

Hi Alex, yes I can sympathise with not being happy with where you are in life! We both turn 40 next year, have a big (to us) mortgage of £192K which is on a duff interest only rate (we took this option to reduce it enough monthly to let me stay at home with the kids which for us was a priority and a decision I haven't regretted, until I think about how much we could have paid off if I'd stayed in teaching.....but no, it was the right choice for us and our family values) we still have 17 years to go......and we're in a right old pickle now! We look back and think 'why did we spend....? what did we buy that for? why didn't we.....? but we did because then, we could afford to. Now we can't!!!! BUT something will come along I hope.....I really enjoy being a TA (for now) and hopefully I can return to teaching in a couple of years when the extra money can be thrown at the mortgage. The enforced break has done DH the world of good as he's always worked, and even used to work on holidays (the rest of the world never sleeps and email is a wonderful thing/pain in the ar** delete as appropriate.......) If only we'd never moved from our first house which cost us £58K in 1999 and had a £300 a month mortgage on it........easy to be wise after the event isn't it?


For the record, I so understand the in-laws issue. Can't stand mine!!!!!! Luckily they're in the back of beyond (Norfolk) and we very conveniently moved from our first house, and put the M25 in between us and them......see??? I knew there was a reason we have the high mortgage and still years and years to pay off......I only have to think of my in laws and it's reminds me it's totally worth it!!!!! :-)

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

maman: Thank you for your response. I'm not sure I have articulated my situation particularly well, if we left my parents they'd be very much alone, they were upset we left Christmas day this year in the afternoon as we usually stay over. Also, I do not get on with the in-laws very well, nor do I see them as a good influence.

I've edited my previous post now Alex so hope you can see that I do understand how you feel about your parents. I just don't think it's fair that your wishes for pleasing them should take priority every year for reasons I've explained. You may not like the in-laws but they are still MrsK's parents and unless she feels the same as you about them then a bit more give and take is needed.

Sorry to be so grumpy at Christmas but my DD is visiting tomorrow for lunch and I feel we're just being fitted in as an after-thought. I even suspect she may be calling here, as it's convenient, when she drops off the in-laws after their visit. So it's all a bit raw!;)

AlexLK

LannieDuck wrote: »

This is your's and Mrs K's choice (and yes, it is a choice, regardless of your parents' expectations). I would imagine xmas would be more fun at your house for Little K, but then I'm not best placed to judge that

No... you invited them to spend xmas at your parents' house... who they don't get along with. Surely you can see why that went down like a lead-balloon?

And I imagine Mrs K might feel differently about Little K spending time with her family.

Lannie: You are right about it being a choice.

Yes, I can. However, I'm sure they'd get on with my parents if they stopped being jealous. Can't say I'm in the best of moods after being told I should apologise to the father-in-law, despite him not calling to apologise to me.

Mrs. K. is the reason my son and I went there in the afternoon this year.

MollyMischief wrote: »

Hi Alex, yes I can sympathise with not being happy with where you are in life! We both turn 40 next year, have a big (to us) mortgage of £192K which is on a duff interest only rate (we took this option to reduce it enough monthly to let me stay at home with the kids which for us was a priority and a decision I haven't regretted, until I think about how much we could have paid off if I'd stayed in teaching.....but no, it was the right choice for us and our family values) we still have 17 years to go......and we're in a right old pickle now! We look back and think 'why did we spend....? what did we buy that for? why didn't we.....? but we did because then, we could afford to. Now we can't!!!! BUT something will come along I hope.....I really enjoy being a TA (for now) and hopefully I can return to teaching in a couple of years when the extra money can be thrown at the mortgage. The enforced break has done DH the world of good as he's always worked, and even used to work on holidays (the rest of the world never sleeps and email is a wonderful thing/pain in the ar** delete as appropriate.......) If only we'd never moved from our first house which cost us £58K in 1999 and had a £300 a month mortgage on it........easy to be wise after the event isn't it?

For the record, I so understand the in-laws issue. Can't stand mine!!!!!! Luckily they're in the back of beyond (Norfolk) and we very conveniently moved from our first house, and put the M25 in between us and them......see??? I knew there was a reason we have the high mortgage and still years and years to pay off......I only have to think of my in laws and it's reminds me it's totally worth it!!!!! :-)

Molly: It does sound as if you are in a bit of a pickle. Not sure why you are in a TA role when you are (I presume) a fully qualified teacher? Still, hindsight is a wonderful thing, plenty of things I would not have done in the past had I been able to predict my future. Can I go back to 1998, please and put it all right?

:rotfl: Things are not quite that bad between the in-laws and I!

maman wrote: »

I've edited my previous post now Alex so hope you can see that I do understand how you feel about your parents. I just don't think it's fair that your wishes for pleasing them should take priority every year for reasons I've explained. You may not like the in-laws but they are still MrsK's parents and unless she feels the same as you about them then a bit more give and take is needed.

Sorry to be so grumpy at Christmas but my DD is visiting tomorrow for lunch and I feel we're just being fitted in as an after-thought. I even suspect she may be calling here, as it's convenient, when she drops off the in-laws after their visit. So it's all a bit raw!;)

maman: I've read your other post and understand a little more, sorry to hear about your situation, perhaps it's worth a chat with your daughter?