Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

slowlyfading

AlexLK wrote: »

My wife and I have lived on less, so know what it's like. When our son was born, for the first six months we only had her maternity pay (admittedly my parents paid our mortgage and council tax), then until October this year she was part time - we had £2,750 per month to live on including paying our mortgage.

But, can you imagine what it's like to be able to ask your parents to pay your mortgage and council tax while you struggle with a new born? You also say it like £2,750 is nothing to live on - again, LOTS of families manage on fair less. Ours included.

What frustrates me most about reading your posts is that, sometimes, you really don't have a clue. You either need to a) change your mindset about a "privileged" lifestyle and accept that you already have a nice, middle/upper class income and could have a very comfortable lifestyle with what you already earn or b) realise your dream of having the huge house/cars/whatever, pay off the debt first(which you can do, if you'd let go of some of the "status" possessions you have!) and then you can set about getting there.

You need to stop complaining about what you don't have/can't afford/can't be bothered to really work for, and look at what you do have - which is a lot more than a lot of people.

Sorry to be harsh, but the post about the watch annoyed me, about how you were regretting selling it. How many watches do you own? You can only wear one at once, right? How many do you need? They all do the same thing; it's only a watch, after all. You need to ask yourself why you have such an attachment to material possessions, and why how other people's view of you matters so much, in relation to the so-called status of your life. Surely, if you can be happy in your family unit, nothing else matters?

Just saying.

7roland8

Yep I always have just one watch at a time - and they are cheap ones picked up from the Avon cataloge - but it doesn't bother me that I'm not wearing a gold one.

7roland8

Saw this a few days back:
What you impress people by is what you are impressed by in other people. If you are impressed by kindness and generosity, that means those things are in you and you believe they are important.
Those who are impressed by displays of status, power, flash, or waving money around don't yet see the value in the qualities those actions show are lacking in that person...humility and gratitude.
If a person doesn't value your good qualities, it doesn't mean they're not important. They're just not important to that person, and probably not present in them because of that.
-Doe Zantamata
www.!!!!!!!.com/karma01

Goldiegirl

Oh gosh Alex, you do boggle the mind sometimes.

At 10.28, today you said your and your wife live on a relatively low income......but a bit later you said you have £3800 per month coming in to the house.

That is not a low income by any stretch of the imagination.

Get those debts sorted out, and you could have a very nice lifestyle. Cut your cloth, and live within your means. You aspire to a life which your income will not support - but the life you can afford is potentially fabulous and most people would be completely content on £3800 per month.

AlexLK

EchoDelta wrote: »

Haha love the Gollum image! :rotfl:

You can have such a great lifestyle on £3800 per month! You're doing so well, all those fun things with Little K, the elf, the party, the nature walks. That's the stuff of a great lifestyle, not stuff in the garage.

Don't know if you have ever seen this :-

http://www.ifs.org.uk/wheredoyoufitin/

Shows you where you are financially speaking compared to the rest of the country.

I'm not in a good place at the moment but yes, over these past couple of months times have been good (as well as being cheap)! Thank you for reminding me of the good things in life which can be free.

Just done the ifs thing, it reads rather well. However, I do wonder how many on lower incomes are on some kind of tax scam.

theoretica wrote: »

I think the point was living on less and staying within your means withoutrunning up credit card bills.

I think you would get a lot less flack if you acknowledged to yourself, and here, that what you really want is a well off/high income lifestyle and stopped miscalling your well above average current income and normal mortgage/fixed outgoings.

I don't really know what I want; well, I do but would rather not admit it.

slowlyfading wrote: »

But, can you imagine what it's like to be able to ask your parents to pay your mortgage and council tax while you struggle with a new born? You also say it like £2,750 is nothing to live on - again, LOTS of families manage on fair less. Ours included.

What frustrates me most about reading your posts is that, sometimes, you really don't have a clue. You either need to a) change your mindset about a "privileged" lifestyle and accept that you already have a nice, middle/upper class income and could have a very comfortable lifestyle with what you already earn or b) realise your dream of having the huge house/cars/whatever, pay off the debt first(which you can do, if you'd let go of some of the "status" possessions you have!) and then you can set about getting there.

You need to stop complaining about what you don't have/can't afford/can't be bothered to really work for, and look at what you do have - which is a lot more than a lot of people.

Sorry to be harsh, but the post about the watch annoyed me, about how you were regretting selling it. How many watches do you own? You can only wear one at once, right? How many do you need? They all do the same thing; it's only a watch, after all. You need to ask yourself why you have such an attachment to material possessions, and why how other people's view of you matters so much, in relation to the so-called status of your life. Surely, if you can be happy in your family unit, nothing else matters?

Just saying.

Yes I can imagine what it's like because I was the one who had to ask, considering I was the one earning nothing. Luckily, I didn't go out of the house much then so no real danger of spending.

We struggled terribly on £2750 but we have a mortgage of just over £700 to start with. When we bought the house we were earning close to twice that amount, so was not a stretch then. It was meant to be a starter house, something we could move out of and upgrade to somewhere better within a couple of years, well that didn't happen.

As for my attachment to material possessions, I've had a miserable life, nobody has ever wanted me and I'm a failure, so there you go. I buy things because I'm not good enough.

AlexLK

7roland8 wrote: »

Yep I always have just one watch at a time - and they are cheap ones picked up from the Avon cataloge - but it doesn't bother me that I'm not wearing a gold one.

7roland8 wrote: »

Saw this a few days back:
What you impress people by is what you are impressed by in other people. If you are impressed by kindness and generosity, that means those things are in you and you believe they are important.
Those who are impressed by displays of status, power, flash, or waving money around don't yet see the value in the qualities those actions show are lacking in that person...humility and gratitude.
If a person doesn't value your good qualities, it doesn't mean they're not important. They're just not important to that person, and probably not present in them because of that.
-Doe Zantamata
www.!!!!!!!.com/karma01

I already know I'm a bad person.

Goldiegirl wrote: »

Oh gosh Alex, you do boggle the mind sometimes.

At 10.28, today you said your and your wife live on a relatively low income......but a bit later you said you have £3800 per month coming in to the house.

That is not a low income by any stretch of the imagination.

Get those debts sorted out, and you could have a very nice lifestyle. Cut your cloth, and live within your means. You aspire to a life which your income will not support - but the life you can afford is potentially fabulous and most people would be completely content on £3800 per month.

Thank you, this is what I've got to try and do.

AlexLK

Sunday 8th December, 2013.
Days 98 (Saturday) and 99 (Today).

Dear Diary,

I am finding this journey incredibly difficult as of late and am not sure whether or not I will be able to carry on. Just a few weeks ago I was fine and looking forward to not only becoming debt free but to a new challenge, now just getting through to tomorrow without spending a lot of money or falling out with somebody seems to take all my energy.

Summary:
-£50.00 Groceries.
-£50.00 Diesel - LR.
-£80.00 Christmas gifts (to come from Christmas budget).
I have also bought a surprise gift for my wife for Christmas but do not wish to disclose the amount.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

mrsscattercushion

Alex, will come out of lurker mode, as have read virtually all this diary today....just as an outsider your life appears a real rollercoaster of emotions/thoughts/trying to be what other people feel you should be....you are not a bad person, with a bad lifestyle and you are not a failure....however, you do have some "vitality vampires" around you, like your mother, who do their best to reinforce these messages to you, which are easy to buy into.

Your income...it all depends what you are comparing to whether you think you are on "a relatively low income" or "poverty"...remember though that your parents have said themselves they weren't any better off than you are now when they were younger....so they cannot be in much of a position to judge ;-) ...compared to some, that isn't a vast amount of money....compared to probably the majority of people on here, that is a lot...many a SOA I see on here are for people with incomes, joint or singular, under £1500 a month, with similar outcomings/normal expenditure to you....

Comments about people on a low income on a tax scam are also not going to win you many friends though, so I would think about how you may come across...

You have done amazing...when my DH had his "lightbulb moment" at £20K of debt, it has taken us nearly 6 years to get to the point he (and we) are debt-free, aside from out mortgage ~ you've done most of that within less than 6 months ~ so that doesn't make you a failure

I'm glad you are in counselling and would urge you to use it to the full advantage as you do have so much positive and worthwhile going for you and around you, yet you are obviously struggling to see this some days ~ if you are going to judge yourself by your "possessions", think about this:-
* you have a home over your head (not just a "house", it is where your family live now, so whatever it is or looks like, it is yours and a place where memories can be made)
* you own 4 cars ~ not so much of a "failure" that you can afford to have and run these
* you have a range of talents ~ restoring furniture, music etc ~ all things that not only can earn you some money but can give you and others pleasure from this, either by the gift of teaching someone else, or the enjoyment that becoming lost in a piece of music can give....
*your DS sounds delightful and doing so well

You have much going on for you ~ if I may, I'd also suggest listening to your dad a bit more, as he obviously is more positive about what you are doing and what you are trying to achieve, unfortunately in my line of work, I see the damage a poor mother relationship can do from one that sounds quite cold and critical rather than emotionally supportive ~ makes me wonder what she herself is so frightened of, but that is another matter....

Happiness and success doesn't have to be equated to things, objects, having wealth etc ~ it is those special times with your family, the wonderful times you describe with your son...you can have all those things and on that income, have the potential to have many of the "material" things you wish too...it is all about balance and deciding, for yourself, where your priorities lie and what gives you the most happiness

I wish you well on the journey...you've made massive progress, think, you can paid everything off and be on the road to your new journey within a few months.....not the 6 years of slog we've had ;-) it is worth biting the bullet for a short time to get the end goal....now go and set yourself the ones that will work best for you, not what others think you should have....

slowlyfading

AlexLK wrote: »

Yes I can imagine what it's like because I was the one who had to ask, considering I was the one earning nothing. Luckily, I didn't go out of the house much then so no real danger of spending.

I meant more that you have parents in the position that they can do that for you, and are willing to - not the sign of a couple who don't care about you

We struggled terribly on £2750 but we have a mortgage of just over £700 to start with. When we bought the house we were earning close to twice that amount, so was not a stretch then. It was meant to be a starter house, something we could move out of and upgrade to somewhere better within a couple of years, well that didn't happen.

If you really did struggle terribly, then you need to ask yourself why. Our mortgage is £620, our joint income is less than the figure you posted, yet we manage and always have left over to save/overpay our mortgage. You need to look at where your money goes (I'm sure you know this already) and if buying all the things you own have really made you any happier.

As for my attachment to material possessions, I've had a miserable life, nobody has ever wanted me and I'm a failure, so there you go. I buy things because I'm not good enough.

Your parents don't want you? Really? Miserable life? Really? I don't understand why you think you're a failure; you have a lovely little boy for a start, who will worship the ground you walk on. You have your own house, your cars, etc., and all these things are not in the hands of someone who has failed at life. Does buying things make you feel better in the long run? Honestly? You are good enough, you just need to start looking at what you do have, not what you don't.

Keep plodding, the sense of achievement you will feel when you are debt free will be amazing.

maddiemay

Alex, there are things that I could say to encourage you and things I could chastise you for, but others have done so, probably more eloquently.

So .........., tomorrow is another day and the start of another week, dust yourself off, mentally run through ALL the things that you have achieved since you signed up here and start afresh.

Most of your problems seem to be a result of your lack of value of yourself as a person, a husband, a father etc., but you have had 30 something years of this type of thought and it is unrealistic for you or anyone else to expect this to change overnight. Just keep plodding in the right direction and try to occupy your mind with anything other than material possessions they are NOT the answer, whatever your inner demon tells you. Read, research and learn new musical pieces, do crosswords or Sudoku, the only way in my experience to banish destructive thoughts is to keep your mind and body occupied with other things. Good luck.