Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

heartbreak_star

I can't say I've had an issue budgeting in December - it's the same as every other month except my "Christmas Presents" fund gets depleted

HBS x

maman

I know I said I only plan to lurk on your thread but it's so hard to :silenced: sometimes.

AlexLK wrote: »

I was not being rude, nor "snobbish"; I merely like to have things of good quality which lasts a lifetime. Whilst, quality does not have to come at an expensive price, it usually does.

Sometimes we have to give into our desires whether they are an actual "need" or not in my opinion.

That's a very 'old money' attitude Alex, BUT much of your other spending seems more 'nouveau' to me. What old money does is buy quality, timeless clothes, for example, and wear them until they're falling to pieces. They don't go out and buy new winter gloves because they can't find the others or they fancy a new pair.


I understand how you like your collectibles though. My DH is really into antiquarian maps. Our home is full of them, we could do with more walls! Nobody actually needs an old map do they?? He just loves looking at them. The difference is he'd never dream of spending money he didn't have on one.

AlexLK wrote: »

My wife wants us to renew our vows when she is 40.

That's a good sign. Only recently you were implying that you had to give in to her profligate ways or she'd leave you.;)


On that note, I've never really understood whether you got into all this debt all by yourself and that's why you are bearing the brunt of the debt-busting. Did it all come from your personal spending or shared?

heartbreak_star

maman wrote: »

That's a very 'old money' attitude Alex, BUT much of your other spending seems more 'nouveau' to me. What old money does is buy quality, timeless clothes, for example, and wear them until they're falling to pieces. They don't go out and buy new winter gloves because they can't find the others or they fancy a new pair.

This is spot on. I think Lady Sybil Vimes (nee Ramkin) has been mentioned in this thread, and this will always be one of my favourite Terry Pratchett quotes:

"Women who were merely well-off saved up and bought dresses made of silk edged with lace and pearls, but Lady Ramkin was so rich she could afford to stomp around the place in rubber boots and a tweed skirt that had belonged to her mother. "

Actually, on that note Alex, have you ever read Pratchett? I think you'd like his work with your sense of humour

HBS x

EchoDelta

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I can't say I've had an issue budgeting in December - it's the same as every other month except my "Christmas Presents" fund gets depleted

HBS x

Haha fair point! It's the extra socialising that gets me. Maybe I should have a specific "social fund" account. Given me something to ponder!

littlegreenparrot

I find it interesting that you still seem to define yourself, others, and your relationships by things. Having expensive stuff does not make someone good or bad, giving expensive gifts does not mean you love someone more.

You are without a doubt making great progress, but it would be worth thinking about this attitude and where it comes from.

For example next week I'm taking my parents out for a pizza, and to the cinema to watch a live broadcast of The Nutcracker for their christmas present. For under £60 they get a lovely evening out, doing something they would not otherwise do. I could spend much more money on stuff, but it would mean a lot less.

slowlyfading

AlexLK wrote: »

Are you a school music teacher? If so, I'd be very interested to hear your views on a few things.

I am - not much to say apart from we battle again other teachers/parents/students every day to try and get more students learning instruments.

AlexLK

Well, today has been quite awful: had no sleep last night, parents to deal with today and work.

mum2one: Thank you, no danger of us still eating turkey on New Years Eve as that is my parents' problem.

roland: Thank you for the tips, I shall take a look.

HBS: That is how is should be for us - we don't even go out much but I do seem to easily spend money at the lamest of excuses. Currently feeling a bit guilty about yesterday and today.

maman: I understand the difference between "old money" and "new money" rather well, my parents are as nouveau as they come. Unfortunately, I fall into the category of "no money" so really shouldn't have to worry about such things.

No, nobody "needs" an old map! As for me spending money I don't have I'm not sure I'm ever going to quite manage to not often spend beyond my miserly means.

In regard to my wife and I, that was something she said a long time ago. She and I are not on the best of terms this evening.

littlegreenparrot: Where have I defined anybody by things?

slowlyfading: Thank you.

Madmel

Hi Alex

Another lurker & first time poster. However, I am a music teacher in a secondary school so I can answer your questions about provision.

At the moment, there is something called Wider Opportunities where primary kids get a class set of instruments and all learn something together. This sounds commendable, but in reality, its success depends on the teacher and choice of instrument. Kids are not able to take instruments home to practise which in my eyes defeats the object. As an example, my older daughter's class learned the flute when she was 9. She was already a proficient cellist (grade 4/5) and after two lessons of her being bored witless, I asked if she could do theory instead which I would set for her or her own practice. Her class teacher was great about it and it worked for her. Nobody from the class went on to study flute. Then in year 6 they did samba drumming and she loved that. My younger daughter did ukulele and also did a term of using GarageBand as a composing tool on Macs. This has given her a huge advantage at secondary school.

I do some outreach work in primary schools in my learning community. One has the most amazing provision as their music teacher is an excellent violinist who has some Kodaly training. She teaches Wider Ops viola and cello and has the most fantastic school orchestra. Sadly, that is very much the exception here due to the cost of lessons and the squeeze on both school and household budgets.

My girls are now 14 and 12. When they were very small they always came with us to orchestra rehearsals and there was never any doubt that they would learn an instrument. DD1 asked for a cello from the age of 3, and at 4 I gave in. She has been learning for 10 years and plays in various groups including the local symphony orchestra with me & her dad. She could have taken grade 8 this year but as she is taking her GCSEs a year early, has decided to wait until next Christmas. She is also a good saxophonist and is taking grade 7 next term [she started this 3 years ago!] She sings in the school choir, plays in the orchestra and jazz band, and doubles up as an occasional bass player [my instrument]. DD2 has learned violin since the age of 4. She is a better musician but bone idle! She is around grade 5 standard, has dabbled with piano and singing and got a merit in grade 1 French Horn on one term's lessons and minimal practice.

Have you thought about giving your DS some piano lessons if he likes playing it? Alternatively, as you are a decent violinist yourself, what about a 1/16 violin? I must admit that other than DD1's 3 bass lessons, I have sent them to specialist teachers so they would take it seriously.

We have not had many fancy holidays or meals out because we chose to pay for the music & dance lessons, but that was our choice. It is very pleasing though when the older girl comes back with £30 from playing for a wedding in a quartet or £20 from busking.

Feel free to ask about music teaching as I'm always glad to help. Oh finally, ABRSM is not necessarily the best provider of music exams - their aural tests played only on the piano severely disadvantage non-pianists. Trinity Guildhall has come a long way in the last few years and is generally regarded as at least ABRSM's equal now.

AlexLK

Madmel: Thank you for such an informative response. As with anything, music moves on a lot in the ten or so years since I finished my Masters course and even that was perhaps more based in the field of philosophy rather than music really. The only school music I have been involved in was that of my own schools when I was a child, so it is interesting to see how things are done these days.

With regards to my son, he has only just turned 3 and can play a couple of very simple pieces on the piano. I plan to start him on both piano and violin within the next six months but we will be going very slowly. However, I will transfer him to the piano and violin teachers at school when he starts as I think that would benefit him in the long term. For now, I'd rather it be a fun activity.

AlexLK

Friday 6th December, 2013.
Day 97.

Dear Diary,

I think today has been one of my worst in a while, the only positive being a possible order to make up for the two lost ones. However, last night I got no sleep and first thing this morning I ended up getting caught in the middle of an argument between my parents, so not exactly a dream start to the day.

Again, it's been a spend day, yet unlike yesterday I'm feeling somewhat guilty as none of it was for the benefit of others. Mrs. K. was not pleased.

Summary:
-£75.00 Old Mahogany Music Stand.
-£140.00 Triumph - Carpet Set.
-£9.50 Lunch.
-£30.00 Groceries.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.