Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

wegle

AlexLK wrote: »

As for me, I don't have any qualifications in furniture restoration or teaching and am mainly "self taught".

I've never understood the need for qualifications to be considered good at something. Hussain Bolt runs the fastest 100m in the world c.9s. I doubt he has a qualification in sports or sprinting. Does this mean he is considered of lesser talent than a chap who has a sports science degree but can only run the 100m in 15s?

Surely the quality of your work is what counts not who taught you how to do it. Or is this the real issue? You have a desire to portray a certain image which would include being what you consider "appropriately trained". Sorry if I'm off the mark there, it just occurs as a possibility due to your desire to portray yourself a certain way in other parts of your life.

Sorry I'm only picking up on this point. I've been very busy in real life so have not had the chance to stay on track with your diary. I'll try harder this week I promise!! :rotfl:

VJsmum

I am not sure how much it helps to say "look at others who are worse off", if someone else has a broken leg, it doesn't make your sprained ankle hurt less.

Alex - you seem to have this perception of yourself as "failure", but there is a long way between "failing something(s)" and "being a failure". What is a failure anyway? I failed my A levels once, I failed a year of my degree, I failed my driving test a couple of times, my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I felt they were all failings to some extent (I now teach on that degree course I failed, I have a masters with distinction, I eventually passed my driving test and I now have 2 children). My dad was a lorry driver, my mum a barmaid - does that make me a failure? (my mum was the most intelligent person I knew, but family circumstances meant she was not able to continue in education).

I know you have been attacked here for your views on others, but I think it is all about self esteem "at least I am better than them" - not about putting others down but making you feel better about yourself?

Her family are right, no court in this land would give me custody of a child.

Hmm, I am not so sure - would your wife want custody? I think there might be a bit of gaslighting going on here.

Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory, perception and sanity

i.e. if you hear a lie enough then you start thinking it is the truth "they say I am useless, therefore I must be useless, and I have been useless before so I am useless now" - self fulfilling prophecy.

7roland8

Yes you are definitely the 'hand on' parent Alex - and if wife was to have custody how would she manage with work?

You and your parents seem to be the ones spending time with him.

I gave up work to bring up our two sons but never regarded it as less of a job - was much harder in fact and longer hours!

Just because I wasn't bringing in money didn't mean I wasn't contributing to the family unit.

LR did mention CRB checks though which had crossed my mind a while ago but not sure how it works. You need to safeguard yourself if you are teaching one to one.

gallygirl

Alex, upper class people don't have proper jobs. They dabble....... pretty much as you are. So you're living the dream Alex, living the dream .

lostinrates

VJsmum wrote: »

I am not sure how much it helps to say "look at others who are worse off", if someone else has a broken leg, it doesn't make your sprained ankle hurt less.

We are all different of course,
But counting my blessings and pitting them against my woes is what keeps me fighting back. Its tremendously powerful to catch oneself up.

Btw, we most of us make these 'faux pas'. I am far from perfect and resents some what the way I live, but I get on with it, because what's the choice? I also think there is a huge difference between recognising difference in people and aspirations and values and thinking of people as better or worse because of those differences.

Iwillsucceed_2

Hello all! :-)

I truly, and deeply liked Lostinrate's last comment!!!
People are unique and complex! We meant to stand apart due to our differences.... those differences does not make us better or worse just different! X

Iwillsucceed_2

Hello Alex!
Working as a self-employed it can feel very isolated, there appears that there is time to contemplate and regurgitate in many aspects of our lives. To analyse, to be self critical of oneself etc. Thus creating frustration, anger and resentment? As a result one thinks is useless, worthless, waste of time, not a good husband nor a good father or at least starts to distrust on who they are. I don't think it helps the fact that you appear to be surrounded by people (mother, brother in-law) who do no waste time to put you down. Gosh! They have conditioned you so much till they have made you distrust on who you are. I sometimes wonder whether your mum has a lot to do with regards to your self-steen which contributed to the past sad event in your life in the first place. When people make you feel 'worthless' no matter who they are, they can push you to the edge! You might feel, 'they might be better without you'.
What will happen if your mother was leaving all of their portfolio of BTLs to a charity and your wife decides to leave you? Would you drawn in a glass of water? Who are you without any money? Money is not everything! You need to feel worth independently of how much money you might had, have or will have.

Have a lovely day.

AlexLK

lostinrates wrote: »

As are a lot of people making a living selling furniture restoration. Certainly not learning with the benefit of a cabinet maker's advice.

As for teaching, please tell me if you are teaching a child you have been crb checked? DH used to teach and like many music teachers he had not teaching qualification just his post grad stuff. I was a musician and never taught music but have a teaching qual for something else. I deliberately don't get a crb check so I cannot be roped in to teaching minors.....:rotfl: (I am presume lint crb checks are still requisite. )

I have received some training but have no paper qualifications in any craft occupation.

I do have qualifications in music (up to and including a MA). However, I have no qualifications in education (PGCE, MEd etc.) and no experience teaching in schools. I do not have a criminal record and to teach privately do not have to have a CRB disclosure - pupils come to my house and apart from one, their parents sit in on the lessons.

What instrument(s) did your husband teach?

wegle wrote: »

I've never understood the need for qualifications to be considered good at something. Hussain Bolt runs the fastest 100m in the world c.9s. I doubt he has a qualification in sports or sprinting. Does this mean he is considered of lesser talent than a chap who has a sports science degree but can only run the 100m in 15s?

Surely the quality of your work is what counts not who taught you how to do it. Or is this the real issue? You have a desire to portray a certain image which would include being what you consider "appropriately trained". Sorry if I'm off the mark there, it just occurs as a possibility due to your desire to portray yourself a certain way in other parts of your life.

Sorry I'm only picking up on this point. I've been very busy in real life so have not had the chance to stay on track with your diary. I'll try harder this week I promise!! :rotfl:

Well hello, wegle!

I suppose I was the sad act that enjoyed collecting certificates. That I there are times I worry I am a fraud due to not having a certificate in the area I make most of my money.

VJsmum wrote: »

I am not sure how much it helps to say "look at others who are worse off", if someone else has a broken leg, it doesn't make your sprained ankle hurt less.

Alex - you seem to have this perception of yourself as "failure", but there is a long way between "failing something(s)" and "being a failure". What is a failure anyway? I failed my A levels once, I failed a year of my degree, I failed my driving test a couple of times, my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I felt they were all failings to some extent (I now teach on that degree course I failed, I have a masters with distinction, I eventually passed my driving test and I now have 2 children). My dad was a lorry driver, my mum a barmaid - does that make me a failure? (my mum was the most intelligent person I knew, but family circumstances meant she was not able to continue in education).

I know you have been attacked here for your views on others, but I think it is all about self esteem "at least I am better than them" - not about putting others down but making you feel better about yourself?

Hmm, I am not so sure - would your wife want custody? I think there might be a bit of gaslighting going on here.


i.e. if you hear a lie enough then you start thinking it is the truth "they say I am useless, therefore I must be useless, and I have been useless before so I am useless now" - self fulfilling prophecy.

You are most likely right about where my comments about others stem from and the self fulfilling prophecies.

As for my wife, she'd want to see our son if we were to split up, I've no doubt about that.

AlexLK

7roland8 wrote: »

Yes you are definitely the 'hand on' parent Alex - and if wife was to have custody how would she manage with work?

You and your parents seem to be the ones spending time with him.

I gave up work to bring up our two sons but never regarded it as less of a job - was much harder in fact and longer hours!

Just because I wasn't bringing in money didn't mean I wasn't contributing to the family unit.

LR did mention CRB checks though which had crossed my mind a while ago but not sure how it works. You need to safeguard yourself if you are teaching one to one.

She'd probably bring him to me, :rotfl:. My parents have actually been really good with him in a way I never quite expected.

I don't suppose I've seen it that way in regards to whatever contribution it is that I make to my family unit, thank you Roland.

Think I've answered your question about the CRB in my above reply.

gallygirl wrote: »

Alex, upper class people don't have proper jobs. They dabble....... pretty much as you are. So you're living the dream Alex, living the dream .

:rotfl: I'm aware of that re. work. However, my big house and fortune seems to be somewhere else.

lostinrates wrote: »

We are all different of course,
But counting my blessings and pitting them against my woes is what keeps me fighting back. Its tremendously powerful to catch oneself up.

Btw, we most of us make these 'faux pas'. I am far from perfect and resents some what the way I live, but I get on with it, because what's the choice? I also think there is a huge difference between recognising difference in people and aspirations and values and thinking of people as better or worse because of those differences.

Thank you for thoughts for my consideration.

AlexLK

Iwillsucceed wrote: »

Hello all! :-)

I truly, and deeply liked Lostinrate's last comment!!!
People are unique and complex! We meant to stand apart due to our differences.... those differences does not make us better or worse just different! X

Iwillsucceed wrote: »

Hello Alex!
Working as a self-employed it can feel very isolated, there appears that there is time to contemplate and regurgitate in many aspects of our lives. To analyse, to be self critical of oneself etc. Thus creating frustration, anger and resentment? As a result one thinks is useless, worthless, waste of time, not a good husband nor a good father or at least starts to distrust on who they are. I don't think it helps the fact that you appear to be surrounded by people (mother, brother in-law) who do no waste time to put you down. Gosh! They have conditioned you so much till they have made you distrust on who you are. I sometimes wonder whether your mum has a lot to do with regards to your self-steen which contributed to the past sad event in your life in the first place. When people make you feel 'worthless' no matter who they are, they can push you to the edge! You might feel, 'they might be better without you'.
What will happen if your mother was leaving all of their portfolio of BTLs to a charity and your wife decides to leave you? Would you drawn in a glass of water? Who are you without any money? Money is not everything! You need to feel worth independently of how much money you might had, have or will have.

Have a lovely day.

Thank you, yes I can relate to this. However, your questions are far too difficult for me to answer at this moment in time.

Fortunately, I've had a rather good day and also tried to look forward a little instead of constantly looking back and regretting. Business is going well, that's got to be a positive.