Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

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I'm losing my temper a little now. LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE. Then try and put into words WHY you "are a failure", in your own mind.

Think about how many people would love to have a healthy child, and/or be able to do what they love as a job (me, for the latter).

I'm starting to agree with LIR - go private with your mental health treatment if you can.

*harsh hat off*

HBS x

kerri_dfw

I fail to see how you are a failure, however I also don't have much capacity for stroking people's egos. I suggest if you feel you are a failure, then go and look at some of the diaries of the people that are truly struggling to help you realise how fortunate you are. You are providing meals for your son and not having to worry where the money for that food is coming from. You have a roof over your family's head and not worrying that it'll be taken from underneath you. You have clothes on your backs that don't have holes in. What more does anyone need?

AlexLK

HBS / Kerri:

I would be the one "truly struggling" if it weren't for my wife, whilst I could afford to take more out of the business as wages, I could not afford to take out £3,000 per month and our mortgage alone is £700. This is the same wife that threatens to leave me despite me becoming such a "doormat" as of recent years letting her do whatever she wants. I don't want to be pathetic, though I have to be or she would leave.

Yes, I love what I do work wise but I don't have the greatest paying job in the world and shall never build my own little "empire" in business. However, I cannot go out and find myself a "proper job" because I simply can't cope with it. Do you have any clue just how humiliating that is to admit? Without her I'd have nothing and let's face it, I would also have to settle for seeing my son a couple of days a week, if that, despite always being there for him. Her family are right, no court in this land would give me custody of a child.

Mara_uk7

Alex, you are not a failure. You have "failed" several times in the past financially. That was then, this is now.

Put it behind you and man up and get on with this journey of yours.

You have a wife & son who love you, You have the wherewithal to clear your debt, You are in the fortunate position of having wealthy parents who will someday pass their empire to you .

In the meantime, Man up, Pay what you owe, That money in the savings pot is not yours to spend, It belongs to the people you owe money to.

What will also mark you as a failure is if you clear this debt and build up a whole new one. Dont let that happen to you Alex. You are a genuinely good man, albeit with some very naive ideas.

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What Mara said

HBS x

kerri_dfw

Alex that does not make you a failure. For the past year my OH has been a student and I have paid our way, that does not make him a failure. From March I will be on SMP whilst on maternity leave, I will be completely reliant on my OH to pay the way, that does not make me a failure.

Have you done a SOA for that £3000 sorry if you have I haven't looked that far back in your diary? We pay £875 in rent and yet the total for all our bills is £1600 then spending money on top.

lostinrates

AlexLK wrote: »

HBS / Kerri:

I would be the one "truly struggling" if it weren't for my wife, whilst I could afford to take more out of the business as wages, I could not afford to take out £3,000 per month and our mortgage alone is £700. This is the same wife that threatens to leave me despite me becoming such a "doormat" as of recent years letting her do whatever she wants. I don't want to be pathetic, though I have to be or she would leave.

Yes, I love what I do work wise but I don't have the greatest paying job in the world and shall never build my own little "empire" in business. However, I cannot go out and find myself a "proper job" because I simply can't cope with it. Do you have any clue just how humiliating that is to admit? Without her I'd have nothing and let's face it, I would also have to settle for seeing my son a couple of days a week, if that, despite always being there for him. Her family are right, no court in this land would give me custody of a child.

'Proper job'. There you go again, demeaning roles again Alex. What's wrong with doing what you do? Are the other MSE'ers who work in furniture restoration beneath you? Are craftsmen beneath you? Part time teachers?


What you do and are now is not what you have to do and be tomorrow.

I never stroke egos, its not in my nature, but I don't like being cruel either. if it makes you feel better there is a lot i could pick up on that i am not . There are only so many ways one can say that if you are 'for real' you need to radically change outlook and that might mean you need help help. Doesn't necessarily mind you, but while you keep fighting the line you are resistant to change nothing WILL change. You want contentment? Then why fight for things that will lead to discontent?

If I were your wife I'd be taking control too, (but desperate for an equal partner I could trust with my emotions as much as life decisions. She has to survive emotionally too.


Hope you have a good day Alex. .


Have you thought about leading some restoration classes? In the way adult education doesn't support round my way doesn't support much any more? People bring a chair/sofa whatever and work on it under guidance over a term length? Do you have the skills to support them with that?

LannieDuck

AlexLK wrote: »

HBS / Kerri:

I would be the one "truly struggling" if it weren't for my wife, whilst I could afford to take more out of the business as wages, I could not afford to take out £3,000 per month and our mortgage alone is £700. This is the same wife that threatens to leave me despite me becoming such a "doormat" as of recent years letting her do whatever she wants. I don't want to be pathetic, though I have to be or she would leave.

Yes, I love what I do work wise but I don't have the greatest paying job in the world and shall never build my own little "empire" in business. However, I cannot go out and find myself a "proper job" because I simply can't cope with it. Do you have any clue just how humiliating that is to admit? Without her I'd have nothing and let's face it, I would also have to settle for seeing my son a couple of days a week, if that, despite always being there for him. Her family are right, no court in this land would give me custody of a child.

In no way would you be 'truly struggling'. If your wife left, you'd have to start taking more out of the business (perhaps £2k a month? that's an annual salary of £24k - not bad at all). You'd have to drop your standard of living, but you do have quite a high standard at the moment.

You wouldn't even be living on a minimum wage income. Do a google for 'a girl called Jack' who blogs about making ends meet for herself and her child on benefits. (This is an overview of where she was last year: http://agirlcalledjack.com/2012/07/30/hunger-hurts/)

Don't assume your wife would get sole custody. You do more of the childcare than she does.. and from what you've said in the past she may not even want to have sole custody - you sound more paternal than she is maternal. I think you'd be heading for joint custody at the least.

AlexLK

Thank you, I have to be getting on with some work now but will have a think about this.

Lostinrates: I actually have A LOT of respect for proper craftsmen and teachers. As for me, I don't have any qualifications in furniture restoration or teaching and am mainly "self taught".

lostinrates

AlexLK wrote: »

Thank you, I have to be getting on with some work now but will have a think about this.

Lostinrates: I actually have A LOT of respect for proper craftsmen and teachers. As for me, I don't have any qualifications in furniture restoration or teaching and am mainly "self taught".

As are a lot of people making a living selling furniture restoration. Certainly not learning with the benefit of a cabinet maker's advice.

As for teaching, please tell me if you are teaching a child you have been crb checked? DH used to teach and like many music teachers he had not teaching qualification just his post grad stuff. I was a musician and never taught music but have a teaching qual for something else. I deliberately don't get a crb check so I cannot be roped in to teaching minors.....:rotfl: (I am presume lint crb checks are still requisite. )