Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

mum2one

I have to give due where I find, you are coming round to the mse ways of life, but you do need to put your foot down where your parents are concerned, I know your dad is the "older upper stiff lip", but by birth your a chip off the old block, but this doesn't always have to be the case.

As for Little K's birthday, he's starting to socialise - maybe he is too young for a party at home, - but what about inviting a few of the parents and few of the toddlers from the nursery to a local playbarn/wacly warehouse - doesn't have to be a party as such as think at 3, its a lot to take in, but you could go for an hr, 4 adults, 4 kids, then you could do it as a mini party - coffee for the adults, play for the kids.......

Then there still be time for Little k to see both sets of grandparents xx

AlexLK

mum2one wrote: »

Just a thought, if you haven't taken the tags off the gloves - can you not take them back and get a more reasonable priced pair!!

Not picking on Mrs K - but she also needs to help not purchase - for me tonight I had an email from Radley handbags - up to 50% sale

---

of course I looked, of course I drooled, I even choose a new one.......... but then reality hit in, I CAN NOT AFFORD TO SPEND £130 on a bag even of it is half price.
Did I need it no, did I want it yes....... but what would I do with it. Be put in the draw in the bed with 3 other designer bags - still in dust cover.......

You can look smart on a budget - for me I needed to get DD a new coat for school and also a smart Winters coat - I managed to get one coat from the ladies section in Asda £19 - its been a top rated one in a wack of magazines... if I brought that coat in the town centre I could be looking at £60.

I was actually considering returning my order (online) and going to M&S.

Mrs. K. really wanted this pair she bought and has not seen any cheaper (leather with tartan trim).

mum2one wrote: »

I have to give due where I find, you are coming round to the mse ways of life, but you do need to put your foot down where your parents are concerned, I know your dad is the "older upper stiff lip", but by birth your a chip off the old block, but this doesn't always have to be the case.

As for Little K's birthday, he's starting to socialise - maybe he is too young for a party at home, - but what about inviting a few of the parents and few of the toddlers from the nursery to a local playbarn/wacly warehouse - doesn't have to be a party as such as think at 3, its a lot to take in, but you could go for an hr, 4 adults, 4 kids, then you could do it as a mini party - coffee for the adults, play for the kids.......

Then there still be time for Little k to see both sets of grandparents xx

Well, I did tell them that it was not really appropriate. However, my parents will do what they want, does not matter what I would have to say to them.

I wasn't thinking about any sort of party that went on for hours, just a quick treasure hunt, small buffet and coffee for parents. I actually thought this would be cheaper.

Grandparents would behave themselves in the presence of others, I'm sure.

7roland8

Yes the 'scummie' statement also jumped out for me too.

Just shows money doesn't buy class.

No matter what your parents think - they should at least be polite and civil to your wife when she is a guest.

And how will your son feel when he hears talk like this - do you want him to talk about and think of his relatives in this way too?

Regarding son's birthday - decide what you want to do and then just do it - tell your parents what is happening and thats the end of it.

He could always see his little friends one day and the grandparents on another - doubt they'd want to be round screaming kids anyway.

AlexLK

7roland8 wrote: »

Yes the 'scummie' statement also jumped out for me too.

Just shows money doesn't buy class.

No matter what your parents think - they should at least be polite and civil to your wife when she is a guest.

And how will your son feel when he hears talk like this - do you want him to talk about and think of his relatives in this way too?

Regarding son's birthday - decide what you want to do and then just do it - tell your parents what is happening and thats the end of it.

He could always see his little friends one day and the grandparents on another - doubt they'd want to be round screaming kids anyway.

It was somewhat of an accident on my mother's part to be honest. However, Mrs. K. would not let it go even after I said I thought the comment inappropriate.

No, I don't want my son hearing (and understand what is meant) by my parent's references to my wife's family. Although, in some ways it is difficult as her father hasn't exactly been accommodating of my parents, even threatening to "knock out" my father.

I mentioned the possibility of a party and they were keen, telling me "not to be silly" in regard to inviting people round to my house and that we "should definitely" do it at their house; they would sort a "fabulous" treasure hunt and buffet out. So, they are keen so far as their duties as grandparents go.

Sorry if this is incoherent, I shouldn't really be up at this hour but yet again cannot sleep.

7roland8

Hm - regarding grandparent's duties - they could offer - but its up to you to decide. Not their call to dictate whatis happening.

Yes I can see the parents have faults probably on both sides - but kids pick up on things very easily.

I don't think saying the word 'slipped out' and you said it was inappropriate really acknowledges how bad it actually was.

armchairexpert

Alex, hi, I've read your entire thread over the last few days, and it's staying with me in a way that these diaries rarely do. Almost every time you post, you reveal something significant and yet you seem so very calm and accepting of the dynamics in your life.

Like others, I'm utterly shocked at the 'scummies' phrase. I imagine that while it was a slip up on the part of your mother, it's a phrase that she employs regularly when your wife is not there. This is a woman who looks after your son for up to twenty hours a week; what chance is there, do you think, that he isn't absorbing these phrases and attitudes about his own family?

Added to which, your in-laws say things to your face about you 'not making a good enough job of topping yourself' - and you wear this. And again, these digs are happening in front of your son.

It strikes me that you accept an awful lot of criticism in your life - and in fact, I don't think it's a coincidence that you attract criticism on this thread! - and accept it as normal. Your parents putting down your violin playing, your wife running to her brother at any opportunity, your in-laws calling you a waste of space, your parents calling your in-laws scum, your in-laws threatening to fight your parents...

I mean, seriously. And it's nursery that you're worried about exposing your son to?

Just because your parents are well off and have lovely tasteful things about them, just because you wear expensive clothes, just because everyone in this drama is middle class and respectable, doesn't make it normal, and it doesn't make it okay. You shouldn't have to live like this, and your son especially shouldn't have to witness these awful, cruel, judgemental attitudes in his own family.

I'm sorry to jump in with such a hard post. I actually admire you no end. I think you don't realise that you are being dragged down as much as you are by the 'support' of your family - and if you and Mrs LK and your son could step out of this situation and just be, together, you'd find a hell of a good man in there.

kerri_dfw

Maybe keep the gloves, both of you, but do the "need or want" thoughts in your head next time you go shopping for something...I have told my OH if he still wants a £90-£200 coat by the time we go shopping next weekend then he can buy it with his inheritance. This stops impulse buys and gives you time to find workarounds. I don't think debt-busting necessarily has to mean you stop buying alll the luxuries, you just have to make sure it's something you definitely need and isn't being wasteful. Afterall, if you buy a decent pair this year, then you won't need to buy a pair next year as they'll still be good. Firm believer in buying quality of quantity here

Ps. hope you managed to get a decent nights sleep in the end.

LannieDuck

I'm beginning to wonder how much of that debt was built up by Mrs K (all be it unknowingly) rather than you.

Has she done anything to replace the £500 you (as a couple) couldn't afford that she nonetheless took earlier this month? Now she decides she 'has to have' this pair of expensive gloves, even though she has other perfectly useable pairs. Couldn't she have waited for Christmas? (Yes, you shouldn't have bought such an expensive pair either, but at least you have the excuse that you genuinely needed some.)

...oh, and she wants to look at cars.

Where does she think this money's coming from?

AlexLK

7roland8 wrote: »

Hm - regarding grandparent's duties - they could offer - but its up to you to decide. Not their call to dictate whatis happening.

Yes I can see the parents have faults probably on both sides - but kids pick up on things very easily.

I don't think saying the word 'slipped out' and you said it was inappropriate really acknowledges how bad it actually was.

I suppose my parents are and to some extent will always be like that, they say what is happening and expect us to work round them. In regards to son's birthday in one way I see their point yet in another I don't suppose my house is really that bad or so much an embarrassment it is going to be noted anyway.

Not sure what we are meant to do about the parents on both sides, they are who they are.

armchairexpert wrote: »

Alex, hi, I've read your entire thread over the last few days, and it's staying with me in a way that these diaries rarely do. Almost every time you post, you reveal something significant and yet you seem so very calm and accepting of the dynamics in your life.

Like others, I'm utterly shocked at the 'scummies' phrase. I imagine that while it was a slip up on the part of your mother, it's a phrase that she employs regularly when your wife is not there. This is a woman who looks after your son for up to twenty hours a week; what chance is there, do you think, that he isn't absorbing these phrases and attitudes about his own family?

Added to which, your in-laws say things to your face about you 'not making a good enough job of topping yourself' - and you wear this. And again, these digs are happening in front of your son.

It strikes me that you accept an awful lot of criticism in your life - and in fact, I don't think it's a coincidence that you attract criticism on this thread! - and accept it as normal. Your parents putting down your violin playing, your wife running to her brother at any opportunity, your in-laws calling you a waste of space, your parents calling your in-laws scum, your in-laws threatening to fight your parents...

I mean, seriously. And it's nursery that you're worried about exposing your son to?

Just because your parents are well off and have lovely tasteful things about them, just because you wear expensive clothes, just because everyone in this drama is middle class and respectable, doesn't make it normal, and it doesn't make it okay. You shouldn't have to live like this, and your son especially shouldn't have to witness these awful, cruel, judgemental attitudes in his own family.

I'm sorry to jump in with such a hard post. I actually admire you no end. I think you don't realise that you are being dragged down as much as you are by the 'support' of your family - and if you and Mrs LK and your son could step out of this situation and just be, together, you'd find a hell of a good man in there.

Hello there,

I'm honestly not really sure what to say to this post but thank you for replying.

Sorry this is not a very constructive reply, you have made me think about things that have happened in the past as well as the present and begin to wonder if there is any way forward, a question I'm not sure I'm qualified to answer.

kerri_dfw wrote: »

Maybe keep the gloves, both of you, but do the "need or want" thoughts in your head next time you go shopping for something...I have told my OH if he still wants a £90-£200 coat by the time we go shopping next weekend then he can buy it with his inheritance. This stops impulse buys and gives you time to find workarounds. I don't think debt-busting necessarily has to mean you stop buying alll the luxuries, you just have to make sure it's something you definitely need and isn't being wasteful. Afterall, if you buy a decent pair this year, then you won't need to buy a pair next year as they'll still be good. Firm believer in buying quality of quantity here

Ps. hope you managed to get a decent nights sleep in the end.

Thank you. Me too, re. quality however in the past I have been guilty of buying lots of good quality items ...

Managed to get some sleep, which'll do for me. :rotfl:

AlexLK

LannieDuck wrote: »

I'm beginning to wonder how much of that debt was built up by Mrs K (all be it unknowingly) rather than you.

Has she done anything to replace the £500 you (as a couple) couldn't afford that she nonetheless took earlier this month? Now she decides she 'has to have' this pair of expensive gloves, even though she has other perfectly useable pairs. Couldn't she have waited for Christmas? (Yes, you shouldn't have bought such an expensive pair either, but at least you have the excuse that you genuinely needed some.)

...oh, and she wants to look at cars.

Where does she think this money's coming from?

Mrs. K. did not replace the £500 but she did give me £20 out of the change for the organ recital and used the remainder of the cash to fill up her BMW with petrol. I've no idea if she's got any more left as she won't talk about it and I'm not about to start another argument. My wife also likes to buy accessories, she pretty much collects bags, gloves, scarves, shoes, umbrellas etc.

As for the car she is looking at, I know you won't approve where the money is coming from (the £11,000 saved). However, agreeing to it is about all I can do to keep the peace at the moment because we are not having a holiday next year.