Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

I will certainly look into the green deal, thank you.

My wife knows I post on here, I sometimes get her to read anything I believe is useful to us both. Anything I've said about her on here, I have most likely already said to her. She knows I was unhappy about Friday night, especially as we are meant to be going out next Friday to see an organ recital which now I am thinking about calling off because of money.

HOK3Y

Hi Alex, I don't have any words of wisdom for you. Hearing your side of the story, it sounds like your wife is unreasonable and independent to a fault. It is one thing to be a strong woman and make a point, it is another thing to knowingly hurt your household in doing so.

You have your hands full and I don't think she will ever let you forget it! Best of luck!

LannieDuck

Am I correct that she knows your outgoings are more than your incomings at the moment (ignoring debt repayment)? So she knows you don't have the £500 to spend?

She's just chosen to go £500 into debt, and this time it's her debt, not yours.

AlexLK

HOK3Y wrote: »

Hi Alex, I don't have any words of wisdom for you. Hearing your side of the story, it sounds like your wife is unreasonable and independent to a fault. It is one thing to be a strong woman and make a point, it is another thing to knowingly hurt your household in doing so.

You have your hands full and I don't think she will ever let you forget it! Best of luck!

No, she'll never "let me forget it", :rotfl:.

LannieDuck wrote: »

Am I correct that she knows your outgoings are more than your incomings at the moment (ignoring debt repayment)? So she knows you don't have the £500 to spend?

She's just chosen to go £500 into debt, and this time it's her debt, not yours.

She knows everything, we have been working on this together recently and it's been going well. I know she's not particularly happy and has for a long time wanted her "old life" back.

I know she hasn't spent £500 but she won't "give up" the change and put it back in the bank.

LannieDuck

Perhaps she'd like to be responsible for balancing the books this month?

littlegreenparrot

I'd like to make a suggestion to try and take the conflict out of the hers/mine/ours money situation.

the way you describe it sounds like you have one account, into which everything goes, that works for some people. It would not work for me, and it sounds like it is causing conflict for you.

Why not work out a figure that would cover the bills/general household groceries that will go in the joint account. On the understanding that what's left is hers, to do with what she likes.

I have been in a similar situation to your wife, and have a lot of sympathy for her point of view. For me there was of course a desire to help, but also 'stupid idiot, its his mess why should I suffer for it' moments!
I would not be happy having to account for how I spent my money, when I know so much has been frittered in the past, and indeed so much is still sat about in the form of stuff needing to be ebayed.

AlexLK

LannieDuck wrote: »

Perhaps she'd like to be responsible for balancing the books this month?

She won't do that.

littlegreenparrot wrote: »

I'd like to make a suggestion to try and take the conflict out of the hers/mine/ours money situation.

the way you describe it sounds like you have one account, into which everything goes, that works for some people. It would not work for me, and it sounds like it is causing conflict for you.

Yes we've had one account from when we moved in together (before we married), from then on we never had separate money.

littlegreenparrot wrote: »

Why not work out a figure that would cover the bills/general household groceries that will go in the joint account. On the understanding that what's left is hers, to do with what she likes.

I have been in a similar situation to your wife, and have a lot of sympathy for her point of view. For me there was of course a desire to help, but also 'stupid idiot, its his mess why should I suffer for it' moments!
I would not be happy having to account for how I spent my money, when I know so much has been frittered in the past, and indeed so much is still sat about in the form of stuff needing to be ebayed.

Beyond what it costs to live, what my wife earns should be hers, is this what you are saying? That we should split all the bills 50-50?

I've no doubt she'd be ecstatic if I agreed to this as we wouldn't have to do anything together for my earnings do not even cover half our bills etc. She's already told me today that she "doesn't know" whether she wants a relationship or not, so perhaps this would be for the best and would at least enable her to be happy.

Mara_uk7

Alex ... What do you want to make YOU happy ?

No no .. Not her ... You ?

You are so " nice" , i really want to slap you sometimes ... In an affectionate way of course !

patanne

I don't want an answer to this, but have you thought how you would feel if Mrs K left & mini K remained with you? You are after all a good parent, so there is no reason why you should not be the parent with care. Of course that would mean her paying you maintenance. Whilst I am sure you love her she does not seem to be making you happy or even wanting you to be happy. Sorry I do like setting the cat among the pigeons. I just think you may be a lot happier with that outcome than you are now.

ETA Just read Mara's post - & have to say ditto - with the very best of intentions

theoretica

When calculating the family finances remember that you are making a huge contribution in terms of child care - saving what it would cost to have little K in nursery full time or hire a nanny. Add that to your income and it will look rather more even.