Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

Granariesgirl wrote: »

We're "squeezed middle" too - no S###, Sherlock! :cool:

Chin up Alex & "just keep swimmin'" as Dory says in Nemo! (I LOVE watching some of those kids films):p

:rotfl: , not got a lot of other choice, really.

7roland8

Chin up Alex - hope tomorrow goes well - bit of childish behaviour from your wife - who is also a mother - looks like you have two toddlers to cope with.

Gosh hope that was an exaggeration about 'hundreds of pounds'?

fc123

AlexLK wrote: »

Saturday 12th October, 2013.
Day 41.

Dear Diary,

It's on days like these I wonder why I bother, my wife has immensely frustrated me but refuses to give me the courtesy of an explanation, other than stating she is an adult and doesn't need permission to go out and spend HER money. That is if there was even an explanation in the first place, I have a sneaking suspicion she heard the brother was out with some old mutual friends yesterday evening and she decided she wanted in too for old times sake, maybe. Well at least she's home this evening and not out spending hundreds of pounds on god-knows what.

Not managed to get any eBaying done today or anything remotely constructive, in fact I'm rather surprised I'm coherent enough to write this. Hopefully she will talk tomorrow as I always feel rather stupid going to parents on Sunday with just my son.

Summary:
No Spend Day on my part.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

.....with regards to the gifting / swap arrangement of the your parents house, I would advise doing nothing about this for some time.

Even if they put the swap into your name, your wife she could claim half and also live in it until little K is 18.

Just reading between the lines, there seem to some issues where the pair of you are not on the same page. In view of this I would not be accepting a million £ house as a gift at this time.

Mara_uk7

In a good solid marriage, there is no hers and his, its all ours. That counts for debts as well as earnings .

Fc123 has made a very good point above. I fear for your relationship with someone who is showing herself up to be a petulant brat. Not talking ? Is she 30 or 3 ? Sheesh !

fc123

Mara_uk7 wrote: »

In a good solid marriage, there is no hers and his, its all ours. That counts for debts as well as earnings .

Fc123 has made a very good point above. I fear for your relationship with someone who is showing herself up to be a petulant brat. Not talking ? Is she 30 or 3 ? Sheesh !

...actually, I just read my post back and it was a bit abrupt and I didn't mask it in soft language...so apologies if it offends.

Just I have known couples who sounded similar and getting past this stage is hard and some don't.

I worry a bit that she doesn't help your self esteem issues either as it is almost a 'default' that she can throw back at you that it was 'you' that overspent' so your fault and 'she' brings in 65% of the household income so is entitled to spend as she feels.

In a marriage / co-habiting, there should be one money jar and it doesn't matter who puts in how much, it is always one pot.

AlexLK

7roland8 wrote: »

Chin up Alex - hope tomorrow goes well - bit of childish behaviour from your wife - who is also a mother - looks like you have two toddlers to cope with.

Gosh hope that was an exaggeration about 'hundreds of pounds'?

I hope she'll talk to me tomorrow. Looks like I'm sleeping in the spare room currently though. Fortunately, I feel a little saner than a few hours ago.

And, no I wish it was an exaggeration: she took £500 out of our account which I know I will not see put back.

fc123 wrote: »

.....with regards to the gifting / swap arrangement of the your parents house, I would advise doing nothing about this for some time.

Even if they put the swap into your name, your wife she could claim half and also live in it until little K is 18.

Just reading between the lines, there seem to some issues where the pair of you are not on the same page. In view of this I would not be accepting a million £ house as a gift at this time.

We have been through some awful times together. In some ways, more bad than good but we've come through the other side. I will not leave her, she knows that she could do whatever she wanted to me and I wouldn't leave, so unless she left me we will remain married for better and for worse.

Mara_uk7 wrote: »

In a good solid marriage, there is no hers and his, its all ours. That counts for debts as well as earnings .

Fc123 has made a very good point above. I fear for your relationship with someone who is showing herself up to be a petulant brat. Not talking ? Is she 30 or 3 ? Sheesh !

She can be somewhat petulant at times, I suppose it is because she has to put up with me. Seriously, I just hope she comes round soon.

AlexLK

fc123 wrote: »

...actually, I just read my post back and it was a bit abrupt and I didn't mask it in soft language...so apologies if it offends.

Just I have known couples who sounded similar and getting past this stage is hard and some don't.

I worry a bit that she doesn't help your self esteem issues either as it is almost a 'default' that she can throw back at you that it was 'you' that overspent' so your fault and 'she' brings in 65% of the household income so is entitled to spend as she feels.

In a marriage / co-habiting, there should be one money jar and it doesn't matter who puts in how much, it is always one pot.

No offense taken at all.

There's been things go on in the past much more serious than her not talking to me. I just hope she'll be OK in the morning.

mum2one

Hope the spare bed cosy....

I really think you need to sit Mrs K down, to draw £500 (yes she have earnt it) but a have a house that needs paying, debts which ok maybe in your name on the cards, but as you have said Mrs K has had some of the pleasure with holidays, maybe she thought you were taking more from the business.

Maybe she needed a night out, but there are other ways of going about for me and DD, that £500 is just slightly less than we took on our 2 last all in holidays (and last time we came back with 60kg luggage when we'd been allocated 40kg) - got away without paying:cool:

I know Sundays can be difficult day for the both of u, but I really think you both need to sitdown and go through the budgets,yep you may need make some allowance for Mrs K re lunches but this debt repayment cant just be one sided.

Please dont take offence, - where a lot of the backlash (from want of a better word) if your incomes compared to a lot of people you may come across as rich...... but I know you mentioned before you were earning a lot more, so then you had the champagne lifestyle, but you had the champagne pay to go with it.

Now - at times the champagne lifestyle is there but unfortunatly the budget is more prosecco (your not on a lemonade wage trust me).

Its hard trying to find a in the middle position and that is where you are, your trying, but I guess Mrs K may resent having to cut back, to an extent its a female thing.... we like to keep up the Jones, - the level of pay Mrs k earns she a high earner, a good job, so maybe resents not being able to do what the others in the office do. You need to talk to find a medium,

At the moment even if you do a new budget a month, it may take 6 months to get it right, - your get there.

My situ different, we live with my parents, mainly financial and personal reasons, there house is paid for its just bills etc that have to be accounted for. Yes I lived out of home before, but that was pre-child days, and a lots changed, so I can only say how I think whether right or wrong.

Going back to the boiler, - unless your on a qualifying benefit - you wont get a boiler, you may get free instulation as cavity wall and the loft insulation, a lot of councils and some of the gas/elec companies do the insulation if your is not up to date.

We had ours done at the time due to I was on income Support and living at the house, we had the boiler changed (our other had been condemmed)... but that was a few years ago.
xx

AlexLK

mum2one wrote: »

Hope the spare bed cosy....

I really think you need to sit Mrs K down, to draw £500 (yes she have earnt it) but a have a house that needs paying, debts which ok maybe in your name on the cards, but as you have said Mrs K has had some of the pleasure with holidays, maybe she thought you were taking more from the business.

:rotfl: Nobody "sit's Mrs. K. down" if she doesn't want to.

mum2one wrote: »

Maybe she needed a night out, but there are other ways of going about for me and DD, that £500 is just slightly less than we took on our 2 last all in holidays (and last time we came back with 60kg luggage when we'd been allocated 40kg) - got away without paying:cool:

I don't resent her a night out with people other than I, I do resent the £500 but not her going out. It was more the way I was told, her basically coming back throwing the keys to the Triumph down, hands me our son and tells me she's off out, "bye"!

Very nice on the luggage for holiday , well done!

mum2one wrote: »

I know Sundays can be difficult day for the both of u, but I really think you both need to sitdown and go through the budgets,yep you may need make some allowance for Mrs K re lunches but this debt repayment cant just be one sided.

How, at times, I wish my wife was as reasonable as you!

mum2one wrote: »

Please dont take offence, - where a lot of the backlash (from want of a better word) if your incomes compared to a lot of people you may come across as rich...... but I know you mentioned before you were earning a lot more, so then you had the champagne lifestyle, but you had the champagne pay to go with it.

Now - at times the champagne lifestyle is there but unfortunatly the budget is more prosecco (your not on a lemonade wage trust me).

I understand.

mum2one wrote: »

Its hard trying to find a in the middle position and that is where you are, your trying, but I guess Mrs K may resent having to cut back, to an extent its a female thing.... we like to keep up the Jones, - the level of pay Mrs k earns she a high earner, a good job, so maybe resents not being able to do what the others in the office do. You need to talk to find a medium,

At the moment even if you do a new budget a month, it may take 6 months to get it right, - your get there.

Thank you, I hope we work something out.

mum2one wrote: »

My situ different, we live with my parents, mainly financial and personal reasons, there house is paid for its just bills etc that have to be accounted for. Yes I lived out of home before, but that was pre-child days, and a lots changed, so I can only say how I think whether right or wrong.

Going back to the boiler, - unless your on a qualifying benefit - you wont get a boiler, you may get free instulation as cavity wall and the loft insulation, a lot of councils and some of the gas/elec companies do the insulation if your is not up to date.

We had ours done at the time due to I was on income Support and living at the house, we had the boiler changed (our other had been condemmed)... but that was a few years ago.
xx

Again, thank you. I'm not too worried about the boiler, it usually breaks down for a few days per year but we survive! Needs to be accounted for at some point if we stay in this house though.

PippiShortsock

I think someone mentioned the Government’s new Green Deal scheme on this thread a few weeks ago. Have a look at the section called the Green Deal Mythbreaker on the MSE main site. Sounds like it could work for you – you could get a new boiler and insulation but pay for it through your energy bills and, if you move, the debt stays with the house and the new owner pays through the energy bills. There’s also the chance to get up to £1,000 cash back from the government.

I’m sorry that you’re having some domestic difficulties at the moment. Could your wife be reading this forum? I would be doing so if my husband told me he was discussing our financial and home life with the world. You’ve got quite a fan club on here and you’re being very frank with us; that could be doing her head in a bit, especially as you suggested before that she can be quite jealous. This really isn’t the best way to communicate to her your sense of frustration – but I’m sure you know that!