This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

ajmoney

I am trying to get into a routine with meal planning etc while I am off so it is a little easier when I go back to work.  One of my favourite slow cooker meals is a beef and carrot casserole.

Humdinger1

Watty1 said:

Humdinger1 said:

@Watty1 sounds delicious! This diary is all yours now, all your voice.   You are not defined by ex's behaviour, and I hope you're bursting with pride. If you're even interested, you'll soon see Nemesis taking a disconcerting interest in his affairs...Happy 2022 when your life will be on your terms.  Love Humdinger xx 

I'm not sure about this. He still takes up far too much room in my head.   Like today I was feeding the horses and he removed a roll of roofing felt from the barn and I asked what he was doing with it in a friendly way and he replied going to do a little roofing job and I find myself wondering who and where and missing that he doesn't do odd jobs around this place.  And I wouldnt really mind but he doesn't sell the place to me just keeps me in limbo.  I feel I don't really have the space to properly move on.   Feeling a bit maudlin today I think.

Watty it's understandable.  I think getting to that point where it's more painful for him to keep on doing this than move onto the next stage isn't as far off as it seems.   Please keep me posted.   Love Humdinger xx 

Karmacat

Watty1 said:

 And I wouldnt really mind but he doesn't sell the place to me just keeps me in limbo.  I feel I don't really have the space to properly move on.   Feeling a bit maudlin today I think.

Such a difficult situation, Watty, and you have such a lot of get up and go normally - I hope today's better.

Watty1 said:

Despite gloomy thoughts, fed the horses and got busy in the kitchen.    One tub black bean stew made (should feed two so can share with VNM or eat over 2 days), two tubs of homemade baked beans (again each has 2 portions in but plan on eating over a couple of days with some small sausages from freezer) and a very large pot of beef and carrot stew cooling in kitchen which I will freeze in single portions and should be about 12 instant meals there.

Made a list of food in the freezer at the cottage which could be considered 'mine' and filed that in my planner along with suggestions on how to use so that I don't have to think when having a down day or a busy day..  Will weigh out stuff to make oat and cheese flapjacks tomorrow and tomorrow will also start on the huge stash of lentils.

Oat and cheese sounds interesting!  And coincidentally I've just started once again to use my red lentils, it was good.  The other baking portioned out also sounds tasty - as you say, very useful for a down day.

Watty1

Didn't manage any bulk cooking today as opted to work.  I have new work mantra I'm trying of "keep up or catch up".  Keep up leads to balance in my life. Catch up leads to stress. So trying to keep up at work to keep my stress down.  Also worked late so will stay at cottage this evening despite ex being here.

So paper-work morning was really a call to mortgage broker to see how much I can borrow.  Have appointment for tomorrow to go over the final figures.   After much thought I am going for a 2 prong attack as soon as the festive period is over.  I am going to offer the ex everything he wants to settle.   And I mean everything and anything.  I just want this over.  That is prong one.

Prong two is to buy somewhere to live and move on that way.   To do that I need to know how much I can borrow.  I will either need to move the horses to a livery yard, or find somewhere close to the cottage so I can leave them there.  There are advantages and disadvantages to both, namely the horses like where they are and the costs are low, but the ex is there.   I want to cut all contact to move on, the current situation is messing with my head to much.

Moving to a livery yard means more cost but might be better for me.   Ideally I would like to stay near the village I am as I have friends there but I have a search area sorted and have already knocked on a door of a recently sold subject to contract house to ask the seller if she would take my name and number in case the sale falls through. She did very happily as she had trouble finding a buyer it seems and we had a lovely chat and if that comes back on the market I would be very happy.  Also rang an agent and left my number in case a sale on another possibility falls through

I'm hoping I can borrow enough but will do the work to find out.   I also think I might be too old for a mortgage but the broker didn't say no at the initial chat. 

It is possible the ex might go into the new year wanting to settle to but past performance indicates this will be unlikely hence my two prong approach.

  

Watty1

Call to broker went ok given circumstances.    Seems it would be possible to find me a mortgage.  Looking at 2 years interest only fixed repayments.   Hoping that 2 years will buy me enough of a break to see what will happen.
When the world starts moving on 5th January will work with solicitor to offer an everything and anything deal for closure there. More optimistic for the mortgage than a solution but time will tell.

NYE is here.  Have a ticket for local pub with friends but somehow with the current bugs circulating and the news that the local hospital yesterday put tents up in the carpark for overspill I'm not really feeling that I want to go.   VNM was working but is now free but has a bug (testing negative on a LF test so not THAT bug).     Will need to stay at cottage where ex is as there are firework displays locally and I need to make sure horses are fine.  They are usually not bothered but i do feel anxious at just leaving them to it and would feel dreadful if anything happened so think best to stay and check on them.

Humdinger1

@Watty1 I think you're right! So many people are having low-key NYEs this year.  I have for years actually; I loathe the enforced jollity and the feeling that it somehow forecasts the year ahead.  As far as ex is concerned, and speaking from experience here, the more space he takes up in your head, the harder it is to make a clean start.  I also think that it can interfere with your money-making ability.  You are far more together and realistic than I was when I parted from ex, but I was astounded by how little I cared about the things he'd brainwashed me onto thinking were important...looking successful while running up unsustainable debt is probably a fair, rough-and-ready overview.  Congratulate yourself Watty; you are declining to allow him sway over your life.  Not wanting to be uncharitable, but I really cannot wait to hear the saga Nemesis has in store for him.  I predict that it will be subtle, garish and far-reaching. Happy New year to you and your devoted admirers on here and  in real life.  Love Humdinger xx 

apple_muncher

Wishing you a happy, healthy and holistically wholesome (and full of alliteration!) 2022 xx

Watty1

Humdinger1 said:

@Watty1 I think you're right! So many people are having low-key NYEs this year.  I have for years actually; I loathe the enforced jollity and the feeling that it somehow forecasts the year ahead.  As far as ex is concerned, and speaking from experience here, the more space he takes up in your head, the harder it is to make a clean start.  I also think that it can interfere with your money-making ability.  You are far more together and realistic than I was when I parted from ex, but I was astounded by how little I cared about the things he'd brainwashed me onto thinking were important...looking successful while running up unsustainable debt is probably a fair, rough-and-ready overview.  Congratulate yourself Watty; you are declining to allow him sway over your life.  Not wanting to be uncharitable, but I really cannot wait to hear the saga Nemesis has in store for him.  I predict that it will be subtle, garish and far-reaching. Happy New year to you and your devoted admirers on here and  in real life.  Love Humdinger xx 

What a very moving post.  Thank you

Watty1

apple_muncher said:

Wishing you a happy, healthy and holistically wholesome (and full of alliteration!) 2022 xx

And the same back at you xx

greent

Happy new year, Watty - am loving the renewed determination to get it all sorted - wishing you all the very best in doing so x