This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Karmacat

Oh damn - sorry about that Watty, SHS's input triggered my exact memory about the part he played I've deleted my reference to him where I wittered on about hoping he stepped up. Sorry.

Watty1

KC's post was utterly brilliant. I've not cut and pasted the responses to it but KC it was fabulous. Really helpful. You have articulated rather a lot of what I thought about 'friend' in US working with Mr Watty. And I did ring her because I couldn't sleep, knew she would be around because of the time difference and I was desperate. That she offered to speak to Mr Watty the following day I viewed more as an emergency lets see if he will go to a counsellor debate rather than a developing therapeutic relationship.


That he then did two other sessions with her, one to discuss medication (she is also a doctor in US) I was ok with ...but ... the bill is excessive and KC articulated my thoughts better. I might just print that out for the conversation I plan to have with her. Thank you

Watty1

and thanks everyone else too. Your kindness much appreciated. I don't think the brother was the catalyst, although I do not think he has helped one jot.
And may just say so!


For now I am staying put here. I think the 'no life changes when in crisis' comment from KC excellent. So I will just see how it unfolds.


Today I gave the yard a pressure wash to get rid of the slippery surface before winter, cleared some rubbish out. Mr Watty has left some items from 'his' barn in the hay barn that are no longer required. Would have ebayed but camera flat and now its dark! Some stuff moved to the tip. Off to bring ponies in, and, as Mr Watty working overnight, going to make dinner and watch TV with the wood burning stove roaring.

ajmoney

I am glad you are still posting Watty, I have been reading although not posting myself.

Karmacat

Glad it was helpful couple of other things:
- check out what her normal rate is - she should be advertising that somewhere on her website, I'd have thought.
- what she says on her website about length of sessions - no way do you need 3 hours to discuss medication.
- she'll be used to her clients/patients claiming from insurance, I should think. She may not have realised that you didn't have anyone to reimburse you, which is normal in this country, so she may be willing to change the rate she charges.
- check out what her accreditation organisation says too - since she's a qualified doctor, that's probably the American Medical Association, to start with, but it sounds like she isn't *only* a medical doctor? What are their ethical guidelines about charging, phone work, informed consent etc?

This sentence from your post at 5.21 today: "That she offered to speak to Mr Watty the following day I viewed more as an emergency lets see if he will go to a counsellor debate rather than a developing therapeutic relationship." ...
This is why therapists are supposed to make clear what they're offering. It's called "the therapeutic contract". She didn't do that, and it's her responsibility, not yours. She didn't do it with you or Mr Watty - I can't believe that kind of ethical framework isn't in the USA too, as well as in this country - though I've just had a rootle through the website of the American Medical Association, and it says, unfortunately: "Billing disputes and poor customer service are generally not viewed as unprofessional conduct.". On this page: https://www.ama-assn.org/delivering-care/frequently-asked-questions-ethics. The actual code of ethics is locked behind a login screen. But still, that's about doctors, and Mr Watty spoke with her as a counsellor or therapist, yes?

Finally (sorry! ) this is a page of links that might help you - remember there are federal laws and state laws in the USA:
https://www.counselor-license.com/resources/counseling-organizations.html.

The very last thing you needed

It's a different culture out there, and you may have no recourse, unfortunately. One more piece of fallout from the bereavement

A woodburning stove and a nice dinner in front of the tv sound good! I've no stove here, but the central heating is just starting to blast out right now, and my pasta and whatnot nicely cooked

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gallygirl

Nothing to add Watty, except to say your MSE family are all rooting for you xxx

Watty1

thanks again KC. More useful stuff there. I've had a rootle around and read the links. I've pretty much formulated what I will say with her. The bottom line is I don't want to fall out with her as a friend but she has overstepped the mark here.


I do know her hourly rate (gasp) and think you have a point that she is probably paid by insurance companies and she may not have realised I was footing the bill on that one.


I'm going to suggest Mr Watty's dad's estate pays


I should add in fairness that he has had 3 separate sessions and each have covered a lot of stuff. But I think has so much trauma from childhood has come up she should have been guiding him to appropriate resources here (and I'll use those links to find someone).


Having mapped out what I will say and got it clear, I'll follow up with her next week.


My dinner was delicious (ricotta and kale tart with salad) and I've just relaxed in front of TV. Off to hay the ponies and give them their goodnight hugs then bedtime I think to curl up and read. Kitten normally pops up at night, bribed by a few treats of course, but then she returns to stretch out in front of the stove until it burns itself out.

Secret_Saving_Squirrel

That all sounds good Watty. Clearing out and tidying up and getting rid of stuff is a great way to fill a bit of time and prepare you for whatever steps lie ahead. You will know when the right time comes to make permanent decisions. Good luck, as you can see there are a lot of people thinking of you. X

themadvix

Thinking of you Watty x

Karmacat

Good luck Watty, I hope these things go as smoothly as they ever can.