Only children ...

Caroline_a

I'm an only child, and had 3 children myself. Holidays as a child were miserable - everyone else had siblings to play with and I was a shy child so found it difficult to mix.

I was under a great deal of unspoken pressure to do well as a child too, and when I didn't always do or achieve what was expected there was an atmosphere of disappointment in the house.

The up side I guess is that I'm very good with my own company (although I have 2 dogs), and now that I live alone I don't get lonely or bored.

kboss2010

thorsoak wrote: »

My OH was an only child and he was adamant that he did not want to make an "only child" family. As a little one, he revelled in being the only one - to have the undivided attention of his parents, but as he grew up, he found that being the absolute focus of their attention, their hopes and dreams for him, was oppressive.

After we'd been married for a few years, I understood what he meant - absolutely everything that we said or did was microscopically examined whereas my parents, with five adult children could not worry as much about us in detail!

OK - might have been the sort of people they were - but thought I'd add this contribution. We had four children, and so far, those children have all got two children each - youngest hasn't yet started a family.

I agree. Being an only child is great when you're young, but as you get older it's lonely. You're the only one your parents focus on for dreams/aspirations/grand kids (I don't want kids and it's a huge burden knowing my parents won't have grand kids) and when your parents inevitably get older, you're the only one to take care of them. It's a huge burden without siblings.

Cousins and friends aren't siblings. They don't have to (and often won't be) there when it counts.

FopMistress

I'm an only child and never missed not having siblings. I used to watch friend with brothers and sisters beat the merry Hell out of each other and feel secretly glad that it wasn't happening to me.

I think it's made me very self-reliant and independent as a person. I wouldn't worry too much. The only downside I had as a child was that I was brought up in a very rural area and there weren't any other kids locally to play with which made it quite lonely at times but then again, it made me a very avid reader and good with my own company. There are upsides and downsides to every situation.

mummalove

I have only one child and by choice.

He is now 18 and is, and always has been, super confident, happy and an absolute pleasure. When I ask him if he ever wanted a sibling, he constantly says no and no regrets whatsoever. He actually said he prefers to be an only child as there are more benefits!

We are very close and I know it was the right choice for me.

flower24

I'm an only child and can identify with your son being upset leaving other children etc. I can remember hating going home from a friend of my mums house as she had 2 girls and I loved playing with them, our house was always so quiet (only me and mum). I was adamant I wanted more than one child and that is why mine are so close together (17 months gap). But they argue loads, there's definitely pros and cons to each xx

neverdespairgirl

My brother kept wanting a younger sibling and asking my mother to provide him with one - all through primary school, all his mates appeared to have a procession of new babies in their families.

My brother is the youngest of 4, and my mother felt, firmly, she'd had quite enough.

Spendless

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

My brother kept wanting a younger sibling and asking my mother to provide him with one - all through primary school, all his mates appeared to have a procession of new babies in their families.

My brother is the youngest of 4, and my mother felt, firmly, she'd had quite enough.

My daughter from being 3 has asked for a sister. She used to point to children in families of 3+ where they had mixed sexes and say 'so and so has a brother and a sister and so does....'. When I used to say what if I got a boy instead, she's say then her brother would have a brother and sister and I could have a girl the following time. She even once filled out a real nursery application form for her fictional sister (to be born in 2013!) after finding the paperwork floating around her school playground one day.

Her brother when we told him he was to have a sibling told us he didn't want one as it would 'annoy him, mess him around and play with all his toys'. When we repeat this story now (he's 13) he just says 'So? I was right'.

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OP - You just deal with whatever hand life throws you. If it's not been entirely by choice then it must be easy to think your child is missing out when he feels a certain way. My eldest never wanted to come away from anything either. He used to cry and refuse. At one bit I used to time myself to go shortly before something closed, so he couldn't get upset that I was taking him away from his fun. This didn't change till he was older and a few years after his sister was born.

Gavin83

kboss2010 wrote: »

Cousins and friends aren't siblings. They don't have to (and often won't be) there when it counts.

This isn't guaranteed of siblings either. I know plenty of people with useless siblings that don't wish to become involved with supporting parents.

I'm an only child and rarely have a felt lonely or desired a sibling. However from a young age I've always had a really close friend who has almost filled the roll of a sibling, plus I'm really happy being on my own.

However I agree with your post. I have what you would class as fairly traditionally minded parents and they had their dreams of what I should do with my life. Being my own person and having a lot of independence I often haven't followed the path they would of liked and the disappointment is showing. It was worse in my teenage years but even now there is generally always something they expect of me that doesn't happen. Currently me and my girlfriend are looking to move about 30 miles away and they're not happy with that, they'd rather I was just up the road.

The really big issue that I can see us clashing on in the future is grandchildren. They've made no secret of the fact that they want nothing more than to be grandparents and I have no desire what so ever to have children. I feel bad that they won't get something they want so badly but I'm not willing to have children just to please them. It's not really a massive issue at the moment as the conversation doesn't often come up but once I'm married and my girlfriend starts approaching her mid 30s I can see this being the cause of a major fall out.

Kynthia

The thing is having more than one child doesn't guarantee grandchildren either. My friend has an older brother and they are both late 30's. One definitely doesn't want children and the other is single and not great at long term relationships. The parents are in their 70's already so I'm not sure they'll ever see little ones. Same as having more children doesn't guarantee that some will live nearby, as I have aunts/uncles where all their children are far away or abroad.

bossymoo

Families are all different shapes and sizes! Some work well and some don't. I think its less about how many people and more about their character. My mum is one of 5 girls, one is estranged and although the rest disagree an awful lot, they are close. My dad is one of 4 and rarely sees his two remaining siblings. I have one brother, we were very close as children, inseparable, but fought as teenagers do. Into adulthood, and we are geographically half a world apart, and although I find I get frustrated with him (he lives in a perfect bubble) I still adore him.

My late DH was an only child, and insisted we have three children - we never got that far as the big C had other plans for our family - but he was really keen on having siblings. He loved my big family with all my aunts and cousins and found our get-togethers hilarious - he had nothing like that as a child.

Now it seems (since my brother lives overseas) that I have six "grandparents" to care for (my parents divorced and remarried, and I have inherited my lovely inlaws) as they age. It's a huge responsibility

We have two children, they are very young still, but very close and I hope they stay that way.

So you see, there are "only children" and "only parents" and the bottom line is, life is what you make it! I just have to be twice as efficient

Enjoy your kiddies, I'm told they are not little for long! Yikes my eldest starts school tomorrow! How did that happen???