Only children ...

AlexLK

Honestly, I don't think I could put up with the mess and noise of more than one child. My wife who is one of three was open to the idea of having another at some point but I'm thankful she came round to my way of thinking in the end.

Mr_Toad

Felicity wrote: »

I was wondering if we could have a thread for families that have an only child.

We have a lovely little boy who is 5 years old.

I find having an only child to be a blessing and a problem. It wasn't a choice for us, it was just what life threw at us.

We have had a lovely summer holiday but he has been lonely at times. We went to Spain with another family who have an only child. It was a wonderful holiday ... until the time came to say goodbye.

We spent time with lots of cousins and family but it always has to be time to say goodbye :-(

Does anybody else feel that pain for their only child?

I haven't read all this thread so apologies if I'm repeating what others have said.

I don't understand why so many people feel that an only child is somehow lacking or feel guilt as parents that they have somehow let their child down by not having more.

I'm an only child and am a perfectly happy and well adjust member of society. Siblings can be a blessing or a curse, just read through this forum about people having problems with brothers and sisters, families who can't stand the sight of each other and fall out over the silliest things!

I have never wished for siblings but I am regularly grateful that I don't have them when friends and colleagues start telling tales of family feuds and petty squabbles that can simmer for years.

All that said, I have two children, we didn't even consider stopping at one. A second was what we both wanted and the decision had nothing to do with only children.

neverdespairgirl

I have an only child - he is 8. We're thinking of another next year, though.

OH has one brother, nearly 8 years younger than him, and they get on very well. I have two sisters and one brother, who are 2, 6 and 7 years younger than I am, and we all get on fantastically.

My parents each have one older brother, and get on well with both of them now, still.

Only children don't have to be lonely - large families don't necessarily argue all the time. It's swings and roundabouts, and different family arrangements suit different families.

davenport151

Thank you for starting this thread. I have often felt judged by deciding to have just the one child. I have a brother who is two years older but always felt I gained an extended family when i married hubby (he is one of four brothers - all but one married).

For me it was the right choice. Once he was a year old and I began to get back to work (albeit part time) It did not feel right to go back and start it all again. My son is now 14. I like to think this has given him a more mature outlook on life and greater independance. He has good friens and we have cousins nearby so i hope he will keep his ties with them.
Siblings are not always a support in later life as there are often conflicts and grudges going on. i work in a care home so see first hand the problems that come from feuding families especially when the final days are near.

Woolwich_Kim

I'm not an only child but was more or less brought up as one.

My siblings are much older than me. Between myself and the next youngest is 10 years and my parents had me when they were older.

So my siblings acted as extended parents really.

When I was old enough to understand anything my siblings were mostly late teens and were just doing their own thing.

Like your son, I enjoyed playing with other kids of the same age and wanted that to last a lot longer.

The good thing about being an only child is I developed independence at a younger age, I had to be creative and learn to enjoy my own company and not be clingy or be afraid to be alone/single.

However, it's also meant I've never had to share anything or consider someone else before myself or as well as myself. It has made me impatient and less tolerant of others. I didn't cope well when babysitting my niece as I'm not used to someone needing me. It has put me off having kids! By all means I can share and compromise when in a relationship or in a team situation but if I'm required to constantly do so I get resentful and I do crave time to be alone.

As for not sharing games/toys, well in my day most were designed for more than one player anyway!

My niece now is an only child but she's ok as she now has ipads etc to keep her entertained and she skypes her friends a lot. I didn't have that choice.

Another poster here mentioned siblings fighting, well that's expected when young, all my siblings were close in age and always fought. However, now I'm older I appreciate having siblings especially older ones to pass down any wisdom and also I have witnessed any mistakes made and not repeated them. It's also nice to know I have siblings for when parents need help or not around anymore.

Are you planning to have another child? If so, bear in mind a big age gap can cause issues too. Most people I know who have an age gap of 5/6 years consider it big.

You could get a pet dog instead? Children love pets and I've always wanted one. It's good to learn how to take care and look after something vulnerable which I never got to do which is why I'm impatient! Hope this helps.

Rebecca01

Thank you for starting this thread. I have a 5 year old little girl and often feel the same as you.
My DD does have two half sisters but they live 300 miles away. We have just spent a lovely two weeks with them. So I guess its the best of both worlds.
I agree with others, we should focus on the positives not the negatives. Afterall there are disadvantages and advantages to most things in life.

Person_one

OP, its a bit of a shame that this thread turned into a debate about which is better, only child or siblings, because you stated pretty clearly in your first post that this wasn't a choice for you!

However, I'm afraid that's the way these threads always go! Everybody recounts their own experience, and of course everybody has a completely different idea of what the 'perfect' family is like.

If you desire a second child or a bigger family this badly though, I have to ask and sorry if its not something you want to talk about, have you considered adoption or fostering?

geoffky

Great article here....read the comments
Yes, I'm an only child and, no, I'm not depressed – or beastly




http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/aug/22/only-child-depressed-beastly

Kynthia

Person_one wrote: »

OP, its a bit of a shame that this thread turned into a debate about which is better, only child or siblings, because you stated pretty clearly in your first post that this wasn't a choice for you!

Apart from a couple of posts I don't think it's become a debate about which is better. I'm sure that most people know that there are advantages and disadvantages to every possible family set up and that the personalities involved also play a part. The OP seemed very upset about their child not having siblings and wanted support and advice from others in the same situation. I think what most people have kindly done is show that being an only child does have some advantages, which the OP didn't seem to have thought of at all. Also that having siblings isn't automatically better and wonderful, so the OP should worry less and make the best of their child's childhood.

MadDogWoman_2

My DD 6 will be an only child due to fertility problems.

I have made sure she has mixed with other children from a very young age. I have realised that she wouldn't be doing the things she is due to funds if she had a sibling.

She does have a lovely relationship with her older cousin, they are going to miss each other when her cousin leaves for uni in a couple of weeks as they are more like sisters.