Only children ...

Felicity

I was wondering if we could have a thread for families that have an only child.

We have a lovely little boy who is 5 years old.

I find having an only child to be a blessing and a problem. It wasn't a choice for us, it was just what life threw at us.

We have had a lovely summer holiday but he has been lonely at times. We went to Spain with another family who have an only child. It was a wonderful holiday ... until the time came to say goodbye.

We spent time with lots of cousins and family but it always has to be time to say goodbye :-(

Does anybody else feel that pain for their only child?

Goldiegirl

I don't have children of my own, but I am an only child.

Speaking from an only child's perspective, you don't miss what you've don't have, and, although you enjoy time with your friends and cousins, it's nice to come home to where you have your own space.

Also, most of the time I was pleased not to have brothers or sisters, as my friends seemed to spend most of their childhood fighting with their siblings, and reading the the threads on here, there still seems to be an awful lot of sibling conflict.

Your son will be fine. Make the best of the life you have

AlexLK

I grew up an only child and we have planned for our two year old son to also grow up an only child. He will be absolutely fine, in a few years he'll be out of the phase of wanting a sibling and glad he doesn't have any.

Mojisola

The only child doesn't have a ready-made playmate at home but does have lots more adult attention,

the only child might enjoy having a sibling but they might fight and argue constantly instead,

the only child has all their toys for him/herself instead of having to share them with siblings or have treasured things broken by siblings,

and so on.

There's no ideal - some things are better, some things may be worse.

marisco_2

There is a big difference between your son playing with other children and being a bit upset at saying goodbye. To him ever wanting to adjust all he knows in life, and suddenly having to share mummy and daddy with a sibling. Just because he does the former doesn't mean he has any desire for the latter.

Every child gets lonely at times, even those who have siblings. As with all other emotions over time they learn the skills to overcome this and become more resilient.

Felicity

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I don't have children of my own, but I am an only child.

Speaking from an only child's perspective, you don't miss what you've don't have, and, although you enjoy time with your friends and cousins, it's nice to come home to where you have your own space.

Also, most of the time I was pleased not to have brothers or sisters, as my friends seemed to spend most of their childhood fighting with their siblings, and reading the the threads on here, there still seems to be an awful lot of sibling conflict.

Your son will be fine. Make the best of the life you have

Thank you ... I really appreciate your input. I am starting to look far more at the positives.

I get to do a lot of things with my little boy, we have a wonderful life. He is really confident.

We get to sit at the kitchen table together on our own and we travel the world together, we read, we learn, draw, stick, glue, sellotape and staple as he grows.

There are not many children who get the attention that our little chap does.

There are so many pros to being an only child and in many respects I am pleased he is.

There are many down sides too though :-(

Make-it-3

I agree, as a parent of an intended only child, I think you are reading more into the situation and I'm not sure us one-child families need our own thread.

Children hate saying goodbye to anything/anyone when they are having a good time.

They also go through a phase of wanting a sibling, just because they see others with one. Some will always feel they are missing out, but others realise there are plenty of benefits of being the only one.

Kynthia

I've read that only children are usually fairly confident as they have always had their parent's love and attention, with no worries about not being 'the favourite', feeling treated less favourably or being made to wait. They also often do well with achievements in life due to having had more resources focussed on them, such as more likely to be sent to private school, more money for tutors or extra curricular activities, more support with homework, more world travel and adult conversation, etc. They also often have very good friendships as they put more work into them without siblings to fall back on. Yes there's disadvantages too, but I'm sure you've already spent time thinking about them.

Felicity

Make-it-3 wrote: »

I agree, as a parent of an intended only child, I think you are reading more into the situation and I'm not sure us one-child families need our own thread.

Children hate saying goodbye to anything/anyone when they are having a good time.

They also go through a phase of wanting a sibling, just because they see others with one. Some will always feel they are missing out, but others realise there are plenty of benefits of being the only one.

Thanks. Yes, trying to focus on the benefits.

I agree with what you are saying however my little boy has been inconsolable many times when friends have left. Especially when we have had friends for the week-end or extended periods.

He has had friends or cousins in his bedroom and his bed and has had little people of his age for company.

He is gutted when they leave. Just really sad.

I know I am giving him a lot of life skills and confidence that he otherwise might not have and he is massively gaining by being an only child.

It is just heartbreaking sometimes though ...

Felicity

AlexLK wrote: »

I grew up an only child and we have planned for our two year old son to also grow up an only child. He will be absolutely fine, in a few years he'll be out of the phase of wanting a sibling and glad he doesn't have any.

Wow. No regrets there for you.

I wish I had your confidence.

mountainofdebt

Junior, who is an only child, found that the bickering between friends' children annoyed him from an early age.