when should i have a baby?

Felicity

We waited until we were financially stable and 30 years old (and married) before we started trying.

It then took us 5 years before we finally fell pregnant, which we are now, yippeeee! We were just about to start having IVF which can cost upto £4k a month as we had unexplained infertility. Fortunately we didn't need it.

My advice to anybody is don't leave it too late, if you do have to have IVF then all your hard saved money will quickly be eroded!

At the same time we are so happy together and its lovely that we can afford for me to be a stay at home Mum for a few years.

Good luck in whatever you decide!

honeypop

djdymond wrote: »

do you think i should go back on the pill now so at least when im ready, i should be having normal periods and stuff? (ive not had a period in about 2-3 years now so im guessing its going to take time to get back to normal!)

The periods you get on the pill are not 'true' periods so even when deciding to start trying for a baby, you have to let your body return to 'normal' and have a true period which can take some months (everyone is different, I know someone who had a true period first month off the pill, I know some who took 3-6 months), so even on the pill you wouldn't - in theory - be in a position to start trying as soon as you make the decision, you'd still have a wait, dependant on your body.

Curious_George_2

poe.tuesday wrote: »

spot on hevababy, the richest kids of all are those who have time, money can help but time and love is what it is all about IMO

and you can say something this right in the next breath after suggesting sperm banks are the way to go?? :rolleyes:
im trying to ignore your comments on the other page as i cant believe how cut and dried pig headed they are, but i will say this.... how much "love" and "time" would a baby be getting from its anonymous donor daddy?

OP - dont bank on your contraception taking as long to wear off as your told,
i hadnt had a period for nearly 7 years and was told it would take at the very least 6 months to get a cycle going again... i fell pregnant VERY soon after.

and as for the comments about marriage, you said it yourself, having a child is the biggest commitment ever (bigger than getting wed) people who are married can get divorced and never see each other again, people who have children (generally) will always have at least some contact (be that a good thing or bad thing in some circumstances)
my OH and I will be getting some money probably at the end of this year and we have been planning our wedding so we knew everything we wanted and could just go out and pay for it when it arrived.... now we are pregnant so the wedding will have to wait for a bit
(but only until ive lost enough weight to look stunning in my dress! lol) but if we dont use that money to pay off our debt, get married and use the rest as a deposit on a house, these three things will not happen for a very long time thanks to having 2 children and no real work prospects.

ok, im babbling now, but my point is that i dont feel any less commited to him just because we are not married (yet)

JennyW_2

Wait until you're 30 and think again. 25 is way to young to be settled down with a baby.

*Louise*

djdymond wrote: »

(when is a couple ever financially well off to have a baby!?)

NEVER!!:p

If everyone waited till they were financially secure, no one would have kids until they were 40+ lol

I had my first at 20, my partner and I were still living at our respective parents'. Nothing gives you a push to get things sorted like an imminent birth..:D We moved into our first place one week before we had our son, and 7 years later we are waiting the arrival of our 3rd child next month. We became more financially secure somewhere along the way, couldn't for the life of me pinpoint when thoug....

Things have a way of working out, you adapt your circumstances to suit the situation.

However, you are only going on 25, it's not as if you are indanger of leaving things 'too late' like older mothers, so what's the harm in waiting just a few months, if it's going to make your life easier?

poe.tuesday

Curious_George wrote: »

and you can say something this right in the next breath after suggesting sperm banks are the way to go?? :rolleyes:
im trying to ignore your comments on the other page as i cant believe how cut and dried pig headed they are, but i will say this.... how much "love" and "time" would a baby be getting from its anonymous donor daddy?

to start with I never stated that sperm banks were the way to go, I stated that for some women it was an option

and as for your comment about how much time and love a baby would get from it's anonymous donor daddy, do you also concern yourself with the amount of time and love a child gets in other single parent enviroments, surely if you believe that a child can not get enough time and love from a woman who does not know the father of her child then surely this is the case for any woman who has had a child when she was raped, or any woman who has decided that she no longer wants the father in their lives, or any woman who has litterally been left holding the baby whilst daddy if off somewhere else - there are so many single parents out there doing an amazing job and who give their children so much time and love, in some cases the children do not know the other parent for whatever reason, are you saying that these children are disadvantaged as you seem to be :rolleyes:

Valentine_x

Eels100 wrote: »

I'm 26 and accidentally pregnant with my first baby - we're in a stable relationship, both working, not married but not really planning to be, and just taken on a big mortgage. In some ways the timing's fine, in others we really could have done with another year or two before baby came along. I think having more savings would have made a massive massive difference to my stress levels, and the options open to me once the baby's born (I have to go back to work whether I like it or not:().

Similar to Eels, I'm 27 and this was a surprise pregnancy - we were playing with fire but so happy when we found out. My situation is difficult as, like Eels, we have a big mortgage and we also have no savings and many debts so I'm going to have to go back to work when the baby is 6-9 months old in order to meet our commitments which just breaks my heart - but we have very little choice.

JennyW wrote: »

Wait until you're 30 and think again. 25 is way to young to be settled down with a baby.

In your opinion - I think that's a very individual choice!

Also - re. another poster's comment about marriage - not everyone believes in it or needs a piece of paper - why should we all get married before having children - I just don't get this at all? You assume that makes us more commited to our partners?

Sorry - hormonal and pregnant but some of the comments on this thread have got to me a bit.

To the OP - have a good chat with your partner and make a joint decision based on your personal circumstances. I would recommend being more financially stable than I am, but I'm not sure we ever would have been able 'to afford' to have a baby and risked leaving it too late. My fear now is that we won't be able to afford the big family I always wanted because of previous silly financial decisions.

Good luck OP - keep us informed.

Valentine xxx

Katie~baby

JennyW wrote: »

Wait until you're 30 and think again. 25 is way to young to be settled down with a baby.

Thats your personal opinion. Im 25 and have a 6 year old and im glad i had her when i did

Dormouse

I was a couple of years older than you, OP, when I was in a similar situation (we were married though).

I was 26, we were nowhere near being able to afford to buy a property, and we had to make the choice of working our butts off for several years to be able to afford a nice house with all the trimmings, or start a family. The biological clock won.

Now I'm 31, expecting our second one, we're still renting - not skint (I wouldn't suggest people start making babies if they're in severe financial difficulty), but not on the property ladder - but TBH I'm happy the way things are. Yes, in an ideal world, it would be lovely to own a lovely house, but to me, having children is more important right now. We'll have plenty of time to make money later.

I'm not saying go and make a baby right now, but I am saying that owning a house is not the be-all-and-end-all. Good luck whatever you do, OP

djdymond

thanks everyone for more responses. i do think, like my OH wants to, save our butts off till xmas. by then i hope to have been promoted in my job and have a bit more cash coming in to save. i think im going to go back on the pill so my body can sort itself out. i think my OH is finally realising how serious i am about moving on in our relationship! itll certainly be before 30 though!!!!