when should i have a baby?

djdymond

hello everyone

basically i am 25 this october and really want a baby with my boyfriend of 4 years who does intend on proposing etc. but am growing impatient!

after speaking to him about it today he as said (as were renting at the moment) he wants us to be living in our own place before we have a baby, so we should save till xmas and see how we are then. at the moment, we have about a thousand in savings and could have another 5 grand or so if we saved really hard, and then... what? 100 per cent morgage? or do we keep saving?

i am really determined to have my first child before im 30 and i do intend on having more after. i personally dont want to wait till weve moved in somewhere of our own as itll take ages (when is a couple ever financially well off to have a baby!?) but its true, were in a one bedroom rented flat right now so we would have to move first i guess...

any ideas???

thanks in advance!

Helena
xx

Justie

artificial deadlines don't mean anything - either you're both ready and in a position to have a child or you're not. It sounds as though in an ideal world you'd be better off being on a better financial footing before you start a family. Once you've had a child even if you go back to work full time a large proportion of one income goes on childcare not to mention the cost of the child itself. You also have to factor in maternity leave which, while you will get some income for 9 months, isn't the same as your full time wage. If you've got such little savings now then you're unlikely to increase them when you have a child. Don't get me wrong it's not the end of the world to bring a child up in rented housing but you'd need a 2 bed place eventually and that will cost you more adding to the difficulty in saving. If you're planning on a wedding in and amongst it all too then that's money as well...

We're about to have our first child, I'm 34 and OH is 38 and we've waited this long until we were both ready - not saying this is the *right* age or anything just that you shouldn't be blinded by the numbers but should go with how you both feel. You also need to be sure that your desire to have a child soon isn't a way of speeding up the marriage or anything like that.

I'm sure lots of people will have the opposite view too - there's no right or wrong answer.

poe.tuesday

there's never a right or wrong time to have a baby IMO, I fell pregnant first time round at the age of 28, I had only been seeing the father for less than a month, we are still together over 10 years and another child later

you want a baby, you go and have one

Nicki

Well if you saved until Christmas and accumulated £5,000, you'd still only just be 25. Then, assuming you fell pregnant immediately you started trying, you would have another 9 months to keep saving and/or find a new home to move into. So by the time you came to give up work you could easily have a £12-£15k cushion or a suitable place to live in.

Life has a funny way of not working out so neatly however, and you may not conceive for several months after starting to try, so your cushion would be even more. In any case you will only really need a 2 bed place 6-9 months after baby is born (as up to that point it should not be too much problem to have him or her in your bedroom with you). By that point, you may well be thinking that you'd like more than 1, and therefore be looking to buy a bigger place and hopefully have more deposit saved up by then to help you do so (assuming you don't go mad buying designer baby gear that is)

Its all a question of compromise and priorities really, but you can make a good case for doing what your bf says, provided you are happy to wait a few more months. Maybe he just wants a little time to get his head round the idea!

Gingham_Ribbon

The time will be right when you BOTH feel that the time is right. Relax. You're young and your relationship is heading the way you want it to. Don't be too impatient. Saving and being stable financially is a sensible start.

Curious_George_2

poe.tuesday wrote: »

you want a baby, you go and have one

its not always as easy as that though is it :rolleyes:
doesnt it make a difference if the OPs boyfriend doesnt want one just yet?

I understand your boyf wanting to wait until you are more financially secure, could part of it also be his fear of becoming a parent so young? it is a huge responsibility after all... and men tend not to feel the same about it as we do.
my DDs dad made me wait until he was 30 before we could start trying, as he still thought he was a child himself!

ckerrd

If you and other half are basing your decision to have a child around soley financial perameters, then IMO, you are wrong.

Having a child is huge thing to do and affects your life in so many ways.

Whatever you decide, be happy and positive and enjoy life.

BernadetteN

When I read the subject heading I tought you were asking what time of year to have a baby.

On reflection, I wish I'd had all my kids in January each year! They do alot of sport and the age categories are invariably on year of birth so those kids born in January get the natural advantage!

I also had very little choice over birth date of first baby. After seeing his dad for about 5 seconds, I gave birth 9 months later. Then another, then another, then another, then a vasectomy.

It's really hard balancing good finances with lifestyle choice but 25 is not too old. Looking bluntly at fertility statistics, if you were 30, you'd want to start conceiving pretty quick.

You can only know yourself if you think the relationship is ready for a baby and that is far more important, in my opinion than finances.

kr15snw

I wouldnt worry about rushing into it as I think your boyfriend may have a point. It would probably be best to wait until you are financially secure before you try for a baby, then you will be able to have a good life not just filled with love but a bit of cash aswell (does this make sense?).

My partner is 34 and although he really wants a family he knows that we are not in the financial situation to do his for another few years (I have 2 years left at uni and then we're planning on having a few years of us both working full time).

Your not old, even if you have a child at 30 things will be ok

Flimsy

Hi Helena

It really does depend on so many things and everyone is different. I had my first at 21, he was an accident just after we had bought our first house. Up till then we were both working and on paper it was a 'good' time. Shortly after I had my DS, DH was made redundant. He got another job and then had a car accident which didn't cover the finance for our car so we had a 1k shortfall :rolleyes: and then he got made redundant again and we had to sell our house and live with family. So not ideal We've since got back on our feet, have our own house again and have another child and I am currently trying for my 3rd which I would preferably like to be born before my 30th birthday next year.

So as long as you are both ready it can be done even if luck isn't on your side.

ETA, saving is a very good starting point. If we had had some money to fall back on we might not have got into the nightmare that we did!

poe.tuesday

Curious_George wrote: »

its not always as easy as that though is it :rolleyes:
doesnt it make a difference if the OPs boyfriend doesnt want one just yet?

to be honest with you, no, if she wants a baby then she can have one in the grand scale of things

you don't need money, you don't even need a man these days (other than for the vital bits) so my comment about her wanting a baby is that simple, if she wants one, she can go an have one (as long as there is not an issue with her actually falling pregnant etc), naturally it's not the way that most people want and I am sure it's not what the OP wants, but if the drive to have a baby gets very strong like it does with some women then she can, if she wants, go an have a baby