when should i have a baby?

Mrs_A_4

Crumbs, I never realised how old fashioned I am about marriage before babies. I understand that sometimes accidents happen, but I just don't get it when a couple choose to make the biggest commitment ever before committing to a marriage.

I believe that a baby deserves two parents who at least plan to be together forever. I know this doesn't always work out, but it seems crazy to me to not at least make sure you love someone enough to marry them first before bringing a child into the world.

When did having a baby just because you feel like it become a right, rather than a privilege and responsibility?:think:

Katie~baby

I plan to be with my partner forever but dont have any plans to marry. We just know we will be together and feel that a peice of paper wont change it.

Flimsy

I got married while I was pregnant, we knew that if we didn't do it then we probably wouldn't get round to it. And I didn't want my baby having my surname I didn't like it

nats3006

It is very hard work, i dont think people realise till they actually have one or two in my case!! i dont regret having them at all!!!

but just know what they are like first!
maybe a spot of babysitting??

hevababy

djdymond wrote: »

hello everyone

basically i am 25 this october and really want a baby with my boyfriend of 4 years who does intend on proposing etc. but am growing impatient!

after speaking to him about it today he as said (as were renting at the moment) he wants us to be living in our own place before we have a baby, so we should save till xmas and see how we are then. at the moment, we have about a thousand in savings and could have another 5 grand or so if we saved really hard, and then... what? 100 per cent morgage? or do we keep saving?

i am really determined to have my first child before im 30 and i do intend on having more after. i personally dont want to wait till weve moved in somewhere of our own as itll take ages (when is a couple ever financially well off to have a baby!?) but its true, were in a one bedroom rented flat right now so we would have to move first i guess...

any ideas???

thanks in advance!

Helena
xx

hiya u dont really have to wait till u have a place of your own because im 19 and when i got pregnant i put in for a council house and there actually ok if u do them up you can also buy after a few years so you will be fine when is there a right time to have a child its not when u have money a child isnt always about how much money u have its about love so if your both ready then its the right time, just dont be determined to get pregnant straight away cos its doesnt always work u just have to have fun and it will happen in time good luck when u do try tho

poe.tuesday

spot on hevababy, the richest kids of all are those who have time, money can help but time and love is what it is all about IMO

Katie~baby

Also though you shouldnt have a baby and rely on the council. If you can support yourselves and rent your own place then thats better.
I think to many people think they will get a council house. They dont realise its a long and stressful process. Often with stints in B&B or bedsits and its not something you want to deal with when with a little one.

djdymond

thanks ever so much for all responses, very appriciated. funnily enough i did always want to get married first but i thought by the time we save and move into our own place, save and marry, and then decide right baby time, id be in my 30s! the age thing does worry me a little i must admit and its true for some reason, my boyfriend is under the impression he wont be a great dad but i know i will be. i also know we will be together for life and we are very very strong together. i do think it would make things better.

my other half also worries that obviously HIS wages will have to cover mortgage, us AND baby, which is a bit of a worry i admit. but i know we would get baby things on the cheap from people, ebay etc, nothing too new. and i would save up as much as possible.

ALSO what worries me is that im on the contraceptive injection which the nurse keeps telling me that once i stop using the injection, it could take a year to ware off anyway!!! so even if i didnt have another injection and thenDID get preggers afer a year, thats still a year and 9 months till we could have a baby!!!! nearly 2 years! (and now 27!) thats why i think ive not got pregnant before, as i was a little silly on the pill and kept forgetting to take it, hense i went on the injection... ladies... do you think i should go back on the pill now so at least when im ready, i should be having normal periods and stuff? (ive not had a period in about 2-3 years now so im guessing its going to take time to get back to normal!)

Katie~baby

I personally would go back on the pill. Go and speak to your doctor ask how these things work. But if you want a baby sooner rather than later then coming off the injection and using another form of contraception is a good idea.

rchddap1

As far as the injections goes...there are other ways to protect against a baby. A simple condom will do the job. Besides there's no harm in getting the bloke to be responsible for things.

Having a baby is a wonderful thing....but it changes everything. No-one is truly ready for it until it actually happens. Yes you could do with a bigger place. But once you get that bigger place then you might need some savings just in case. Then you might decide you need a last fling in the sun before a little one ties you down. Then perhaps the kitchen, lounge or bathroom needs doing up. And then there's the garden.... Get my point yet?

You can never be financially ready for a baby. A baby doesn't care about money. All it wants is food, warmth, a clean bum, and someone to give it a cuddle. Only yourself and your partner can decide when the time is right. However, if your partner never wants kids you will have a big decision on your hands.

Good luck