Just left my job due to unhappiness:(

jacques_chirac

Butterfliesarepretty wrote: »

OP (me) believes that as a 46 year old lady with long administration experience and that I worked four years in a job before this one and worked bloody hard and something that I did enjoy until the targets became too pressurising had the effect on me that even though I have made some wonderful friends there, I wanted to gain more experience in administration elsewhere.

I was not complaining, I was concerned when I mentioned it to my manager about the lady, and I had been told that she is offhand to everyone. I did the right thing by telling my manager how I felt. She agreed that the person was offhand and she would chat to her, unfortunately she didn't.

I have confidence that I will find a role that keeps me busy and challenging and be trained.

Besides the comments about me having a husband to support me, he is absolutely in agreement with me leaving because it was affecting me physically every day. A year ago I was single and would not have been able to leave.
I know what is acceptable in an office and what is not.
Everyone deserves to be treated with respect.

But you were not just asking for respect, you were expecting friendship and conversation - this is not what work is for. Then you went moaning to the boss because people were not being pally with you.

Honestly, you sound very high maintenance. I doubt they were sad to see you go

Jox

Good luck with your next role.

I have temped in the past for a few days or few weeks here and there, the other staff were friendly but because I wasn't to be there for long probably didn't make too much of an effort. I am quite good at keeping my head down and getting on with my work so I didn't mind.

I work in a small office and the newest person who joined a year ago is very offhand with me and doesn't chat when it's just the two of us in the office but I've got work to do so that keeps me busy or I text my husband or a friend for a few words of kindness when I'm lonely

Work is how I pay my mortgage and bills, I've got friends outside of work so that sustains me emotionally. I won't let an offhand person chase me out of a job, I just won't take it personally.

Butterfliesarepretty

jacques_chirac wrote: »

But you were not just asking for respect, you were expecting friendship and conversation - this is not what work is for. Then you went moaning to the boss because people were not being pally with you.

Honestly, you sound very high maintenance. I doubt they were sad to see you go

People like you just assume things. I didn't expect anything but hard work. One person spoiled it by not wanting to train.
And my boss was understanding.
Keep your horrible assumptions to yourself.

jacques_chirac

Butterfliesarepretty wrote: »

People like you just assume things. I didn't expect anything but hard work. One person spoiled it by not wanting to train.
And my boss was understanding.
Keep your horrible assumptions to yourself.

'People like me' have made no assumptions at all:

Butterfliesarepretty wrote: »

Lady I was taking over (as she was taking reduction in days) was offhand to me, didn't seem to want to make conversation, and resented me). Spoke to manager twice and hoped it would get better. Every morning I went in feeling anxious, sick and kept trying and trying to keep busy. All other office seemed friendly enough but whatever I tried to get to know and make conversation with team they hardly took an interest.

Butterfliesarepretty wrote: »

You spend most of your hours in a workplace so its down to yourself and the people who work there to make it a happy place for everyone.

Butterfliesarepretty wrote: »

Im worker not a shirker and intend to be settled in a job and love the people who are also there.

I expect HR were very supportive of your decision to leave.

Caroline_a

ILW wrote: »

I have dealt with and worked in a few places and find middle aged women are by far the worst for OPs attitude. Many seem to consider work as a kind of social affair and will spend all day arranging birthday collections, leaving cards, christmas party etc. Can be a total pain.

This I think is where the OP was getting it wrong. We can choose our friends but not our relations or who we work with! If people are off-hand with us at work then it's possible that they don't like us!

I think a big mistake was for the OP to go complaining to the manager regarding the other lady - of course we don't know either how long she'd been at the company, or why she was reducing her hours, but if she was a long-standing member of staff then she was probably valued more than a new person. The manager might have spoken to her - but he might have said that the OP had complained, but sided with the other lady ('that new woman is moaning about you, don't worry, she'll get used to it')

OP, you say that you have 20 years admin experience, yet think that you still needed training after a month. I think that's unrealistic, you have sold yourself at interview on '20 years experience', they expected you to be able to pick up and run with the job.

Prothet_of_Doom

redpete wrote: »

I can sort of understand it that someone who has been in Afghanistan getting shot at daily and seeing friends injured or killed might suffer PTSD but to diagnose this for someone who has found a job "really stressful" amazes me.

I was perhaps being a bit OTT, but I have experience of a job where I was bullied by my manager, and suffered workplace stress as a result, and when decided to make a change I moved to another company, but I was still in victim mode, so was unable to deal with the stress, for a long while.

Still 10 years later, I find that if someone expresses similar behaviour, I get a little anxious, when there is no real need.

kelpie35

What I find strange is that you have only been there 1 month and the person you feel has bullied you, is a long serving member of the team, but other team members manage to cope with her, does that not say that there must be something wrong with your attitude?

You are very lucky that you can afford to just leave a job without having something else in place.

Before you move to your next job I would seriously have a think about your attitude, because in my eyes everyone else can't be wrong and you right.

VictorCharlie

I think the OP is just not a very thick skinned person.
As many have already said, who cares if you get bad vibes from colleagues? You are there to work at the end of the day, and if you can rise above petty co-workers you would be the better person and management would see that.

ILW wrote: »

I have dealt with and worked in a few places and find middle aged women are by far the worst for OPs attitude. Many seem to consider work as a kind of social affair and will spend all day arranging birthday collections, leaving cards, christmas party etc. Can be a total pain.

I know exactly what you mean.

moneypuddle

I do agree that a month perhaps wasn't very long to give things a try, BUT I do think some are being unnecessarily harsh on the OP. There's a huge difference between expecting colleagues to be friends and expecting them to be civil and pleasant. It is incredibly hard work to be in a office in a small team if one or a couple of members of that team are offhand with you, and actually make you feel awkward when you're just trying to get on with your job. I've just left my job for the same reason (though I stupidly put up with it for 6.5 years!!)

Good luck OP in finding a new job x

Poppy9

Someone mentioned training and how good BT were. My working life, public sector, training has not been so good. New systems arrive and in the past if we have "classroom" training the training was poor and irrelevant. Now it's always E training and you get sent a link to train yourself.

Regardless of the training style though some people are a nightmareto train. They want total hand holding and vast notes that they never refer to!

There are a couple of people who I've worked with for donkey years and tbh I never, ever want to show them how to do something because they are so blooming slow and demanding. They want to write down every single step, ask the most stupid questions and then even though they have copious notes they keep interrupting me when I am working to ask me how to do something as they seem to have zero common sense or recall!! If they didn't write so many notes and just listened then perhaps they would get it!!

You getting the picture I'm a "this is how you do it, got it?" sort of trainer I am not a hand holder. I know I'm like this and others do too and it's not a problem because the majority of people do get it! I am probably the person most asked in the office how to do something relating to our IT systems and I am always co-opted at design stage to develop and test new systems but when I find out how to do something that I know others will find useful I will do an idiots guide, complete with screen shots if necessary and email out. For 95% of the office this is fine and the notes will only take me a few minutes. So annoying when the small minority keep coming to ask me constantly how do to it when they have blooming pictures and short concise notes that say "click export" with an arrow pointing to where "export" is on the screen!