Just left my job due to unhappiness:(

Caroline_a

I been mulling this one over, OP. A couple of years ago when I worked in a large very busy organisation I remember we had a new lady start. She seemed from the out to want to be everybody's best friend, but because she was new to the organisation had no concept of how busy everyone was (good PAs are like ducks - calm on the surface and peddling like mad underneath). To be honest, she was a pain!

In most places now, particularly in admin sections, nobody has the capacity to chat for long. Admin has taken a huge hit across the country in job reductions, so where you originally had 6 people doing a job each, you have one person doing the lot. In some cases the reductions are even higher.

I think you have taken this far too personally. As a new person to the job you need to stay in the background and watch and listen. You can then see how the organisation works, who does what, where and when. This process can take a very long time. Allow people to approach you for a chat - initially you have no idea what they are doing and how much they have to do. Not everyone is good at saying 'Can we talk later, I'm really busy' and still sounding friendly.

Additionally, the lady who you were taking over from - she may have been very inexperienced at training. She knows what she knows, but not what you know. She may have assumed that you understood, say, pivot tables, when you dont. There could be lots of reasons why she didn't want to be friendly - and probably none of them were anything to do with you!

I think if you want to work in a modern office in admin you are going to have to toughen up a lot. I work a 45 + hour week out of choice because I'm really busy and I don't like things to build up. I have a laugh with my colleagues - but maybe a couple of times a week, not a couple of times a day! Also training.... nope, didn't have any of that either. 'Here's the software we use, that's the help button'. You just have to work it out. Personally I enjoy that type of challenge, but it isnt for everyone. Maybe it's not for you? Admin has changed so much in the last 30 years, it's a totally different job.

FBaby

I may be shot down here, but I do think that stress is a word that is bandied around too much these days. Maybe it's because I'm .. ahem... older... and of the generation where we were told to get on with it. Things get tough from time to time, both at home and at work. I do think that if you give up too easily you don't learn from mistakes - had the OP given the job, maybe, 6 months, then had she left at that point then she could have said 'I gave it my best shot'. I think she probably expected too much training - BT are very good at training their staff to the nth degree, most other companies give you a computer and expect you to get on with it.

Totally agree with this. Not a week goes by when I hear about people being stress at work and most of the time, it is because THEY don't adjust to the work environment rather than the other way. One thing that every new employee should accept is that they might have to adjust to their usual ways of working and accept that different places will have different expectations.

OP within a couple of weeks was already complaining to her manager about various colleagues because SHE didn't think they were treating her as she should without having considered that it was maybe HER responsibility to adjust to their ways or ultimately, maybe to find a compromise along the way. I can imagine how the manager and colleagues would have labelled her quickly as a 'demanding' employee and how resentment would have grown. A month was way too soon to expect a who office to change their ways to suit one new employee.

ILW

The word "precious" does come to mind.

redpete

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

Reading the OP's post, it sounds like she is suffering from post traumatic stress, from the previous job, and can no longer function in a normal enviroment.

I can sort of understand it that someone who has been in Afghanistan getting shot at daily and seeing friends injured or killed might suffer PTSD but to diagnose this for someone who has found a job "really stressful" amazes me.

TopQuark

Caroline_a wrote: »

I may be shot down here, but I do think that stress is a word that is bandied around too much these days. Maybe it's because I'm .. ahem... older... and of the generation where we were told to get on with it.

I tend to agree on your point about stress, but the reference to age I don't. I was born in the 80s and am not too far past the big 30, thus relatively young but not a kid. Like my friends and colleagues of similar ages, we all 'get on with it' because if we don't, we'll be out, being much easier and cheaper to get rid of than people who have been around for years. All of the people I've ever known who have been away from work with stress have been in their 50s.

These days, jobs are difficult to come by and keep, thus I think younger people will do anything to 'get on with it' and hang onto employment. My own parents told me that when they were young, you could leave one job in the morning if you didn't like it and practically start a new one in the afternoon. Those days are long gone, as are the days of jobs for life.

It is unfair to insinuate that the young are too weak-willed/sensitive/lazy to get on at work. Some will be, but it's not true of the majority.

And to the OP - you gave up way too easily; a month is nothing. Lucky you have the luxury to be kept by your husband- most don't. Still, I suppose you've freed up a job for someone who may really need it!

maginot

Caroline_a wrote: »

I totally agree. I live alone so if I don't work I don't eat. I like a nice lifestyle so I work. In the past 2 years I have worked for 5 companies. Out of these, one of them was filled with bitter and back stabbing women, and one with bitter and back stabbing men. I got on with my job, picked it up as I went along, and fulfilled my contracts.

I may be shot down here, but I do think that stress is a word that is bandied around too much these days. Maybe it's because I'm .. ahem... older... and of the generation where we were told to get on with it. Things get tough from time to time, both at home and at work. I do think that if you give up too easily you don't learn from mistakes - had the OP given the job, maybe, 6 months, then had she left at that point then she could have said 'I gave it my best shot'. I think she probably expected too much training - BT are very good at training their staff to the nth degree, most other companies give you a computer and expect you to get on with it.

OP, I'm sorry the job didn't work out, but maybe next time try not to anticipate that it will be like your old job. Look at it as a challenge, hopefully that will help you to ease smoothly in.

I do agree that stress is used too often when people are put under pressure, but I disagree with the generation differences.
From HSE the smallest group per 100,000 of people who suffer from stress, anxiety, depression are the 16-34 group. These are the group who will tend to just get on with it and then older generations become stressed, possibly because they have more responsibilities e.g. Ensuring dependants are provided for etc. This does reduce into the 55+ age bracket, but is still higher than the younger groups.

To the OP, I agree with other posters that you should have spent longer than a month. Unless you work in a very small business, there are always going to be at least 1 or 2 people that you don't get on with. Just be professional, do your job and socialise with others if that is what you want.

Caroline_a

Apologies if I came across as sounding ageist, I was only trying to offer an explanation for why the OP appeared to be in such a tizz over really very little. My daughters have the same attitude as you TopQuark, so I do know that it isnt a generalisation that I should have used.

ILW

I have dealt with and worked in a few places and find middle aged women are by far the worst for OPs attitude. Many seem to consider work as a kind of social affair and will spend all day arranging birthday collections, leaving cards, christmas party etc. Can be a total pain.

want_to_save

I hope you find something soon OP you must be somewhere you are happy as you spend at least 37 hours a week 48 weeks a year in a job. to be unhappy is a horrid experience believe me i have been there and would not want to go there again.

Butterfliesarepretty

OP (me) believes that as a 46 year old lady with long administration experience and that I worked four years in a job before this one and worked bloody hard and something that I did enjoy until the targets became too pressurising had the effect on me that even though I have made some wonderful friends there, I wanted to gain more experience in administration elsewhere.

I was not complaining, I was concerned when I mentioned it to my manager about the lady, and I had been told that she is offhand to everyone. I did the right thing by telling my manager how I felt. She agreed that the person was offhand and she would chat to her, unfortunately she didn't.

I have confidence that I will find a role that keeps me busy and challenging and be trained.

Besides the comments about me having a husband to support me, he is absolutely in agreement with me leaving because it was affecting me physically every day. A year ago I was single and would not have been able to leave.
I know what is acceptable in an office and what is not.
Everyone deserves to be treated with respect.